Why be 'Guest'?

[Anonymous]

so many times when people post with a 'handle' their posts are followed and remembered...but this often is a transitional time we are here.

When we move on, do we need people stating, but you once said----? Maybe/ maybe not.

And what about the established group of posters?
Unless newcomers and oldtimers are allowed to post anonymously then group dynamics take over, with some poeple having an overdeveloped voice, and others being stifled...

'Be our guest'...isn't that also a Disney song -Beauty and the Beast- what better metaphor for our experience?

[Guess(t)]

And what about the established group of posters?
Unless newcomers and oldtimers are allowed to post anonymously then group dynamics take over, with some poeple having an overdeveloped voice, and others being stifled...

People establish themselves by willing to come forward and joining in the discussion. Over developed/ underdeveloped - these are real issues in life to be worked out by each individual. Your self percieved anonymity is no less soft in its approach than if you offered a name. Your style is clear. The fact that you post anonymously as  Guest offering nothing else speaks to me of arrogance. . Offering something that can be built upon - a ‘face’ - an identity- we are able to develop a real relationship, however short, and so decide for ourselves a level of trust and credibility, when advice and experience are offered. Otherwise it comes across imperialistic in its delivery.
                                           Guess(t)

[CC]

Dear Guests:

There is no such thing as an overdeveloped voice at this board.  And if you think there is, this probably isn't where you belong.  The purpose of this board is to allow voices to be found and freely expressed when they have otherwise been stifled.

[Nic as guest]

An anonymous voice pales in comparison with a voice plus an identity in my view..when you post with your handle or name you take ownership of what you say and give people the opportunity to consider your input as more than just ..say maybe..anonymous cyber drivel.
To consider or ponder,
Nic..as guest!  

[Guess(t)]

CC-Exactly my point.

[Anonymous]

My sister-in-law is a detective, she reads through here occassionally but has never posted. We've discussed in detail how reliable the details are. How sincere the posters are. etc. She said to me, all these stories are so one-sided, so subjective. All you are getting is one side of every story, an yet every story has so many players. Her team has to interview sometimes hundreds of people to get to the truth. So the truth is not what we are on about here. It's how someone feels, and where they're at. And it's having and giving the freedom to post as guest, especially if they've been violated to the point of death, that it may take years before sufficient confidence is established to be secure enough to create a name and risk even this safe anonymous level of cyber intimacy. And who's to say that different names aren't one in the same person. I read a post by someone here referring to that exact question. It is possible and has been suggested before. What if someone posts at different times under different names. What if someone is offended and does a grand exit, and re-emerges the next day under a new name. I think the use of names or the use of guest is fairly irrelevant. It's the content that really matters. The only time the name matters if you want to start a witch hunt or a relationship. I weigh up the advice on it's own merits. I question whether the attachments are really the point, or even real for that matter. Who am I attached to? I like her comments. I don't like her comments. Maybe they're one in the same person. To call what someone posts cyber-drivel is so heartless and superficial just because they don't have a name. You obviously don't understand how a person could have been so violated that even this level of commitment seems threatening to them. And such thoughtless cheap shots doesn't reflect the sense of safety and mutual support and care I expected here. It surprised me. So I guess I'll continue as guest for a while longer.

guest

[Discounted Girl]

There are so many guest postings, I don't know which to choose a reply, but, this is also for the one called "don't be so judgemental."

While no particular benefits are bestowed upon us willing to register and log on, it does provide a degree of identification to those reading our posts. Unless IP addresses are somehow traced through our log-on data and you are scared of the cyber boogieman, I don't understand the need to be known as "guest." If what one guest said is true that "anyone can rediscover their voice," after years of childhood abuse of any type you want to mention, then a simple sign on to a website procedure should be a snap.

I am not so sure ghostN's are posting on this site as guest or maybe even using multi-logged names, so much as just plain spineless, bored trouble-makers who fancy themselves therapists and even maybe think they are more internet savvy than the rest of us. It seems like quite often when a "button-pushing" post is made, it's from a guest. But, haven't we wasted enough of our life on jerks? I just cringe when I see some of you well-intentioned, loving, kind, genuine, intelligent and whitespirit-filled Nvictims waste your energy trying to explain and argue with these types.

