Negative entities - retread

[axa]

Retread,

I decided to take the topic of your post onto another thread. 

Xn decided, when he did not want to take responsiblity for his disgusting abusive actions, that he was "possessed" by a bad spirit who made him do the bad things.  "I am not a bad person" how often I heard that.  Well, I want to challenge this.

He knew what he was doing.  He was looking for an out.  When all else had failed and the writing was on the wall that he had been behaving so disgustingly he was grappling for someone/something else to blame.  The little boy voice etc pleading about this evil spirit in him.  He was looking for more supply. 

Now that I have some distance I see how crazy it all was.  I got hooked in, but at a distance.  He wanted me to do some work with him "exorcising" this evil spirit.  He was so NUTS or was he.  The subtext was of course that he was the injured one and he had the power to cast me in the role of the saviour and he got so much supply.  In the end he went on the internet and found someone who would cast out his spirits!!!!!! Cost him a fortune.  He came back after the "treatement" he appeared gentler and changed in some way.  But it did not last long.  Quickly he returned to himself.

He was not that keen to discuss the details of his "treatement" other than to tell me that he had a number of lost spirits in him and they had been cast out.  He had a recording of some of the process which was a very deep hypnosis.  I discussed this with a therapist who suggested that through the hypnosis he supressed all of his anger and this explains the gentle side of him but she advised it wont last.  He will be back to himself in no time at all.  And of course he was.  Off he went to have more "treatment" and this time having paid a lot of money the Therapist did some new age therapy with him.  I suggested that  neighbour of mine would have done the same for $20.  And so he returned to his evil abusive self.

I think when Ns are found out and they have nowhere else to hide, when the smoke and mirrors have cleared they will call on anything to blame their behaviour on.  I for one do not buy the evil spirit theory.  I know that XN knew what he was doing.  He was making decisions which hurt others but were ALWAYS to his advantage.  He would joke about the evil side of him.  You would have to have known him to know what a good actor he was/is.

Nope, I know he knew what it was up to and it was all his own work.

axa

[Stormchild]

I'm not certain on this one, axa, because I've lived a lot and traveled a lot and worked in several different cultures and countries, and the face of evil, when I have looked into it, has been eerily the same, no matter where or when I've encountered it.

Sad to say it, but as I put the pieces together, i began to recognize that I was seeing much of the same in my mother's face, and in her eyes, when she looked at me. But that's me. Others will have seen it first elsewhere.

For that matter, and to balance this, when I think about the face of goodness, the light in the eyes of people who love and want to know truth, there's a 'family resemblance' there too.

at the very least, we are marked by what we serve, i think.

[seastorm]

Axa:

His rather silly behaviour makes sense. He was running out of ways to rationalzie his behaviour so he gets possessed IE. The devil made me do it.

This is so typical and so attention getting that it boggles the mind. My ex tore his rotator cuff and could not work for many months. Then he said his hearing was going. He would get so dramtic about it. Sort of Munchosins by Proxy. Hurt himself to get attention.

It is all so exhausting. They really are vampires.

Sea storm

[axa]

Seastorm, storm child,

I think that evil is the lack of empathy.  I have read Scott Peck's book and he talks a lot about this in The People of the LIe.  He saids that his encounter with evil was with people with NPD and their inability to empathise with others.  XN had cold eyes, I used to say to him how dead his eyes looked.  Scott Peck also talked about possession but i know with XN it was all his own handiwork. 

I have hurt people in my life and I look back and wish I had done many things differently.  I have learend from my own selfishness.  XN knows but does not learn.  He does not care.  He's not crazy he is cold and vicious.

Axa

[seastorm]

Hi Axa:

Yes I think Scott Peck is right.

My exN  had eyes that would sort of block me out. Sometimes I would say let me look into your eyes.  Then I would and I would see them shift back to reality. I know this sounds weird. This is the "lights are on but nobody's home"sydrome.

Your ex is UNPLUGGED.  So was mine.  The lack of empathy has resounding consequences for people who feel. Like being emotonally skinned alive. I am not there now but I was. It just fries our circuits. Talking about it to someone who understands helps a lot.

Sea storm

[Leah]

Hi all,

Eyes:  they do say are the window to your soul

Eyes:  looking into my Nmother's and Nsister's eyes makes your tummy have that scaredy feeling, as they change into dark pebbles, and, also they cast their eyes down to you, whilst displaying that smirky grin (hard to put into words).  NC in place, but aside from that, I don't think I could ever go back and see those eyes again. 

They are evil persons and I am not being unkind to them, the history of their actions speaks accordingly.

On the thread entitled 'openness honesty with friends' I shared about my now x new friend church lady (I had to drop some items off to her yesterday, and proud to say that I handled myself well exercising my boundary ... another story.  But her eyes, I have never once seen them smile, have any light them, they are completely black cold and chilling - bit scarey actually.  And if only I had heeded that 'gut feeling' upon my first encounter with her, as she sat staring at me with her cold black eyes - why the heck didn't I?
Just wanted to be kind and think of kind things of her I think.

