No Contact w/ NMom - but I responded to an email

[pennyplant]

Well done, Bean.

PP

[fraidycat]

WOW Bean, really powerful- right between the eyes...could you write my mom a letter?

Maybe you had mixed emotions because you didn't get it all out in your response to your moms e-mail? In the letter to your MGP'S you made it very clear that this is final and why.

If your thinking about sending the letter you might want to consider mailing instead of e-mailing  so she can't cut and paste it back together in a way to make you look bad and leave out the things that would make her look bad.(and send it out to everyone).If its hand written she can't pull it apart and show people she can only talk about it ..but the people that really know her for who she is will probably doubt her word.

I'm really impressed with your clarity and strength, you managed to come out of this horrible upbringing whole and with  healthy self esteem.       Proud of you Bean!!

Fraidycat

[Hopalong]

Oh (((((((((((((((((Bean))))))))))))))))))))

I wonder if it would be more valuable to you to create a private ritual in which you read aloud, then burn, your letter to them? Rather than sending it?

They will die. You will keep evolving in your space about them. You might be glad you had written it for yourself but not for them.

A heartfelt ritual in a beautiful or meaningful place where you feel surrounded by reality and very free as yourself...

That memory might feel so empowering that you could in future simply say NO. Without the pain.

Just a thought and by no means a righteous one.

much love,
Hops

[Plucky]

Hi Bean,
you felt bad after sending the email, and you pinned your bad feelings on the act of sending the email.  But what probably made you feel bad, was the whole shebang.  The situation with your family, the fact that you had to block the emails, having to see the falsely happy email anyway, knowing that your MGP acts as if your blocking her emails is insignificant or did not happen, and then actually participating in your MGP's scheme of making you out to be the crazy one by sending an honest email, but one that you know the audience will construe otherwise.  Then, the blaming started. 

Maybe in your FOO all the craziness was blamed on you so you continue to attibute your bad feelings to yourself and your own actions.  But your sending the email is not the thing you really deep down feel bad about.  It's just what MGP would say you ought to feel bad about, and ignore her own role in it.

I think your venting here is wonderful and a role model to many of us!
Plucky

[gratitude28]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((bean)))))))))))))))))))

I LOVE the term MGP... did you make it up? Ain't it the truth???????

Thanks for sharing your letter with us and your feelings. It's weird how you can be plugging along in life, just content without them (him, her) and something just gets your goat...

Your childhood and youth is a large and formative part of your life. And, at least with me, I perceived it to be different than it actually was for a long time, just to deal with it. Sometimes I still catch myself thinking of my mother in some fuzzy way... when she is, and always has been, far from fuzzy... I guess that is my own projection of my wish. And when the reality hits me I often want it to be different...

Blah blah... getting off track here. Thank you again pbean...

(((((((((((((((((((((((((bean))))))))))))))))))))))))