You bet our childhoods were denied to us -- AND --------- YOU CAN'T GO BACK AGAIN, GUEST !!! If you had been N'd, you would know that. Some of us got cheated by monsters we called Momma and Daddy     -- THE ULTIMATE NO-NO. I don't believe in reincarnation, we are not going to pass this way again, and what happened wasn't our fault. There was/is no karma going on, there were/are actions of free will chosen by our parents that were wicked and they hurt us -- smacked us around. It wasn't our fault. No child ever did anything to not receive love from their parent. Yes, our baby voices were stolen, repressed and oppressed. We are mourning and dealing with the aftermath. I can't remember who, but one of our registered members said: "We must not consider it a privilege to enjoy life. Joy and peace don't only belong to others, we can have them to." All of the little kids still inside us are trying to find peace -- so, don't argue. If you want to read, read -- if you want to post, sign in. We've had a lifetime of tricks played on us, we're not interested in any more.  

[Anonymous]

Discounted girl, I have replied to your attack in don't be judgemental please. Learn to Live And Let Live will you.

[rosencrantz]

Interesting difference in communication between the Ns and the N victims of this world.

Nvictims say 'I' and 'we'
Ns 'You' and 'They'

Just check them out!

Nvictims take responsibility by talking from the point of view of 'I'.  They share and include with the word 'we'.

Ns blame and accuse with the word 'you' and use unknown others as their source of 'rightness' (ie they don't take responsibility, they hold someone they perceive as greater than they are as the arbiter   )

Interesting!

Makes it easy to tell one from the other - and shows a path for the N to follow if they are to find 'healing'.

Actually Ns don't need healing - it's their victims who need healing.  N victimss want Ns to find a better way to live in the world (cos Nvictims think that the world would be a better place if Ns would stop damaging others).  For the most part, Ns are perfectly happy being unhappy - they have no incentive to change - they just want the victims to be more accommodating to their will.

Ns - I don't mind you being as N as you like - but not in my backyard, not in my life, and not in reply to my posts. I don't want your advice or your comments.  I don't want to hear the word 'you'.  I don't want or need to have my buttons pushed or my cage rattled or my strings jerked.  I don't want confusion and the goal posts changed every few minutes just so YOU YOU YOU can get your own satisfaction at the expense of others.  Get the word 'nyah nyah ni nyah nyah' out of your vocabulary and then you might find your true voice.

Good luck to all Ns and hold onto your hats, Nvictims!!!  The Ns come and the Ns go.  Every now and then the Board gets rocked by these visitors but then the calm comes back and people get back to doing the working through they need to do.  And those who are less experienced just now will find they recognise these N voices in an instant and they learn to keep away from them on the forum and in real life.

So Ns do us a favour every time they seek to express their voice here.  We learn something.  If the Ns stick it out and hold their tongue, they might begin to understand why and how their voices are experienced as damaging by the rest of us - and learn from us in turn.  But Ns have to give up their arrogance and know how inadequate they truly feel about themselves before they can discover their humanity and just how truly lovable they can be. But, my goodness, to find the road to humility, that takes such courage...

R

[Lizbeth]

You bet our childhoods were denied to us -- AND --------- YOU CAN'T GO BACK AGAIN, GUEST !!! If you had been N'd, you would know that. Some of us got cheated by monsters we called Momma and Daddy     -- THE ULTIMATE NO-NO. I don't believe in reincarnation, we are not going to pass this way again, and what happened wasn't our fault. There was/is no karma going on, there were/are actions of free will chosen by our parents that were wicked and they hurt us -- smacked us around. It wasn't our fault. No child ever did anything to not receive love from their parent. Yes, our baby voices were stolen, repressed and oppressed. We are mourning and dealing with the aftermath. I can't remember who, but one of our registered members said: "We must not consider it a privilege to enjoy life. Joy and peace don't only belong to others, we can have them to." All of the little kids still inside us are trying to find peace -- so, don't argue. If you want to read, read -- if you want to post, sign in. We've had a lifetime of tricks played on us, we're not interested in any more.  

