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What do I do?

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Anonymous:
skidz,

I think you've sacrificed enough for this battle axe. She will make life miserable for everyone around her, if she's given the chance. I find it interesting that she lives secluded in the mountains and expects others to dash up there to take care of her. Forget it! She needs to get a grip on reality. Maybe if she receives less catering, she will start showing more respect for others. I really hope you can draw some boundaries with her. Your son is showing you the way. You're a great mom.

bunny

Anonymous:
I could see the look of dread on the poor nurses in the hospital. They were so supportive of me and I couldnt understand the lack of real empathy towards my mother. The took very good care of her medically but basically ignored her rantings.

wow, that must have made her real mad!

Do you feel ready to separate your lives?

With my father it happened by degrees, over a couple of years. until now he's only allowed to write to us; periodically he tries to change this but I resist.

skidz:
Hi everyone,
In so many ways I am so ready to just say no more to her. But and this is the big one. She has made no contact since fri and I am truly getting worried about her and the possiblity of another stroke. Is she holding off to see my reaction? I wake up in the wee a.m so worried about her. I work on an ambulance by profession and I know the early hours is when most people get the sickest.... My husband wants me to ignore her. He thinks it is just a ploy to suck me back in. Deep down I know it is but she is not that spring chicken she used to be either... I see sick elderly people all the time and wonder where their family is. I am beginning to understand. At the same time I feel a human being should never be left to feel alone. I have felt this way since I was a child. Perhaps it is just engrained because I was alone and hated it. I am so confused right now I dont know which way is up. I look at my son and know that I cant have her behaving the way she does towards him any more. I called my brother to see if she had checked in with him and he said no. He told me that I was in no way shape or form responsible if she does attempt suicide. I know this. He said that is just her way and always has been. He got sick of the drama. I told him that he has no idea how lucky he is that she never helped him out when he first moved out of the house. He is free from that wrath. He still is very bitter about going hungry and living in his car, after he was kicked out of the house for expressing his feelings towards her. Now that I think about it she kicked us all out of the house.
I guess I am just waiting for the other shoe to fall. I dont know when or what but I know it is coming.
Skiddlez

seeker:
Hi Skiddlez,

I join the others in saying My Lord! what is she doing to you?!  :shock:

I just want to (gently) put this on the table: what's the worst thing that could happen?  What do you fear?  My guess is that perhaps you are concerned that your mother will die on "your watch" and you will feel a tremendous amount of guilt.  Is this it?

Your mother can take measures for contacting people in the case of emergency (there are various systems, etc.).  If these don't work and she chooses to remain where she is, that is her choice and her responsibility.  And she does not have to live with you.  There are other choices.  And they are hers to make.  


--- Quote ---He unloaded so much last night. I told him how proud I was of him telling me about his feelings. I also told him how proud of him I was that he left and went to his friends house. He is the smartest person I know... He thought that was great when I told him that.
--- End quote ---


I loved this.  The fact that you were able to listen, hear, and acknowledge your son's anger showed so much love.  Peace, Seeker

skidz:
you know seeker she can be a very intimidating woman. Yes I know I am 38 years old and if she tried to punch me in my stomach or slap my face off I can defend myself. BUT and thats the big one even my brother is afraid of her. Yep I just answered that she still has that power. Scarey huh? Her tongue is the meanest that I know. Oh man, I dont know why I cant just walk away...I had a dream that she was banging on my door and the fear oh man. I was runnng around my house like a lizard who just had been seperated from his tail.
It took alot of courage and time but I walked away from my father. I held no reserves in telling him why either. My siblings hold nothing back when he asked why. Mom is a whole mess. She and I were alone since I was 10. It was hell yes but she was also my mother.
Up until three years ago I have stood by her and have defended her. Slowly but surely I am emerging. The one time I stood up to her about being so terrible to my son, she did go into our guest room and pouted. She never apologized to my son and in turn made the house a violent silent storm. That is basically my life with her in a nutshell. Everyone is out to get her and I am the one who she hid behind. All the while making it look like she was the protector. She is so paranoid that she has almost shot me twice in the middle of the night. Once I was just going into her room after a nightmare, you know how you are still in that dreamstate but aware? The click of that 38 woke me up fast. The other incident I was getting up in the middle of the night to get a drink of water. Again that click of the 38 just made me freeze in my tracks. In her words "I" was lucky that she woke up and realized it was me. Yeah I was the lucky one. Waking from this is overwhelming but a very good revelation for me. It is good in a sense that I no longer have a choice but to create those boundaries for the sake of my son and my unborn child.
I dont consider myself a "good mother" I consider myself what a mother is supposed to be. I only want my son to grow up knowing he had a safe and healthy childhood. Life is hard after you leave the house and fighting the demons of your past along with the world is something I would hate to know he was going through. Thank you though, I wear my mommy badge with honor...
Skiddlez

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