type of narcisst that can get your head spinnin

[winded]

i suspect my mother was a narcissist
but of a sort that i wonder if anyone has some thoughts on
namely where there goal and ided of achieving success
in socieity is  to see themselves as  humble..
u know humbler than thou attitude
a very potent and head spinning brew i think..

[winded]

some suspicions why a narcissist might choose to have an image of humble

coz they are not especially gifted in some area
that they can develope well as a point of superiority
but if a narcissist is esp able in some areas
they might less likely to choose the more humble than thou
as a major part of their identity

now if a narcissist is esp gifted they might not stop at narcissism
but move on to psychopath

[Gaining Strength]

My father, whom I suspect of being a full blown NPD, has humble traits but I finally figured out that it is  false modesty that he was trained in.  I see it in his cousins and his sister but underneath it is not humility at all.  Very complicated. - Gaining Strength

[pennyplant]

I have wondered about this myself.  My last N will often say derogatory things about himself but he has many other characteristics of N'ism.  Maybe he is lesser of an N on the continuum.  Maybe his true self, the pathetic self he really suspects he is, leaks out sometimes.  Or maybe it's false modesty.  Maybe he is actually Voiceless and just has about a million N-spots.  It's a real puzzle to me, but I do think about it less and less.  I guess I'm getting over him little by little.

But when he puts himself down, it makes me doubt my idea of him being N.  Maybe that's why he does it.  It is a way of getting attention, though.  That might be the best reason of all to do it.  Then he can receive praise and sympathy from those who care about him and don't like hearing him put himself down.

PP

[Hopalong]

I think some Ns are aware they're broken, some even hate themselves.

It just doesn't change them.

Hops

[moonlight52]

Hi All

The only person I have ever suspected of being an n has never ever said anything ever with the word humble attach to it in reference to himself ever .

And never has this person engaged in self effacing humor or anything remotely similar to this kind of thing or humor in general.

Always right always....

Comments like "99.9 percent of the world are idiots"

A phrase I have heard so very VERY often and I being small certainly believing the odds and percentages here  AND believed "humbly "I say that I in fact was one of those idiots.......

I REALLY really believed this for a very very long time.That I was an idiot and bad as a child because he was never humble and always right and told us so over and over ....

What I would not have given for a comment just one that had the word humble used in it......

moonlight

[gratitude28]

Welcome winded!!!!

I think an N could be humble... if he or she were the MOST humble... and if he or she were using it as a comparison to the detriment of others... Does that make sense? I am betting it does.

Please share more... we are here to listen.

Love, Beth

[mrt]

where there goal and ided of achieving success
in socieity is  to see themselves as  humble..

I believe this idea comes from religious upbringings....
It comes from the Bible....
Blessed are the meek:(aka humble)  for they shall inherit the earth - Matthew 5:5

Today "meek" means humble and all the mentality that goes with it.....it use to mean gentle and kind.  (obsolete) [Dictionary.com]

"Humble" N's tell themselves that they will inherit the earth as long as they are humble....nevermind the gentleness or kindness part.

My N's are from the South....add stubbornness to the mix and that's what I had to deal with.

MrT

[moonlight52]

I think I could give two examples of two very gifted artists

#1 Henri Matisse  gifted and personally humble


#2 Pablo Picasso gifted personally a n

I do not think a true n could fake being humble it so is against there true nature

and would remove all of the "fun" they think they have..........

"Never mind the gentleness or kindness part "                                     That's what I mean humbleness can not be faked...........

[whoami]

I have known a narcassist that thinks they are humble but is anything but.  It's a front only they believe but everyone else can tell is just a pretense.  It is so odd to see this kind of game going on, because it's like if  a person has to TELL you that they are humble, then obviously they are not.  So boasting about humility kinda undoes it, don't you think?  A truly humble individual is pointed out as humble wherever they go.  People recognize humility.  It's what sets us apart from the animals.  LOL.

[reallyME]

This post reminded me of a comment on a different board about "false apology"

The narcissist only apologizes and acts humble (ACTS being the operable word here), if it helps other to again view them in a good light.  no change occurs after such an apology, and no true love is shown in false humility either...it's more of a "look at me.  see how good I can BEHAVE?"  (stems from them trying to please mommy years ago and never getting her approval maybe?  just a thought)

In fact, often they will say "I know I hurt you and I never meant to, but I always come back to you right?"  It's as though they are ok people now because they didn't totally leave you without returning.  Thing is though, after they return, someone tells them something or something snaps in them that they just "remembered" that YOU were "BLACK", not "white" anymore, and therefore no longer worthy to be in their presence.  Since YOU won't leave THEM, they then desert and abandon YOU.

[whoami]

Since YOU won't leave THEM, they then desert and abandon YOU.


This sounds like the dance of the borderline to me.  If you chase them, they will back off, but if you release them they will come back to you to prove to themselves that they can be a good friend. 

[moonlight52]

My head is spinning I had a very weird encounter ......................

 sib called me I mentioned our last phone conversation was hurtful she says "that never happened"
and I went on to explain stuff about our conversation she says "did not happen"...

I then said "aw I know you would not lie to me"
she said "I wouldn't lie to you about that"
Then she said quickly   "oh you are so honest like mom"........

oops 

I am so confused being kind does not work........ its like I am suppose to say sorry for their hurtful actions just to make them feel better ......
 why can't they understand ??????????????????

Gosh I try to be kind and be honest with them I try to work things out to an understanding but things just do not work unless I act like nothing happened....
 I do not know how to act or what to say everything gets tangled up.......

SO strange just weird  I do not know how to be around them They are clearly not liking my honesty....

moon

I am not upset (bothered and confused)           I try to care about their feelings and its just confusing........

                                 Yesterday I saw my dad I gave him a heartfelt hug

[Hopalong]

Hey Moon,

When someone comments on your honesty as though it's a remarkable quality that's a sign of a crazymaker right there....

Don't let it get you, hon. Your light is clear, they're the cloudy ones.

Imo, it' s very sane to feel confused when someone does/says crazy-making things, or tries to force you into denial!

So really, your feeling confused is a sign of you being clear.

Keep shining...

love,
Hops

[Dazed1]

Hi Moonlight,

Your sib denied your reality.  He/she gaslighted you.

"I try to be kind and be honest with them I try to work things out to an understanding but things just do not work unless I act like nothing happened."

When kindness and compassion don't work, what's left?  I suppose the only thing left is to have a superficial relationship, in which you know that the other person will not validate you.

Your sib does not want to hear the truth.  So be it.  Maybe the best way to handle the relationship without betraying yourself is to enforce your boundary so that you won't feel compromised.

You are such a sweet, compassionate and helpful person.  It's a shame that your sib can't see that and appreciate it.

with love,
dazed