Prayer/Vibes/Good Thoughts Request

[WRITE]

that's great Hops. I hope you are home relaxing not working frenetically or feeling guilty!

the benefits counselor told me she thinks it's very likely going to be yes...

woo-hoo!

I'm really pleased you've got some light in this long tunnel at last!

[Stormchild]

Good news.

Be very careful now, and watch yourself. I mean that literally. You're going to be tempted to give away the store, so talk to a disability lawyer if you must, know what you absolutely cannot do, and don't do it!

Probably you're covered under either Workman's Comp, ADA, or both, with respect to salary - FMLA does protect your job, but it doesn't make them pay you anything while it protects it.

& ... if you do ever take part time work again. Get a folding camp cot, good quality, and put it in the cubicle or office. With your name on it, indelibly, of course. They make excellent ones, Campmor and Sierra Trading Post carry them at serious major markdowns, and they are very light, designed for backpacking. Might not be a bad idea for home office either. They will take a 'back board'.

Good luck, Hops. This is a badly needed break for you. One obstacle on its way down. More to go. Good luck!

[penelope]

hiya hops,

I'm rooting for you, that is great news.  Thanks for sharing it. 

I agree with everyone here that you should take care of your needs first.  Worry about everything else second.

love,
bean

[Hopalong]

One step at a time.
You're right, Storm...I know it is risky to do anything for my boss while I'm on medical leave...

Cynical of me, but I believe because it's to his advantage to not say anything about it (he simply can't get the grant done without me)...he's going to keep mum.

Makes me a little nervous because somewhere in the brochure it said you can't be given disability if you've been on Leave Without Pay. But I think that actually means that if you'd already asked for leave (but not for medical reasons) you can't later change your mind and say, actually I meant to file a disability claim.

We filed the claim first. Then the benefits counselor said the important thing now is to put you on FMLA, so he can't take away your employed status. (She did this because she understood that there was some gray area about whether he would try to claim, but she was retiring anyway. She knew about his coercian to put me on ADD drugs, and about his "blackmailing" me into saying I'd retire, which I specifically didn't want to do...in order to have a few more months' income.)

I can't be sure, but this woman spoke clearly as an advocate, and spent almost two hours with me making sure every step was done quickly and legally to get all the right moves into the system in the right order. So...I think I've taken my best shot.

Knowing my boss as I do after 2 years...it's a little subtle but I believe my offering to edit the grant from home was actually a way to protect myself and ensure his cooperation. That's how he seems to function--if you give him what he wants, he'll give back. And, I think his little bitty conscience did kick in, because it's probably a relief to him to have me leave with a bit of security rather than have me on his conscience. (He's the one with Bible verses all over his email and an active church life...it's his dark side that comes out in his professional life. But we're the exact same age, and on some level, I do think he was glad that this solution appeared.)

I'll be careful, but I'm going to do him this favor anyway. It may be a risk, but it's a careful one. I think placating him with my help for a little while was the safest thing to do (he has no interest in the fine print about anything....never even looks at or reads forms he's asked to sign).

Hoping for the best, whatever it is,
Hops

[Portia]

GREAT  news Hops! I’m so happy for you, I hope this all goes to plan for you.

If it actually happens, then I'll want to process the irrational shame (what? I'm not productively editing grants?)...and then...and then...I think I'll feel better, younger, and have a sense of freedom and peace I haven't had in many years.

Can you just skip the shame part and go straight to better, younger, free and peaceful?

That's how he seems to function--if you give him what he wants, he'll give back.

Most folks do! He seems practical in his bullying so yes, he probably isn’t spending time wondering how to screw up your life: if he gets what he wants, he’s happy and there’s no other agenda at work, there’s no revenge or need for retaliation on his part perhaps. Some people can be quite simple in this respect; my former boss was. On the other hand, always protect yourself as much as possible just in case!

Great news.

[Hopalong]

S+Safe,
Thank you...really, a lot.
That is very encouraging to hear.

I talked to my minister today and told her that I needed to address the feeling of shame I have associated with accepting disability insurance payment, if it's approved. She was very supportive and did not seem to judge me at all.

She said I could consider it a blessing, and an opportunity to do a lot of the work I've had to turn down, because except for one a week, weeknight church or social justice activities have just been too physically painful to attend. And she encouraged me to do my own writing, and was generally great. I felt a lot of healing.

Thanks for your perspective and for mentioning that I could actually perhaps feel joy about it.

(I do feel as though I don't want to tell anyone other than my best friend and the minister, though.)

Hops

[moonlight52]

Hey Hops ,

What do you know answered prayers

Good vibes and thoughts do come true

Sweet Dreams and so much love

Moonlight

[Plucky]

This is really good news Hopster!
I was going to backslap you about the guilt and volunteer work, but I see Portia and Stormy have beat me to it.  So all I can say is, are you trusting this N boss of yours?  And has he been in your corner in the past, or are you still weaiting for his alleged itty bitty conscience to kick in? 
Is it worth the risk?  (Almost certain freedom from pain and insecurtiy on one side, chance to help out a bastard who has repeatedly and unashamedly kicked you in the shins on the other, I know I'd have a hard time selecting!). Are you really the only one on Earth who can write this grant?  Really truly?
Plucky

[Hopalong]

Trusting, but not giving him an email trail.
Trusting, but verifying as much as I can.

He does have an itty bitty conscience. At one point he went to the chairman to try to create a new position for me. It hasn't been opened yet, and after I heard it reports directly to the chair (he's a terrifying man from another culture who goes through assistants like biscuits--female staff are quitting in droves, he yells, he curses, and I don't know what else--he's an African aristocrat (not from a kindly tribe) and truly abusive)...I thanked him but said it wouldnt be a good fit.

I can't trust Nboss totally, but then he's not diagnosible NPD, imo...just an ambitioius jerk. But he does seem to associate me with his wife and peers more than with the younger people in the dept., and we're the same age, and I think he wants me to leave with a good impression of him. We even live just blocks from each other.

My main hope is that he holds true to pattern, which is not to become very involved in personnel paperwork, etc. He really doesn't give a damn. It won't bite him in the wallet alfter the disability is either approved or denied. If it's approved, the state pays it, if it's denied, I appeal, and all that.

The other thing is that I told him I'd freelance edit for him after it's all resolved one way or another and he seemed very interested. So I think it's to his advantage not to do something to harm me now.

Hops