Author Topic: why do N's feel the need to have a claim to fame?  (Read 3509 times)

whoami

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why do N's feel the need to have a claim to fame?
« on: December 29, 2006, 05:37:46 PM »
I really don't understand this.  Why do N's feel the need to have a claim to fame?  Is it that they don't really feel important underneath it all?  Thing is, the ones I know are utterly CONVINCED that they are more important than other people.  This isn't an "act" it's the way they really perceive things from my observation. To be special, or more important, or better, or some claim to fame, is really what they are wanting, but WHY?  Is it to cover the fact that they were never special enough growing up?  Or were they perhaps too special in mom or dad's eyes, and it went to their tiny little head?




moonlight52

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Re: why do N's feel the need to have a claim to fame?
« Reply #1 on: December 29, 2006, 05:55:16 PM »
whoami


See RM's "something to ponder" thread regarding nism and daylilly's answer

Beautiful description and it takes a big heart to forgive when one has been hurt so much


moon

reallyME

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Re: why do N's feel the need to have a claim to fame?
« Reply #2 on: December 29, 2006, 11:49:39 PM »
whoami, I just want to say that X in my life was a minister's daughter who had to put on a perfect image to the world and the church, so that anything she talks about in her life, has to make her look like she knows important people and is connected to "big names" in some way.  What I never did understand, was, when I'd be all impressed about her hooking up with famous singing groups, etc, her response was one of "oh it's nothin...it's just a bunch of guys that I'm driving to a concert."  I never did understand why the false humility, yet the constant informing me that she was connected in some way to important people.

axa

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Re: why do N's feel the need to have a claim to fame?
« Reply #3 on: December 30, 2006, 12:47:20 PM »
Whoami

I believe it is because they feel so empty inside that they need their "fame" reflected from outside.  We all like acknowledgement and praise but we are not dependant on others to know that we have done something worthwhile.

How about this.  I made a lovely garden this year.  If others admire it well and good, it is sharing it with them but I don't need them to tell me it is good.  I can see.  I did the work, the plants grew, I can stand back and admire it and acknowledge my part, natures part and rejoice in the joy of it.

XN has a high profile job but is constantly looking for other to see how good he is.  Truth is that he is good at his job but he is hungry for others to acknowledge him all the time.  He gets no satisfaction.  Without an audience they are empty.  it is why they are always looking for supply.

axa

reallyME

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Re: why do N's feel the need to have a claim to fame?
« Reply #4 on: December 30, 2006, 01:01:49 PM »
This thread brings to mind a question.  Do all of you notice the N's in your life constantly asking you for approval?  Do they say "how am I doing?"  "Do you think the people liked it?"  Is there a constant bid for attention, approval from others, from these people who claim to have it all together, yet deep inside feel terribly inadequate?

Brigid

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Re: why do N's feel the need to have a claim to fame?
« Reply #5 on: December 30, 2006, 01:10:07 PM »
Whoami,
My feeling is that n's need to be fed from the outside in, because they cannot feed themselves from the inside out.  The inside is so damaged, that they cannot face it or access it, in order to heal it.  No true healing can come from what is attained from the outside. 

Most of us certainly appreciate being acknowledged for our accomplishments, being told we look good--especially when we've made an extra effort, or praised for a job well done.  But, we don't live for it and die without it.  We can gratify ourselves because the inside is whole and complete.  If the inside is not healthy in those of us who are not n, we will want to and are able to seek help and actually make progress toward improving that situation. 

N's cannot do that because they cannot dig to their core and heal the damage.  They will just continue to feed from the outside in, trying to fill the bucket of their soul.  But the bucket has a hole and the feed keeps leaking out and continues to need refilling.  They cannot seal the hole.  That would mean facing the pain which created it in the first place.  Over time, they have learned that it is easier to ignore the inside and just keep feeding from the outside. 

We can all be so grateful that we are not them.

Brigid

Bones

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Re: why do N's feel the need to have a claim to fame?
« Reply #6 on: December 30, 2006, 01:50:11 PM »
True.  If anything, famous people deeply appreciate being treated as ordinary people like the rest of us.  (I have to confess, encountering someone with a combination of NPD and fame brings out the deviltry in me!  :twisted:  I can't resist having a little fun now and then.)

Bones

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Re: why do N's feel the need to have a claim to fame?
« Reply #7 on: December 30, 2006, 01:51:57 PM »
I believe that is the only way my nmom can function.  She NEEDS to be adored.  She NEEDS to get awards.  She NEEDS to be the center of attention.  And she steps on anyone who gets in her way.  And even if the spotlight is for her and someone else (me, in one case...............)  She takes it all for herself.

