Hope for the New Year

[Gaining Strength]

I hope to take life by the horns rather than running and hiding from what  comes my way.
To actively pursue life and its goodness rather than passively fear its darkness.

This will be a tremendous shift.  When I accomplish it, I won't even know me.  I can't wait!!

[axa]

Moonlight,


I hope to be in a similiar place to you.

My hopes are to understand I am loved in the world
To recognise those who love and genuinely care
To understand my resourcefullness
To give with love
to live in a way which is respectful to myself and others
to have the ability to see the goodness which is available to me and to be clear enough to choose this over abuse
to have compassion but clear boundaries
to live in the present moment
to commit to life in its fullest way
to grow and develop healthy ways of being
to understand and work through my addiction to Ns
to take responsiblity for my life
to be grateful for all that I have.


axa

[moonlight52]

Hi Axa

Yes I would say your list is so very complete.
I am not addicted to abuse I now recognize it .

It's not something I want for anyone to experience.
No one including the people that abuse .

I just am happy to live and to love  Mr moon and moonlets.....
And I do wish everyone healthy attachments.

Love to you and so much more

moonlight

[WRITE]

I'd love to hear about your different therapeutic activities for every mood.  We are open to every new idea we can get for handling moods.  Right now, he is heavily medicated, but he will have to have less meds at some point or he won't be able to get back to life.  Any ideas that you have for coping would be much appreciated.

well whether or not someone has bipolar the healthier they are the better they can manage the moods and bumps of life...

But for a bipolar it is essential to stay focussed on that. All I've done to throw myself out this week is work too hard the week before, eat too many carbs ( definitely mood-altering ) and miss a days swimming!

When the mood wobbles there's a window to do something about it and it's different for each person but eventually it turns into depression or mania and if it worsens then I lose touch and don't take meds/ don't take control.

I never touch alcohol, try to avoid caffeine and stuff like decongestant meds.

A lot of it will be a learning curve for your son and recognising his 'trigger' things which for me are stress lack of sleep pattern and alcohol.

And maturity helps most things, so he will 'forget' or go ahead and do some of this stuff anyway, and it may take him a few times to accept consequences.

It's like managing any illness though- the more strategies you put in place whilst you are well the better it goes when you're sick:

*have a good psych doctor to call on for meds
*gym/pool membership, I have a 24 hour place
*handful of friends/relatives who understand the illness and that one coffee or a beer may well hurt you etc
*therapy for the emotional aspects
*minimum meds- which means behavioural management is crucial
*record keeping: some people record their moods, some journal, some write out anxieties or plans...it's a useful tool for keeping focussed
*sleep. If all else fails medicate sleep and take to bed for 24-48 hours. This has never failed for me, though it took me years to accept it because when you're manic it's the last thing you want to do, sleep it off, but you're also exhausted so it's necessary to recover.

My concentration's not 100 % so I missed a few things I am sure, it's great to see you learning how best to help your son and as I said before you'll be amazed at some of the positive stuff comes from the illness once the negative is in balance.

Balance is the key word with bipolar.

[moonlight52]

Write, Your description of what is needed to live with Bipolar is great .

This combined with CB'S love for her son .Just takes my breath away.

Some parents of children with Bipolar deny it's true unless they could use it to there advantage that would be sad if a bipolar person
did not have a caring parent but one that was only concerned with their own image.

 I am so heartened to see CB caring love and how CB is there for her child that needs her.....
a kind loving parent doing all to help there child is so lovely.

Just a year ago I was caring for my very injured child she knows how much I care .......And thank goodness she is 100% OK
N's do not get the concept of parent -child they believe the children should always be caring for the parent.
Such a thing I have never done to my children or physically abusing them no excuse for this no debate .

and this is a good thing

moonlight

[calauria]

I hope for the new year, I can learn to trust and attract healthier(emotionally/mentally) people.

[moonlight52]

Hey Cal ,

How to attract healthy relationships

 yes this is so important do not look at labels but look to what they do.

