Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
What do I do?
Anonymous:
your mother is a pretty vile person, and you are not going to get the support you need and deserve there no matter how long you hold on.
You've helped her when you could, now your boundaries need to change to protect your unborn child, yourself and your son.
She'll be angry as you withdraw, I'm tempted to say tell her you've dealt with it, so should she!
My father is borderline, and he kept us all on the hop for years with his angry suicide threats, now I see that as his business and his responsibility. But my sister and I rowed about it just this week, she thinks I am cruel. I feel much as Rozencrantz says- if you neglect your kids when they're young don't expect them to love and take care of you when you're old, if you make life unpleasant for people, don't expect them to visit etc.
Put yourself first now, you deserve it. Good luck with the pregnancy.
skidz:
Thank you for the support.
I have always believed that if you dont take care of your children they will walk away and in the end they are all you have. I have a bumper sticker that says take care of your children... They choose your nursing home. My father is also an N and I walked away from him years ago. He told my brother that he thinks fathers should have sex with their daughters to introduce them to that world.... My father has never seen my children. He also bought a rottwieler after my daughter died. Needless to say that was the final straw and I havent seen or talked to him since. Today I am so overwhelmed with so many emotions... Hate and anger are the main but guilt has a tendancy to creep in.....
My mother e-mails me everyday at my request to make sure she is still ok. She is secluded in the mountains. I have always checked with her everday. I havent heard from her. This time I dont care... A part of me does and this brings angst but at the same time what she has done to my son is unforgiveable. Oh my goodness, thank you for opening my eyes to the harm she is causing him. I thought I did what I could to protect him from her harsh guidance and superiority. I talked to little man a little about this last night and apologized profusely about what she has done and my letting her do that to him because I am to much of chicken to stop her. I usually end up smoothing the rough spots after she leaves. He unloaded so much last night. I told him how proud I was of him telling me about his feelings. I also told him how proud of him I was that he left and went to his friends house. He is the smartest person I know... He thought that was great when I told him that. He is in therapy. So much has happened to him in his short life. I cant stand the thought of him ever being the mental midget I am... I told my husband last night about what is happening at this moment. He said the same thing you guys are saying. He is reading the same things I am reading and says she is a classic N. That I am in no way shape or form responsible for her. He stood by me during the time she was in the hospital. He said that he was so worried about me because of the blood loss and the mental strain of losing the baby and her being so ill. In turn I was worried about him. He was so happy that we were pregnant. The only thing I remember when I was in the process of miscarrying was the devesataion and worry on his face. He told me that he lost respect for my mother when she was in the hospital and after. Not once did she ask how I was after our loss. Nor was she concerned about the fact that I almost died. He said he told her what happened and she didnt even blink...I made an excuse for her that it was the stroke, but ultimately it wasnt the stroke she was very lucid. She made the comment in the hospital, that now her children would have to stand up and take notice of her. This one comment began to open my eyes to her. What kind of person says that I thought to myself. Did she work herself into a frenzy to make her blood pressure go through the roof so her children would rally around her bedside? She did it again in less than a month... She is now refusing to take her antidepressants because of the expense. She will spend hundreds a month on her cigarettes but not for something that will help... I know, I have to just walk away.
Now for the hard part. Getting through this unscaved and guiltless. I am my own worst enemy.
I have read some of the posts here. It is amazing to me how many people are going through this. Thank you for the support.
Skiddlez
Anonymous:
Did she work herself into a frenzy to make her blood pressure go through the roof so her children would rally around her bedside?
I have had this too- my father will stop taking his bp meds or go on a drinking binge.
Its attention seeking big-style, typical borderline pd behaviour.
Did you say your mom received a diagnosis of narcissistic pd? Was this in the hospital last time?
skidz:
--- Quote from: Anonymous ---Did she work herself into a frenzy to make her blood pressure go through the roof so her children would rally around her bedside?
I have had this too- my father will stop taking his bp meds or go on a drinking binge.
Its attention seeking big-style, typical borderline pd behaviour.
Do they not realize the self destruction? Why.....
Did you say your mom received a diagnosis of narcissistic pd? Was this in the hospital last time?
--- End quote ---
No, but I could see the look of dread on the poor nurses in the hospital. They were so supportive of me and I couldnt understand the lack of real empathy towards my mother. The took very good care of her medically but basically ignored her rantings. my sister in law is a therapist and recommended a book for me to read. The title escaped me so I began to search the net. Hence my finding this site. My brother and his wife have been supportive thus far but keep their distance from mom. My sister runs the other direction and hits the bottle. My oldest brother doesnt come around or tell her what is going on his life...
skidz:
--- Quote from: rosencrantz ---Hi skidz and welcome.
A boy is a boy is a boy. Fake burps and rude words are what boys thrive on! He's a great son!! :D
Has your mother ever taken responsiblity for YOU?? I thought not. So why do you have responsibility for HER???
You're in a transition at the moment - this feels lousy but is A Good Thing!! :wink:
It is healthy to feel angry!!! You have good reason to BE angry!!
Your daughter died - dog bite - mom's dog - get over it - YIKES! Horror story. My anger, rage and emotion about that would be too overwhelming to get anywhere near in twenty decades!!!
Pregnancy is a great excuse to put yourself first. You just had a miscarriage - tell her the doctor told you not to move out of the house!!! You can't even move out of the armchair to answer the phone. Doesn't matter what you say, just get her off your back so you and your baby can commune good things to each other.
As far as your mother is concerned - yeuch!
50 million times, you are not a monster and you are not responsible for somebody else's suicide attempts.
It seems to me that if it's possible to be responsible for somebody else's suicide, you'd have to have spent many hours mentally and emotionally actively torturing, toying with and tormenting an imprisoned victim.
Nobody is responsible for the way other people decide to 'act out' their petty ways. If you feel responsible, it's probably the result of guilt induced by her manipulative ways. I'm sure you'll spot them much better from now on!!! :D
R
--- End quote ---
I am getting there. My life has been full of NPD's... Scarey thought but you attract what you are..... arrrghhhh...
Yep my son is all boy... He is independant and is full of expressions. He is not afraid to tell me what is on his mind. I am just happy that he can laugh and enjoy his life. I was never able to laugh. He is an amazing person. I cant wait to see how great of a man he is going to be. He was in a musical on thurs. He had the lead. He stole the show. Before he came on to stage the poor kids on stage were so frightened and stiff. Once little man came into the spotlight they all let loose and had a great time. I wish I could relay how cool it was to see how the audience reacted to him. He had us all going and participating. He has been doing that since he was in kindergarten. Just his presence and smile is mind blowing to most adults. Sorry I could go on for hours about little man.
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