It Worked...

[gratitude28]

Here's an interesting and kind of sad end to the psych test experiment. I talked to my mother today and worked it in to the conversation to ask if she had taken the personality test. She said yes and that she had scored as a Narcissist and Schizophrenic. And she said, "Please don't send me any more tests like that." She was laughing in a way, but also bothered by the results. I feel kind of bad about it in a way. What do you all think about her scoring high on Schizophrenia too?
BTW, I took the test and scored middle of the road for everything except Narcissism (54%) and OC (54%) but those were still in normal range. I wanted to try it out first.

Just in case you missed it the first time, here is the link

http://similarminds.com/personality_tests.html

[liberty]

Hi,

I think that it is good that she took the tests and at least admitted her scores. I hope that this could cause some improvement but I don't know. My experience is that nothing really changes but then again my experience would have told me that my Nmom would not have even taken the test.

The Schizophrenia result is interesting. I guess that there is more going on in your mom's mind than you know about.

I took the tests as well and my results were similar to yours.

Lib

[pennyplant]

And she said, "Please don't send me any more tests like that."
She was laughing in a way, but also bothered by the results. I feel kind of bad about it in a way.

Well, I guess there is a human being locked away somewhere in there.  The real question then is, will she ever let that human being see the light of day?  My guess is that it would cause her too much pain to let that other part of her come out into the real world.  It's painful work for us as we unpeel our protective layers.  I imagine it would simply be too awful for the N to try and do the same thing.  They would be too afraid.  It would hurt too much.  They are unused to feeling the kind of pain that we have always been open to, subjected to, etc.  We are willing to let pain into our lives in order to heal.  I think the Ns can't even get their minds around that concept.

I sound a little bitter today!  I'm working through some things and hopefully will be able to start a thread about it soon.  But meantime, this is how I would explain your mom's reaction to her test results.  And I'm not too awfully surprised she took the test.  She probably figured it would be okay since it was about her.  And my own mother has gone to counseling for months at a time.  But it didn't really do a thing for the N stuff.  It helped her deal with her very disordered husband.  So, Ns can be complicated, too!

Pennyplant

[Hopalong]

Penny,
Thank you for this.

In spite of our hurt, rage, anger and legitimate defensiveness, it always helps me somehow when we can acknoweledge that Ns are human beings.

Doesn't reduce the need to keep our boundaries and our distance one iota, but it helps me in a spiritual sense.

Thanks.

Hops

[gratitude28]

You know, this is how I felt too. It went back to the crocodile image. I LIKE crocodiles. I like watching them and even think they are cute.

I am feeling guilty. Sometimes I feel that I am complaining about things that I shouldn't be... especially when I see how much more others have been through.

And I do see my mother's kindness sometimes. And her weaknesses. And insecurities. And it all makes me very sad. And it also makes me feel bad about feeling the way I do about her. ANd sometimes I get the warm fuzzy image back that I carried for so long because I needed to have a mother in my life.

It was very hard yesterday to have this sadness and then read the article describing exactly how my mother went about hurting me and what she still does to me. It's hard to put the two together. And it's hard to know that it is all so well hidden and that I have no idea how I am portrayed to ther people except on the rare occasion when I have saomeone say that I am surprisingly nice or some such thing and wonder why they wouldn't think I am...

Thank you liberty and penny and hops...

Love, Beth

[isittoolate]

Hi Beth

Interesting that she took the test.

She was laughing in a way.. I'm wondering now why that doesn't sit well with me.

I thought of my mother and how she seldom smiled, let alone laughed, but when she did I am thinking it was at inappropriate times....means something....maybe it will come to me.

Love
Izzy

[gratitude28]

I think I projected the laughing. I think she was more wry in her answer about it. Here are the full details unblemished by my interpretations.

We were playing a game on a gamesite with a chat. On a board where others can see, we were chatting. I said, after chatting about this and that, so, sis you ever take that test. She answered that she had and it said she was narcissitic and schizophrenic. and then said, please don't send me any more tests.

I interpreted it as wry humour because I know how she says these things. She is very much an ostrich... about news, self-study and such things. She prefers to stay in a cocoon. Also, sometimes she seems to know things aren't right for her. A few years back she got on an antidepressent and felt better for a while. SHe was kind during the initial period. She knows she doesn't feel happy, buit often blames it on other things... for a long time it was because of her thyroid, then because we had deaths in the family, they have lived where they are for almost thirty years but "hate it..."  life would be good if they had more money. There is always a way to avoid looking at the real issue... that she doesn't feel good inside.