Learn how to spot abuse and abusive behavior.

peace and love ,

moon

[calauria]

Hey Cal ,

How to attract healthy relationships

 yes this is so important do not look at labels but look to what they do.

Learn how to spot abuse and abusive behavior.

peace and love ,

moon

Here lately, most of the people I meet, they seem ok for awhile, then they start acting crazy (crazy meaning they start showing signs of toxic behavior).  I sometimes feel as though maybe I'm so flawed that I deserve being abused.

[moonlight52]

Hi Calauria .

Can you tell me what behaviors the toxic people in your life have taught you?

Everyone is flawed that does not mean they do not demonstrate love kindness .

Do you have certain people you know are toxic in your life?

m

[calauria]

Hi Calauria .

Can you tell me what behaviors the toxic people in your life have taught you?

Everyone is flawed that does not mean they do not demonstrate love kindness .

Do you have certain people you know are toxic in your life?

m

I'll try to make this short.  I was abused by my parents and a lot of other family members.  When I started school, I was bullied, because my sister and I were the only 2 black kids at our school.  When we changed schools and were around more blacks, I was bullied because I didn't act black enough. I was also abused by teachers and babysisters.  Had tons of toxic friendships and most of my boyfriends were abusive.  All I know is that most of my life people have been pointing out things that are wrong with me.  I have gotten a few compliments, but mostly I'm criticized a lot, so I learned to believe that maybe I deserve being abused for being so flawed. 

[moonlight52]

Hey Cal,

 I understand the put down's being bullied all the abusive behavior you do regonize... this that is good.

What matters is how you feel about yourself.
As children we all need kind words and love if this does not happen it just takes a little longer to find your way.

Soon you will learn to love yourself more and more
love to you

m

[pennyplant]

Calauria, I can identify with some of what you have described here.  Especially where you say you may deserve this treatment because of being so flawed.  I have believed that almost my entire life.  Here, on this board, is where I finally got the tools to work with to stop believing that and start seeing something else in me.  The "okayness" of me.  It hasn't happened all at once.  And it hasn't always been straight forward.  But I have learned from the members here.  I have gained some tools and some confidence and some better ways of seeing and believing.  Now I believe that I was wrong about myself all my life.  That I was always okay.  And I'm even prepared to let go of the sadness that I wasted so many years believing wrongly about myself.

If I could let go of my very firm belief that I was flawed and deserved the terrible treatment I received, well, then anybody can learn to see the truth about themselves.  Truly, I never saw the goodness and beauty in myself.  I was sure it was not in me.  I was sure that the mean, cruel things people said to me and did to me were the truth.  It never occurred to me that so many people could be wrong.  But they were.  They were wrong about me.  And the toxic people in your life are wrong about you.  And soon you will realize it for yourself.  You have already started to realize.  You have already started to do better for yourself and for your children.

You are on your way, Calauria.

Pennyplant

[Gaining Strength]

I sometimes feel as though maybe I'm so flawed that I deserve being abused.


Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Never. Never. Never. Never.
Keep looking at who you attract.  As soon as you recognize the danger signs, gracefully exit the friendship and start again.
Keep analyzing past and present relationships and soon you will begin to see a pattern.  And before you know it you will see it before you sign on and then suddenly you will see the RIGHT sort of people to befreind and then you will have resteered yourself onto the right track. 

How do you do that?  How do you get started?  Just keep looking at past and present and analyze them.  Imagine the type of relationship you want and imagine what that friendship would be like.  It takes practise but it is certainly worth it.

[Hopalong]

(((((((((((((((Calauria))))))))))))))))

That's just POO.
You did not deserve to be abused ever in any way. NOT FOR FIVE MINUTES OF YOUR PRECIOUS LIFE!

It was ignorance and fear and some old cycle being acted out on you.

I am so terriblly sorry for what you went through. I am so sorry people around you did not know how to value themselves and showed all that disrespect they felt, by hurting you.

You are beautiful and you deserve love and support and wings.

Your life's not over and you are beginning to change it, right now you are!

Hops