Guys,
I have been reading this board on and off for about six months. Over the past two months I have been on here daily but have felt unable to tell my story until now. I feel able to spit all the filth out right now so here goes. Btw my fried says it is too far fetched to even make it as a soap opera.
When my daughter died from a chronic illness four and a half years ago my life changed. I had been nursing her for years. Which was a privilege and joy, though hard work. When she was finally released from her pain I rejoiced for her, she was free at last. Before she died she said to me Dont forget to get a life Mom.
My feeling after she died was one of great relief for her and also a sense of I wanted to live my life as she could not have hers. I went on the internet, met a few guys and decided I was for the single life. Then I got an email from XN. I talked to him on the phone. We knew mutual people, good sign I thought. I found his manner off putting but he seemed like fun so I went and had dinner with him.
Funny, I said to my sister before our date that I would not drink any alcohol at dinner because I wanted my wits about me having had a number of bad relationship experiences. My initial impression was that he was abrupt, sarcastic, charming, a bit rude but very interesting. We went to a concert after dinner, then for coffee and had a pleasant evening. I liked him, or should I say I found him very interesting.
His wife had left him 8 years previously, everything was legal. She got her settlement, left their 7 year old daughter with him and more or less disappeared. His daughter had little contact with her mother and rarely saw her. He called me a few days later and asked if we could meet again. Went to an afternoon movie, which was about a teenager who had died, both cried. I thought he was crying for me ..(LOL). We started dating. He told me he had told D about me because he liked me so much and could not keep it from her. I thought this was cute.
A few days later he called to say that Xwife had offered, out of the blue, to take D for a week, it was during summer holidays. He invited me to his house, which was two hours drive away, for dinner. I decided to bring some really good expensive wine and was quite excited about meeting him. Arrived for dinner, he showed me around, his animals etc, opened wine and talked,after about an hour I mentioned dinner. To which he replied Oh did I ask you for dinner. He had had a big lunch and had not thought of dinner. RED FLAT DULY IGNORED BY ME. We had a very nice few days.
He told me he had arranged to meet someone else from the internet for lunch that Sat and felt it would be rude to not turn up but would tell her he met the right person for him. This he did. I thought this was very honourable of him. Sat evening D called to say her mother was going away and she needed collection 4 hour drive from where we were. Off we went in the car. Meet D.
And so things went on. D and I got on very well. I loved her and she told me she love me. A few weeks later I was at his house for the weekend. Arrived Sat evening, in kitchen talking and this woman (xwife) walked in went to the cupboard, took a glass and poured herself a glass of wine. We all chatted for a while, everything felt strange but I was grounded and thought well I will just see what goes on here. D asked me to come and feed the animals with her, eventualy after much insistance I went and so did XN leaving Xwife in house drinking wine. I asked him when she would leave, he said she would probably stay the night as sometimes she just arrived to see D and hung around. I thought ok, went up to house, got my bag and left.
On the road got call from Xn saying xwife had gone and would I come back. Though No will keep going, it was all a bit strange. Xwife called me and said once she realised that I was XN girlfriend she had left and just wanted D to be happy. Sounds ok. Then D calls and begs me to come back... she really did not know me that well. He had manipulated her to do this. I stupidly came back.
We went off on holiday and a number of weird things happened but mostly it was good. And so our lives went on. Little or no contact between D and xwife. They did not know where she lived. I saw that D wanted contact with her mother and asked her if she would come on some kind of regular basis to see D. She did not have a house herself, even though she had plenty of money to buy one with settlement. She agreed with hesitation, which I thought was strange and followed through three times then disappeared again. If D wanted to call her mother she would have to hide her phone id as her mother would often not answer if she knew it was D.
I should tell you that XN said his marriage broke up because his xwife had serious breakdown with psychotic episodes. God spoke to her through other people and he told her to go and leave her husband and children. I believe she was unstable anyway but living with XN obviously contributed greatly to breakdown.
Meanwhile I was working near xns home and gradually moved in. STUPID MOVE. One evening I came home from work to find xwife in our bedroom. I was speechless. She said sorry just checking up something on the internet. When I said this to XN he said he would talk to her. It was crazy. She would arrive and stay for as long as she liked. When I would challenge XN about this he said that she used to live in this house so she never quite detached and also D desperatly wanted her mother to call. So now the games start.
There are so many stories I could not begin to tell them. XN had difficulty in his work. Every boss he has had he has fought with and has been moved a number of times. He is very clever intellectually but people get sick of his bullying and rule breaking. It was as if he was above the rules. (Familiar). Xn left his job and decided to work abroad.
I was anxious about him being abroad because his work is often in developing countries. Also I was not happy about him going away for long periods of time. D was not happy either. She had been abandoned by her mother and I think she felt this was like another abandonment. Meanwhile D and I got on really well, had good fun together and developed, or so I thought, a very loving bond. One summer we all went abroad for the summer and it was fun, some bad times, but mostly I enjoyed it.
I decided to sell my house, which was too big and build a smaller place in the area I lived in. This we could use and also his house. Meanwhile he built a big fancy house. This was his plan before he met me. He excluded me from making decisions about the house and even when he would consult me he would then do the opposite. I spent a year in and out of shops looking at materials/furniture etc for his place. So off he went abroad, making lots of money. I stayed home and took care of his daughter and he would come home every few weeks. Meanwhile little contact with xwife.
November 05 xwife appears on the scene. She has never had a job since their marriage ended and my guess was that she was running out of money. All of a sudden we met Mother Earth. In the meantime XN and I were having problems, he was getting more and more controlling, no more sex, etc. I felt like the unpaid childminder, housekeeper etc. It really pissed me off.
Dec 05 XN was having severe problems with boss abroad. They were discussing terminating his contract as he was so difficult. It was coming up to my daughters anniversary. I was sick of his me me me stuff. When he came back from abroad he went to his house, I told him I wanted to spend the anniversary not talking about him and with my daughter's friends.
When he got back to his house, xwife had moved in and he told her it was ok for her to stay. I did not know this at the time. He told me later that he asked her to stay because he thought I was going to abandon him. His paranoia kicked in. The story then changed to she was only the housekeeper/childminder etc and I never appreciated his fancy house, car etc while she did.
We had arranged to go on holidays. I was in shock, his D who was like my own child turned into this vicious nasty monster who was so rude to me. I was in total shock. Came back from hols. Me to my house, XN to house with Xwife. He said he had a breakdown and loved me ....... we could work it out. He was not sure what he wanted etc.
I got so angry one day that I called to his house. xwife was there all settled in. I challenged him. He asked should he ask her to leave. ended up having a big row in the house. Xwife told me the reason she left D with him was because he said he would kill himself if she took D. My response to that is I would not leave my kids with anyone who was suicidal. She erased the past 8 years and had settled into big fancy house. I have always know that material things are very important to her. Meanwhile he is crying on the couch saying he loves me but he wants his family back. NUTS. I left.
Time passed, I think I had PTSD. I could not eat, work, sleep got ill and all the time he is coming down to see me "trying to figure out what the best thing to do was because he did not want to hurt anyone" what a shit!. He moved in with me last summer, which was ok. Then we went abroad for the fall which was terrible. He was rude, cruel, mean, depressed,
You know what I cannot write anymore right now because I need to go to the bathroom to throw up.
axa
