Hi axa, hi GS
Last night I read this thread and thought about putting up something about the Karpman Triangle here, but I figured someone else would do it, and I'd been vocal enough for one day.
But now it's been another 12 hours and nobody has said anything about Karpman dynamics, so I guess it's OK for me to go ahead...
There are a couple of diagrams illustrating how this pattern works, on the 'what helps' board; I'll go get the URL for that post in a minute... here it is:
http://www.voicelessness.com/disc3/index.php?topic=1549.0And here's a description to go with the pictures.
Stephen B. Karpman identified a pattern of interactions in alcoholic-codependent families, which he named the "Drama Triangle". It involves two people, most of the time, but three roles. The roles are: Victim, Rescuer, and Persecutor.
You can draw a triangle, and write Victim at one point, Rescuer at the next, and Persecutor at the third. The triangle works like this: people move between these roles, and go around and around and around in a neverending drama of rescuing, persecution, and victimization.
First, the person who is in the role of Victim shows signs of distress, or is in a bad situation, or otherwise needs help. This can be quite a legitimate need! It doesn't have to be a pretense at all. There are plenty of real life situations in which people need help. But if the Victim is actually looking for something more than help, or something other than help, they may be vulnerable to Karpman games.
The next phase is this: a Rescuer appears. This is a person who may genuinely feel a desire to help the Victim - or they may have a compulsion to 'rescue' people, or to 'fix' situations. Or - they may enjoy feeling powerful, and few things make you feel as powerful as rescuing someone else. This can look benign when we are young, it is one of our culture's deepest fairytales - the broken-winged bird, healed by love; Beauty and the Beast; the Prince, rescuing the Damsel in Distress. [and they all lived happily ever after.]
So it's easy enough to be a Rescuer. And again, this isn't necessarily a 'game' or a 'drama'. It all depends on what the people involved do with the situation, what their expectations are of one another.
If the Rescuer is genuinely into helping the Victim, they will give exactly the help that is needed. They won't become enmeshed with the Victim, although they may become friendly - there's a huge difference between friendship and enmeshment. Most importantly, they will have realistic expectations of the Victim; if, for instance, the Victim is a severe alcoholic having DTs, a healthy Rescuer will see to it that the DTs are treated, get the alcoholic some vitamin shots, and provide them access to resources for detox... but the Rescuer won't expect a miraculous turnaround, won't demand it, and won't become enraged when the 'script' isn't followed. There is no script. The Victim is seen as free to be themselves. The help is given because it is right to give it. The Rescuer will certainly hope for change, even pray for it, but they know they cannot
demand it.
A Karpman Rescue always has a script, and it is rarely followed, so the Rescuer is always disappointed in the outcome of their rescuing.
This is where the Persecutor role comes in. It is usually taken on first by the Rescuer, because of anger at the Victim's not going along with the script the Rescuer has in his or her head. Suddenly, instead of being supportive and helpful, the Rescuer becomes critical. Judgemental. Cold. Or angry. Furious. Blaming and raging.
Now - two things can happen. The Rescuer can remain in the Persecutor role, in which case the Victim remains in the Victim role, until the Persecutor switches over again to Rescuer. This is how spousal battering works...
Or, the Victim can rare up on his or her hind legs and decide to dish it out [how dare you speak to me like that!!!], and then THEY become the Persecutor, and the Rescuer is now left playing the role of Victim.
If the Rescuer is hooked into the triangle at this point, they will not leave; they may act out [do something to the former Victim to get THEM back into the Victim role], they may act in [do something to themselves to get the former Victim out of Persecuting and into a Rescuer role] but they will not leave.
You'll notice that the Victim also has the opportunity to leave this triangle, the instant the Rescuer switches from Rescuing to Persecuting. If they don't leave, if they switch over to the Persecutor role or stay in the Victim role waiting for the Persecutor to Rescue them again, they are also hooked into the triangle.
Victim-Rescuer-Persecutor. Around and around we can go, all our lives, if we don't see what's happening.
interestingly, there's another triangle, a healthy triangle, the Quinby triangle, which is the positive version of this, without the gameplaying and persecution. instead of Rescuing, a person Reaches Out. Instead of being a Victim, the person being reached out to is Vulnerable. And instead of Persecuting, both parties Persevere - they hang in and work together as long as it takes to get through whatever there is to get through. There may be limitations to what each of them can do - but that is very different from having a 'script'.
Think of Christopher Reeve and Dana Reeve, and you can see what a Quinby interaction is like.
Wanting to be rescued isn't necessarily unhealthy. Wanting help when we need it, wanting to be lifted up when we are down, this is part of the good stuff that human interaction is supposed to provide. But you must be aware - vulnerability attracts not only good guys, but Karpman rescuers, too. And it can be hard to tell them apart, until you become the target of rage.
