My Nmother is destructive to those around her - she is now estranged from most of her family (siblings, nieces, nephews, her living aunts & uncles). Typically has only one friend at a time. She used to have groups - bible study folks, women's groups, but that was many years ago when her house was new and recently decorated and she wanted people to come and see it. The destructiveness that I have experienced has more to do with her inhuman steely disregard for people's feelings or emotions. If she could make you cry, it meant you were weak and she was strong. If she could make you vomit, even better. From the time I was 9 she told me I only lived in her house becasuse she let me - so I was terrified that someday she would stop letting me and I would be a homeless child. I think I am describing things that aren't unfamiliar to any of you.
What I have wondered about is these behaviors - almost sidelines of hers - if they are common among Ns, or if they are, as moonlight says, just annoying. Not just portraying herself as a trendsetter, but also as a Bible scholar, an expert financial wizard, an example of a person with only the highest moral standards... and so on. She is a bigot, very prejudiced, embarrasingly so. She is of Native American heritage, and says that my father and brother and I, who are all fair-skinned, are less "pure" than her because my father's family is so "melting pot that they are nothing." I wonder if these "annoying" behaviors are common in addition to the destructive behaviors toward those who are closest to her.
