My concept of enmeshment is for someone to be so overly involved with someone else's life that they can't see where their nose ends and someone else's business begins. One example I can think of involved an acquaintance of mine, her daughter and then-son-in-law.
The daughter and her then-husband had been married for a while, had one child and recently had a second child. Then the economy took a downturn and his line of work and income were very badly affected. This husband and wife had discussed what their choices were and decided that because their two children were so young and childcare so expensive that (a) she would stay home with them, and (b) he would have a vasectomy as they both felt they could not financially support three children on his reduced income. (They were both aware that birth controll is never 100% guaranteed fool-proof.) They had both prayed about this and discussed their options with their spiritual counselor at their church before they finally acted on the decision of his getting his vasectomy.
In the meantime, my acquaintance kept bugging them to have more babies because SHE wanted more grandchildren! She seemed to act as if they were a baby factory to produce on HER demand! When others have told her to back off, butt out and shut up, she has a bad habit of acting as if they said butt in and keep talking. She persists in bashing her demands over your head and ramming her orders down your throat until she finally gets what she wants. I think what finally happened was her then-son-in-law, that she did NOT like from the get-go because he wouldn't hesitate to tell her to back off, finally told her that the "baby factory" is closed permanently because he got fed up with her. My acquaintance went ballistic because her then-son-in-law got a vasectomy without HER permission!
This acquaintance then tried to suck me into the middle of this mess by wanting me to side with her against her then-son-in-law. I bluntly told her that her nose ENDS where their marriage begins. The decision about whether or not to have children is STRICTLY between husband and wife; NOT husband, wife and wife's mommy! BUTT OUT!!! Needless to say, she was pissed off at me because of what I said. Too bad!
Bones