Ex:  We have always been partners in our business.  But when we got an award, guess who went on stage?  Guess who was featured in the slide show?  ONLY her.  Why?  Because she made it clear to anyone who would listen that it was SHE who did it all.  Funny thing is..................it wasn't her...................
Kelly

"The Best Way Out is Through........and try laughing at yourself"

Hopalong

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Re: why do N's feel the need to have a claim to fame?
« Reply #8 on: December 30, 2006, 09:38:42 PM »
I am crosseyed with the obviousness of how I must relate to my mother to keep the peace.
I literally just feed her some flattery now and then just to keep her going.

It's like feeding some weird sort of alien chipmunk gasoline by eyedropper.

YAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!

When someone we know is doing well in life, she will come up with a labored anecdote about how they "felt so understood by her" that this "really gave them confidence"...and in some way tells tales about others in ways that always twist it around to be a result of her near-psychic intuition.

If we knew a president, Mom would explain how she was so sweet to that little boy or girl came to the library to return a book one day, that naturally this explains why they are now president.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGLLLLEEE!

glub.

Hops

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moonlight52

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Re: why do N's feel the need to have a claim to fame?
« Reply #9 on: December 31, 2006, 04:21:37 PM »
well I think most people would find it interesting if they had a friend that became famous and you met them when say you all were in college....

A bit of interest .But when your life is based on "who" you know you are just not getting it.

This seems shallow   ......... ego ego ego 

so needy for approval.....

sad
« Last Edit: December 31, 2006, 04:26:34 PM by moonlight »

Bones

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Re: why do N's feel the need to have a claim to fame?
« Reply #10 on: December 31, 2006, 05:16:18 PM »
That is sad and, at the same time, I would think that the famous friend would not appreciate being exploited.

Bones

moonlight52

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Re: why do N's feel the need to have a claim to fame?
« Reply #11 on: December 31, 2006, 06:22:03 PM »
 Hi Bones   

I believe if you had a famous friend and some one else exploited that knowelge ...... 

The friendship would not be effected at all .

If say the friendship was  based on love not the fame but on true love.

Some one Else exploiting that would have no effect at all..........................

moon 8)

Bones

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Re: why do N's feel the need to have a claim to fame?
« Reply #12 on: January 01, 2007, 09:18:19 AM »
Hi Bones   

I believe if you had a famous friend and some one else exploited that knowelge ...... 

The friendship would not be effected at all .

If say the friendship was  based on love not the fame but on true love.

Some one Else exploiting that would have no effect at all..........................

moon 8)

Hi, Moon.

If it's a third party, I can see why it would have no effect at all.  At the same time, if an individual, for example, had the personal e-mail address of a celebrity and made a point of bragging about it, even sharing it, the celebrity would NOT be happy about being used and abused in that manner.  For myself, I try to put myself in the famous person's shoes and ask myself how would I like to be treated?  Then I try to apply the Golden Rule to that other person and to myself.  It goes a long way.

Bones

axa

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Re: why do N's feel the need to have a claim to fame?
« Reply #13 on: January 01, 2007, 12:55:29 PM »
When I achieved something I always had a sense that XN felt it was HIS achievement or in some way it could not have happened withouth him.  The truth is that what I managed to achieve it was dispite him!  THis goes back to another thread around their inability to separate from others.  As if everyone is an extention of them.  That their presence guarantees success and they somehow facilitate the success of others.........crazy if you ask me, but then again so was almost everything else.

axa

Hopalong

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Re: why do N's feel the need to have a claim to fame?
« Reply #14 on: January 01, 2007, 01:05:31 PM »
I have always been staggered at how my mother boasts about her accomplishments and so so so so seldom credits 50 years of devotion from my father or a decade from me.

I think it amazes me because she also mentions now and then that she never went home after age 18. She was too busy for her own mother's funeral.

But she's had her family spin around her (particularly me) for 50 years. And used to complain to me so constantly that I never gave her enough time.

I often wondered, LIVING with you isn't enough time? When your own mother never had your help?

Anyway, pointless...I just realized this wknd that I'm surfing a new wave of desire for this chapter to be over, and I can't wish that without wishing for her death...so it's a huge conundrum and inner balancing act, to keep my thoughts toward her patient and compassionate, but at the same time give myself a break because I do feel like a prisoner of her lifespan, and am chafing to have my own life again.

The good part is my new job does bring me interaction, and happiness, and creativity.

Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."