So I don't know. But thanks for the note. I also rarely have seen my mother laugh or smile. Only if it is in cruelty aimed at someone or if it is a joke that she has heard enough to kind of understand. We never had much happy humour in my house.

Love, Beth

[gratitude28]

Good questions, CB. Let me get comfy on the couch here and ponder...

Actually, what I meant was... would she take it and actually tell me the answer. But now that I think about it. I was also wondering if I could get her to take it without her suspecting that I think she is an N. I don't know why, but I feel scared to point it out or bring it up with her. I think that you are right, maybe I am scared that I am wrong, even though I know I am not. I have never seen such crazy behavior as that which I saw this summer. I know that is what she was like before, but I had an idealized image of my family. I remember a point when I realized my parents were fallible and it made me sad. Then I started seeing how revolting our house was, how strange our situation was...

So, yes, I am afraid sometimes that everyone will jusm up and point out that I am making this all up and that I am mean. I know my sister thinks that (when she's not complaining to me about her...).

When my motehr got on an anitdepressant a few years back, the doctor told her she could take it without therapy because he felt she was fine. That is how much she can fool people. At work, I hardly recognized her. SHe was capable and smart... I remember my sister and I both wondering why that woman couldn't be our mom.

I guess I feel sneaky, CB. Maybe I feel sneaky like her.

Thank you for the tough questions... Need to think more.

Love, Beth

[Stormchild]

When my motehr got on an anitdepressant a few years back, the doctor told her she could take it without therapy because he felt she was fine. That is how much she can fool people. At work, I hardly recognized her. SHe was capable and smart... I remember my sister and I both wondering why that woman couldn't be our mom.

I guess I feel sneaky, CB. Maybe I feel sneaky like her.

Thank you for the tough questions... Need to think more.

Love, Beth

I was so lucky, in how I discovered my own mother's true nature - in a weird way.

People came to me and told me what my mother had been doing because they were so ashamed that they had believed her without ever making any effort to hear 'my side' of things.

It makes a difference. The information wasn't 'tainted' in any way and I could just take it in...

But Beth, I do know how this feels. I didn't 'trap' my mother into any admissions but I have, on more than one occasion 'set up' other abusive - or dishonest - people to reveal their true natures, when I wasn't sure [and had some way of doing so available to me]. It always feels crummy.

It's one of these 'does the end justify the means' things.

I don't think there's a cut and dried answer... in my case, I discovered that my ex-beloved was cheating on me, and spared myself a lot of grief in the long term at the expense of more grief in the short term [and feeling soiled]. I also discovered that a friend was not a friend at all; again sparing myself long term grief at the cost of short term pain.

It's a tough call, and you can't really make it yet. I now believe with all my heart that I was wise to force my ex-beloved to 'give his game away'... you see, the husband of the woman he cheated on me with died, a few years later, under rather strange circumstances... she was a nurse... who knows what I may have escaped?

[gratitude28]

Wow, storm, sounds like maybe you got lucky that he was a philanderer - and it was with your great strength that you were able to bie the bullet and send him packing as soon as you could prove it...

I have also been thinking about your mom spreading things about you... I really think my mother does this to me. I have heard her do it (I never knew that she drank so much before she decided to quit), but it didn't click that that was what she was doing at the time. Now I could think back to a ton of such examples.

CB, thank you once again for your input. I really need to think about my intentions toward her. I think I am upset b/c maybe I am baiting her on purpose... not just to confirm what I believe, but maybe to torment too. If that is true, I need to change my manner and stop.

Love, Beth

[Stormchild]

You are so HONEST, Beth. Unflinching. Admirable. But be fair to yourself, too...

Re my ex: sneaky I was. He never knew that I had found out. I never discussed it with him, because I knew there was no point, nothing could be salvaged. I simply found a job in another state, packed up my critters and all my stuff, moved out courtesy of new employer, and then contacted him after a couple of months to sell out my half of the house. He was a tad surprised; but I was hundreds of miles away, and [now I see the significance of this] ... safe.

[isittoolate]

hi Beth

but maybe to torment too. If that is true, I need to change my manner and stop

Do you really believe that you can torment an N? I wonder! I don't think there was anything I could do to torment when I was with the N.....but then his verbal abuse had turned ne into a vegetable.

.....but it is good that you examine the situation and determine if you had an agenda.

Love Izzy