Oh, CB.
No wonder you're weary.
It's emotionally exhausting to recover from that level of cruelty as it is from surgery.
It IS surgery.
But in hindsight, when you're thriving again (WHICH YOU WILL BE), you'll know it was lifesaving.
Maybe it's time for draconian measures in terms of finances: all kids over 14 working PT and bringing the money home, hopefully a couple of them in restaurants where they get a big free meal each shift.
All unused rooms shut down to save utilities. Draft stoppers. Thermostat down to 55 at night. Bundle up.
Goat's milk is good for you. (I know I'm probably saying absurd things, but one good thing I'm aware of from my mother's childhood is that they survived conditions I find hard to fathom. Chickens and goats are lifesavers.)
As to clothing? Mine's been from the Goodwill for years.
I am so angry at your STBXNH. His spite extends to his kids.
But
...the ultimate justice is going to be your endurance (you WILL endure) and the ultimate thriving of your family.
You are an amazing woman, an amazing mother, and I know you will survive.
Trim down to the essentials, nothing more. (I'm certain you are already doing this, so forgive me for the lecture to myself!) Here's what might be missing in your busy-ness:
NURTURING things that you do FOR YOU. ONLY FOR YOU.
You can't be any good to your kids if you don't love yourself and nourish and care for yourself.
Healthful food fortunately is cheaper...beans and brown rice and tofu stirfries and frozen or canned fruit and veggies. No sodas but cold mint tea is easy to make and they can guzzle it all day w/o harm.
I hope you can find someone who would give you a deep, hour-long massage once or twice a month. Healing touch is so important and powerful in helping you heal the wound of abandonment and betrayal.
It also reminds us that despite our agony over one ruthless human being, there is love and comfort.
Peace, deep peace to you. This is just a chapter, not the book.
love,
Hops
