Just to share the experience.
This goes back a ways. Years ago, I was in a situation where I needed help on a regular basis with what they call 'activities of daily living' because of major surgery with a long convalescence. My NFOO was less than no help at all, and most of the people I worked or went to church with either had their hands full with their own families, or were the sort of folks who come to visit when you're ill... and get p.o'd at you for not getting up to serve them tea.
Long story short, I 'rented a friend'. And an actual friendship **seemed** to grow out of the situation.
People grow and change and sometimes grow apart. Years went by. My 'rented friend' and I stayed in touch, then I had a major crisis and my friend stepped in to help. But, apparently, it was more than they could deal with, because one day, about the middle of the crisis, they suddenly blew up at me over literally nothing - and it was one of those blowups that you can tell, even when it is happening, that the person wanted a fight so much, for some reason, that they invented an excuse to have one.
End of trust, for me, entirely, and pretty much the end of my asking or accepting any further help from 'rented friend', who after this episode became 'rented acquaintance'. Not, however, end of contact. We stayed in touch for a couple more years. Then, another bizarreness. I casually mentioned, during a phone chat, that I was updating my resume, thinking of looking for a job in a different field.
You won't believe this one: 'rented acquaintance' instantly blurted out that if I was going to start looking for a job, I'd be leaving the area - and hung up! And literally within a month, I am NOT making this up, 'rented acquaintance' sold their house and moved ACROSS THE COUNTRY!
Honest to g-d, I am not making this up. It happened about five years ago.
How did I feel about it? Mixed. I didn't miss 'rented acquaintance' at all, actually - because they had become increasingly argumentative over nothing, increasingly short-tempered, touchy, hypersensitive, etc. - constantly looking for a fight. All abuse stuff. And I had been limiting and reducing my interactions - no more face time with them. No more phone calls on worknights. No more calls on weekend evenings. [Yes, this is a commercial for both Caller ID and answering machines!] Down and down until basically I just talked to this person once a week, on Sunday afternoons, for about 20 minutes - and even that was too much, but I hadn't figured out how to 'cut the cord' without provoking a major ugly hissy fit.
Problem solved. They hissy-fitted themselves, right out of my life. And the irony? I never did update my resume, after all... all I had been doing was thinking about it, and that is as much as I ever did!
But would you believe: 'rented acquaintance' had a dear, sweet, darling little Pomeranian. And I LOVED that little pup. And I missed him and thought about him making that long, long drive to his new home [because he got carsick, so he had to be tranquilized every day of the trip], and I wondered how he was doing.
So would you believe.... five years after vanishing in a huff.... I get an email from 'rented acquaintance' to let me know that this sweet little Pom was terminally ill and had been put to sleep...
well, of course I sent back a message of sympathy - with the focus being on the pooch, not the owner. And bingo, 'rented acquaintance' jumped on it and answered right back about how much they miss me, etc. etc. etc.
three guesses what I said in response....
nothing.
It was about the dog, not about the owner. I've been mourning the little dog for weeks, now, but I have not the slightest desire to email or talk with 'rented acquaintance', ever again.
Part of me says, Cynic! Pessimist! Don't you believe people can grow and change?
and another part responds: Sure, but when they do, their behavior includes things like: assessing their behavior. Admitting what they have done. Accepting responsibility. Making amends. Have I seen any of that? Noooooooooooooo.........
Anyway... I'm at peace with this situation, as much as is possible to be at peace when someone who has abused you in strange and spectacular ways tries to come back for more and you know better... but I wanted to talk about it, because it is so surrealistically weird, I thought it might comfort others going through even more surrealistically weird things.
And because I don't usually 'share' here, and I ought to... this type of experience is what brought me here, after all.
hugs to everyone,
