Hello Everyone...
It's Wednesday and I made it through the weekend. There were several instances during the course of the weekend that I allowed my feelings to be hurt, but I am doing better about not letting it show. What still hurts me is the lack of affection, I crave it but have nowhere in which to receive it. My family lives so far away and a phone call does not a hug make. I know he senses this and withholds the affection to get to me. Another thing bothers me and let me throw this out there to see what all of you think.
As I stated in my earlier posts, I made the grave mistake of having an affair during my last marriage. I have to tell you that I made an even bigger mistake by telling my now hubby about it. I told him this past weekend that I do not appreciate his having brought it up before. He tells me that I did it before and will probably do it again. I told him that it had nothing to do with him and he has no right to bring it up, but, here's the kick...When I try to bring up his actions of the past, ie...leaving town without a note, not being around for our anniversary, etc...He tells me that I keep bringing up the past and can't let it die...I told him that these are patterns and bound to be repeated but he does not see this...It is only my faults that he sees....Goodness, I am tired, tired of trying, of fighting, of being away from family...Now he is acting pathetic again, talking about how nothing goes his way, no one loves him..no one wants to give him a job..etc...I cannot take another 5 years of this and all I can think about is moving next to family...On a great note..I seperated all of the photos into his and mine without his knowing...the paperwork is next..