For some reason, this fact (of our stolen, never to be redeemed childhood's) seems to disturb a lot of people who are posting on this board.  It's true, but it has to be hushed up.  Very telling, in my opinion.

Lizbeth

[Lizbeth]

Liz, I've sent you an e-mail clarifying a post on the Judgmental thread. You thought it was the infamous "guest" again, but it was me.  
But see, that is what N's do, they sew discord, set up confusion and are so busy distorting everything that is happening around them that it is hard for anyone to know what's true or what's untrue.
Can we all see it clearly now?  Think of a child growing up in this environment.  You don't know what to believe and who to believe.  Sure, your Mom might be great and honest and truthful, but you've got someone else there distorting, manipulating, twisting things around until you don't know whether you're coming or going.  As a child, who's "self" isn't fully matured yet, who can deny how damaging this is? We can't even shake it as adults.  (Well some of the brilliant ladies posting on this board have done a bang up job of ducking and dodging the crap being slung around).  Look, I can't say enough about this subject.
You're right on the money seeing the connection.
Do you know, I find I am now apprehensive about responding to anything written by a "Guest"???
You know how N's like to set you up by asking you a seemingly innocent question, for advice or help, or try to engage you in a heart-to-heart talk, only to wait until you're open and vulnerable and then really let you have it?
I'm now wary. So there you have it, the N's ability to cause you to not trust yourself or anyone else.  
Let's all hang in there and learn from what is happening here and in our lives.  We are moving forward, and that's a great thing.
Jac

Jac, the ony way to deal with an N is to abide by the "NO CONTACT" rule.  I guess that applies on boards as well.

Liz

[Nic]

Ok..i'm not at my first N audit on this board or in my life for that matter.
So here goes,
Guest: I'm sorry you feel the way you do. Please continue to reflect, consider and ponder. Shields up...ignoring sequence commenced..
I'm out of this thread!
Ciao!
Nic  

[Anonymous]

I wonder if being able to filter what people say without knowing who they are and why they say it is not a good trait to learn, especially for people who have found themselves in more than one dysfunctional relationship?
Because it doesn't matter what people look like or who they say they are, it's how they make you feel that counts, something that many of us who got involved with pds forgot or never knew. So many people say there were problems almost from day one, yet we chose to ignore them, or didn't see them.

I don't think its worth going from a position of trusting where no trust was earned to trusting no one though, every relationship or exchange begins from a position of trust and not everyone lets us down.

Also sometimes I have felt let down because I had unreal expectations of the person or situation.

I know the answers are in me somewhere, to grow stronger and to believe I deserve a pleasant life.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes people might like to post as "guest" because the anonymity it affords allows them in sharing more of themselves that they might be hesitant to if their identity(albeit still anonymous to the *true* identity) was known.

If I wanted to say certain things I don't really want to be attached to my known identity, I might post as guest, and when I wanted to be involved in a thread where the dialogue will be ongoing, I could use a recognizable handle.

No big deal.  I really like the guest option of the board.

Someone mentioned that "guest" might be xN.   Well, it is no more likely than a logged in, made up name being xN as well.

I think all should post as they wish.   The guest option has been used responsibly for the most part(always exceptions) I can see, as well, in that there are not a flurry of regular abusive posts hiding behind the protection of "guest".

Cheers....

[Anonymous]

I like the guest option on this site because all responses to guest's opinions are open to comments from all of the board. This is healthy.

No secret suggestions or comments to me as guest are possible through private messages, therefore it is for the guest an aspect of openess and seperatness which may be what is needed at this time in guests life. And if trust is eventually developed in entities here then this will likely change. Not at the moment though.

Also, there's no possibility for secret criticism's, needing to be emailed to management and adjudicated if you receive a private message telling uou off for speaking your honest opinion. And as guest there's no possiblilty of getting caught up in negative private message gossip about a particular poster who someone takes a dislike to and wants to enlist support.

Manipulative comments by posters, telling others to ignore this person because they're obviously an N, (basically forming a something similar to a medieval shunning party.) These comments have surfaced recently, and are published sometimes, but their influence is limited somewhat by a healthy number of guests. So I like the option of guest.

Guest