give me strength

[axa]

Hi

So bloody angry.  I was feeling good and free.  Ended relationship with N last week.  I was very clear I did not want anything to do with him ever again in my life.  He arrives at my door today full of tears and I love you....bla bla bla.  I am so sick of him and his games.  I was very calm and detached while he was  here but am furious now.  I wish he was dead


axa

[pennyplant]

Aw, damn him, axa.  How can they seem so sincere when you know they really aren't?  If you had let him back in, it would have been back to the same old, same old, right away.  That's a given with these Ns.  So, unfair of him to toy with your feelings that way.  It's hard enough without these kind of games.  So sorry he tried that on you.

Pennyplant

[Stormchild]

It's a tactic. It's a technique. It's a game.

"What part of 'Stay the H away from me' don't you understand?"

Meanwhile, the toad is now shacked up with his ex, again, yes? Does she have an e-mail address? Do you have a videophone?

[axa]

storm,

I do not have an email address for her but do have a phone number.  I think at this stage she is so grateful to have him back that she would not want to talk to me. 

She was married to him for about 15 years.  She had a breakdown and was attending a psychiatrist then she left.  I can understand why, in an effort to save herself but she abandoned her kids and left them with him.  This i will never understand as she knew how crazy he was.  Last Christmas she moved back into her house because the "kids" wanted her back.......... kids are adults!!!!!  She is totally dependant on him as she never managed to get any kind of life in the time she was away form him.  Also she will not work so she needs an income.  She has been there before and is back for another round of abuse, that is her business.

I have no doubt she was the back up plan as he is terrified of being alone and anyone will do.  Remember we are all interchangable.  It often struck me at times that he got us mixed up.  She is very materialistic and likes money.  I never needed money from him and he would try and appease me sometimes with it.  I really think he could not distinguish one from the other at times. 

We had a lot of fun together and he got great supply from my "mothering" him.  No doubt he is missing that now and she is not able to give it to him.  He had it all set up spending christmas with her and the kids.......... never a thought for me, always about him. 

I have thought of writing her a letter.  I am sure she did not know he was here yesterday as he is a very good liar and will twist everything to suit himself.  With Christmas coming up and people around the house he wil lhave plenty of supply but I know that when he is into January the reality will hit him and he will be back in contact and I do not want that.  It just unnerves me and I want it to stop.

He will never change.  he admitted recently that he had a personality disorder.  Let him have his disorder but get outof my life.  He is sooooooooo crazy.  I do not want to live afraid to pick up my phone in case it is him.   Check my email in case it is him.  Open my door in case it is him.  How do I get the message across to him. 

I felt I was moving on and this contact has just thrown me back again.  God I hate him.


Axa