Hiya Seasons:
Thankyou for taking the time to write back to me and for calling my heart generous. I get the feeling you have a very generous heart too.
I find fear a facinating emotion (when it doesn't scare the living tar outta me, that is
). Thing is, it is the one emotion that I keep thinking is often behind so many other emotions. I don't know. It's just a kind of theory I have. For instance:
I treat myself like I owe the world my soul, repayment for existing. I must not feel I am decent or good deep in my heart I act otherwise.
I think what you're saying is that your behaviour directly conflicts with what you think or believe about yourself (that you are a decent human being with some flaws). Could fear be blocking you from matching your actions to your thoughts and beliefs? Fear of.....again.....rejection? What if you were to act as if you believe you really are a decent human being with some flaws, like most people, and as if you are deserving of basic respect? Picture in your mind what that would be like and see if any fears might surface? You can choose how you act (sounds so simple eh? I know it's not. It is, however, the ideas, the thoughts, the beliefs that are planted and practiced that will help dispell so many fears (or allow those fears to thrive and work on paralyzing each of us
) and those same thoughts/beliefs effect how we act, I think.
I pledge to work through this with every fiber of my body. I pledge to survive to exist in peace with myself. I can count on me.
This is wonderful! Repeat. Repeat. Repeat!! Lot's of times per day. Especially in morning and just before falling asleep. Here's a cool site that sure seems like it has some useful info on this topic. It's a lot of work though. That seems really clear. However, if you break it down into small parts and set short term goals, I bet you'll be feeling much better before you know it!!
http://www.coping.org/growth/fears.htmOne thing I wonder about is going after your biggest fear first?? Logic tells me to start small and reap the benefits of success before going for the big stuff but maybe there's a better reason for doing it from the top of the list down?? I don't know. I haven't read everything there so maybe that's explained some place?
I just had a thought, I love to play dead mans float in the water. I could do it all day. I love the weightlessness, the sound of the water, the feeling of my body so relaxed it floats!
This vision sounds like a useful tool for you. You could find a comfy spot and do your best to relax your body, then spend some time imagining yourself floating in water with all the sounds and feelings that you enjoy. It's like nourishment for your psyche. It will never hurt to practice a relaxation technique (unless you spend so much time doing it that it interferes in your life or something) but for say.....15 to 30 min per day? This could really be a big help I betcha. If you do it often enough, it will become second nature and you'll be able to bring this image up to the front of your mind when you most need to, such as in times of stress or when fears start to imobilize you.
One thing listed on the above link about fears.....that they:
Exist in the furthest reaches of the mind
I believe fully and with deep conviction. I think we are not always aware of our fears and that fear can be hiding in those deep recesses, having an effect, without us even realizing it. That's why I think it's so important to get in touch with those "furthest reaches", which are sometimes called: the subconscious. The way to do that is to practice relaxation and visualization (such as the floating exercise above) and once you feel completely relaxed both physically and mentally....you begin to make suggestions, silently, to yourself, such as:
"I will overcome my fears"
"I will act confident and ignor unreasonable fears"
Etc.(It is suggested not to use negative suggestions such as: "I will not do such and such". For some reason, positive ideas sink in quicker and are much more powerful.) This is a big part of "teaching" one's brain to think "healthy" (one might say?). Think of all the nasty crap people said to or about you or all the bullying or all the mean words spoken by family or others and over how long a period? No wonder your brain absorbed some of it. This is the way to reprogram, sort of, and even do a good house cleaning, so to speak. It has worked for a lot of people.
It does, however, take time, patience and determination. I bet you can do it, Seasons, and will be much happier for the effort. I'm rootin' for ya!!
((((((Seasons)))))) (((((((you too CB)))))))
Sela
