ever+N=Never

[Hollow Cost]

Beginning ever with an N
Makes it Never

What does this mean to you?  Or how about...

Never without the N is ever.

[Hollow Cost]

In all fairness, I decided I should respond to my own question.

Ever + N = Never   
Beginning ever (the rest of life)with an N can be (or seem) never-ending. In trying to find my comfort and celebrate my true self, I'm finding the effects of an N can last forever, even when trying to heal. I think having this knowledge helps and begins the healing process, but when I feel threatened, I find these feelings creeping in, again and again. I'm getting a little better at recognizing these times and  also dealing with them. Although, it makes me really sad that this is my past and lives in my present. It seems as though I will never escape this imprint. Most of the time, it's much better, but every now and then, it's there again. The trouble is that I begin to doubt myself, instead of knowing I can trust my own instincts.

Now,  Never - N = Ever  Maybe this is the more positive side of the same scenario. If an N is now out of our life, can we strengthen ourselves against the effects, forever. Can we hold onto that "ever" or does the haunting of an N creep in and reinvent the worthlessness in ourself? I find myself struggling with this as I try to remain strong/healthy.

[stormywthr]

Maybe the healing is dependant upon the person? 

The time spent with the N, the damage done by the N, the past before the N, the future that beholds us without the N. 

If we all went with our instincts, would things be better or worse.

Doubt is placed there for us to question the scenario.

[moonlight52]

The healing has everything to do with "the person"HEALING and nothing to do with the "N" the "N" must be concerned or not with their own healing .

From moment to moment we can change our perceptions thus becoming a new person and then the "imprint" simply disappears.

How we unhook is an individual experience and can take a lifetime or in a blink of the eye .


MOON

[Gaining Strength]

Wow Moon - that is a powerfully to the point insight.  How I wish I could have been a "blink of the eye" sort of healer.

your friend - gaining strength

[Hollow Cost]

Stormywthr, 

Maybe the healing is dependant upon the person?

I have the desire to heal and understand and find the truth about how I fit in to what I experienced, hopefully, without blaming. Although, we can never clearly see what we don't know. If we feel good, I guess that's the best test. Beyond that, what are your thoughts about a person's determination, ability, perseverance, and intuitiveness, and how this fits into their healing? 

Doubt is placed there for us to question the scenario

.
I love this answer! I need to remember this. You just reminded me of a poem I wrote that addresses this exact thought.

Under the Thunder
My backbone has a wishbone
My flower has thorns
The rainbow had a rainstorm
Thunder… it warns.

The child must be lonely
The parent was lost
When you always hear thunder
Forever… exhaust.

Come with me my friend
We’ll go to a place
Hear the roaring of thunder
Fear…escapes.

Share love in my heart
Gentleness of mind
Touch me forever and leave
Doubt…behind.

Moonlight,

Perception?  Is perception often about how we see a situation, or how we want to see a situation? I think our perspective can sometimes cloud our perceptions and I spend a great deal of time (too much in fact) trying to accurately perceive any given situation. I find if my perception is slanted, it doesn't count. I need things to be as they are and not how I intend them to be. Then, I choose my intentions within those options. Does this make sense to anyone else? Moonlight, are you saying perception is reality? Is this how we determine our own fate?  Sort of, "Fake it till you make it"? For me, I try to find the truth and deal with my reality within that truth, then accept it, or not, and learn where to go with it. When I look back, sometimes I discover I have talked myself out of the lesson I have learned and proceed with what I know, as comfort. I guess everything happens in it's own time--sometimes a " blank of of the I"  and sometimes in a "blink of the eye"! Thanks for that thought.

[moonlight52]

Who else is the perceiver other than you?

What comes from good intent?  I do not perceive a fate.

Yes  I think at this moment reality is what one perceives at what ever point one is at.


much love to you

moonlight

[Hopalong]

Welcome Hollow Cost,

Question came up when I read this, hope it's helpful:

I spend a great deal of time (too much in fact) trying to accurately perceive any given situation. I find if my perception is slanted, it doesn't count. I need things to be as they are and not how I intend them to be. Then, I choose my intentions within those options.

Are you affected by perfectionism, do you think?

Do you feel that being subjective is okay?

Can you be wrong without punishing yourself?

Could it be healthy to assume that every day is full of small mistakes and course corrections?

Glad you're here.
Again welcome.

Hopalong

[moonlight52]

Hi All

Welcome Hollow Cost 
I am free from N pain...........That happened here
Also I am keeping my side of the street clean
Thanks to the wisdom and kindness of the people right here Hi Hops

Hi ya GS
I have been reading ZaZen books
What is the purpose of life and the answer is Love the journey
I am all Zened out I have a confession to make my side of the street is not clean 
My vacuum will not work (not if I do not push it)Zen answer tidy up the journey.
I am glad you liked the post and I hope all 's well 

so much love to you
moon

[moonlight52]

Welcome stormywthr ,

Your post got me thinking .

I feel taking responsibility for my own feelings has helped me to heal .

And understanding I will make mistakes and that is OK Like Bobby Dylan says there's no success like failure . )

It's a good way to learn stuff.

Love to you ................. My kitty kat Iris is asleep on my computer desk Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr and nite nite 

MoonLight

[Hollow Cost]

Are you affected by perfectionism, do you think?

Not usually, but sometimes. I guess you think so. I'll explain my original statements as you read on.

Do you feel that being subjective is okay?

Yes! As a matter of fact, I find this helps define me.

Can you be wrong without punishing yourself?

Yes, unless it results in hurting someone else or I need someone to understand the correction, either because it was misunderstood or needs apology.

Could it be healthy to assume that every day is full of small mistakes and course corrections?

I typically view mistakes as an opportunity to learn something.

I may have been misleading by being out-of-context or by not being specific. With regards to accurate perceptions, I specifically am referring to my N relationship(s). Sometimes I find myself confused by the positive moments and meanings found upon reflection vs the past damage.  My "slanted perception" only refers to the aftershock of my N relationship. Therefore, am I responsive to feeling unprotected? I must remind myself to not be influenced by old tapes. Then again, can I ever be sure? That's when I need to trust myself. I'm still learning.
Hollow Cost

[Hopalong]

Hi again, HC,
Just playing debbil's advocate here...hoping it's helpful. (Not criticizing you, btw... )

Quote
Can you be wrong without punishing yourself?
Yes, unless it results in hurting someone else or I need someone to understand the correction, either because it was misunderstood or needs apology.

This re-leapt out at me because:
If you were wrong and had hurt someone, and then realized it, as a moral person of course you'd fee regret and wish to apologize. That is not the same as punishing yourself. Punishing yourself has a mean edge, might suggest you haven't reached the holy grail of self-love (as distinct from self-absorption).

Quote
Could it be healthy to assume that every day is full of small mistakes and course corrections?
I typically view mistakes as an opportunity to learn something.

Sure.

Therefore, am I responsive to feeling unprotected?

I hope so! But ask yourself, can I risk some vulnerability (NOT WITH Ns, of course...)

I must remind myself to not be influenced by old tapes.

And substitute new tapes, that are positive and more powerful.

 

Then again, can I ever be sure?

No, but that's when making a choice helps. We are not built to completely resolve all ambivalence. Sometimes we have to tot up the evidence and move forward (or away) in the direction of what seems healthiest.

That's when I need to trust myself.

Yes. But don't trust yourself to have a burning bush speak unambiguously. Two steps forward plus one step back = forward.

I'm still learning.

You've got good company!

Hopalong