Thankfully, I am very grateful to be me, my life has not been much to shout about in terms of love and happiness, but, more and more I am genuinely humble and thankful to have been created as me, people do like to look into my eyes and they have said that they see light in them, not boasting about it, just really very very grateful.  Soppy and sensitive yes, to the annoyance of many, but so thankful.  I have been told "I am too nice and make people hate me"  at work!  Who needs N's when you have colleagues!  (most likely an N anyway).

Also, over a year ago now, on a day outing, which I went on with a group as I was so lonely (never been on one again)  I did get talking with a man who seemed nice and friendly, but, his eyes changed in front of me, for no apparent reason, from light sparkly blue to dark black.  Then his face went from soft to hard.  He just looked in my eyes and said "your eyes make me feel guilty" "I feel like a bad boy with you"  ..... well I had that scaredy feeling in my tummy and my heart went thump thump. 

Leah

[Hopalong]

Wow, Leah, what a great description of a red flag. I can tell you heeded it!
I get a feeling that you're on a voyage to finding your own power and courage.
I think you have more of it than you know.
You are no scared bunny. You just had things to learn about the reality of some people.

Speaking of descriptions, I'm staggered by how well people here can nail a look or a behavior in just a few words or phrases. SUCH a bunch of writers, and such a gift for communicating.

I think that's part of being sensitive too. You spend your life feeling (sometimes more than is healthy) but at the same time, you have a mind, and it's curious, and you have language, and you observe and study. I love the way we share these insights...whether it's of good moments or bad.

emotionally skinned alive
Munchausen's by proxy
smirky grin

(shudder)

I remember my last xNbf telling me with flatness and truth "I have a very very dark side". Me, of course, to self: "Oh, how honest he is, that's good, he must have a conscience...etc."

Arrgggh! Actually, I believe that Ns are human, they do suffer, and even some, sometimes, feel guilt. That is not the same as being ethical or aware or responsible or repairable, however.

Hops

[Leah]

Thanks Hops,

Feel encouraged.

The now x new friend church lady person actually told me on the phone that she was so happy to have made friends with me, then followed it with .... "butl I have to warn you that I may hurt you"   

Heart went thump thump again and sinking tummy feeling with thoughts of 'dejavou, oh no not again!' 

Her black cold eyes, together with the warning of hurting me, was a warning, because she kept her promise and did hurt me, but, thankfully as I am now a different person, who has still some way to go, she failed being me down.

She has pre-emptivly gone round telling folk that I have a problem, poor Leah I did so try to help her.  Pious false good works and false empathy.

My 'Smirky Grin's detector is switched on together with my intuitive feeling about 'smirky grins' and 'black cold pebble eyes' or 'eyes that change'

intuition, discernment, 'gut feeling' is in charge from now on.

(((Leah)))

[Leah]

I get a feeling that you're on a voyage to finding your own power and courage.
I think you have more of it than you know.
You are no scared bunny. You just had things to learn about the reality of some people.

Hops, your words mean so much to me and I truly thank you from the bottom of my heart.  God Bless you.  Leah

[Hopalong]

Thank you, sweet Leah.

On the other hand, thank you also to

POWAH-LEAH! Roarrrrrr!

My 'Smirky Grin's detector is switched on together with my intuitive feeling about 'smirky grins' and 'black cold pebble eyes' or 'eyes that change'...intuition, discernment, 'gut feeling' is in charge from now on.

Wonderful.

Hops

[dekor]

I can relate to the eye issue.  I could always read his eyes. I could act or react by looking into those eyes.

When my ex’s eyes would glaze over and wide.  He was lying.

When my ex’s eyes would glaze over and wide but his head was up and turned to the right looking up.  He was rekindling a story. A story where he felt heroic or God like.

When my husband would look directly at me his eyes would be a cold, icy stare.
That was danger to me.  It was a challenge.  He wanted the challenge.  It was a sign to turn from him not look directly into his but not take mine off him.  Look sideways.  Glance at him but always look away.  Don’t take the challenge. 

I got so good at reading his emotions, his thoughts through his eyes.  It saved my life.
One night he was cutting potatoes at the kitchen table.  He started an argument and wanted me to oppose to it.
I looked over and saw those eyes.  Icy, cold. I did not.  I looked away, not all the way I was looking sideways at him to see what he was doing at all times and planning in my head how to handle the situation.  He started banging the knife onto the table in a very low, deep voice saying,  What, what, you disagree with me.  I agreed with everything he said. I kept my calm so he couldn't react to my movements, my speech, my  terror. I didn't want to flee in a sprint to the door or I believe he would of nailed me.  He went back to cutting his potatoes and I made an excuse that I had to go to the store or something. I went to my neighbors house and called an attorney told him all the craziness and the last I needed a divorce.  That is when the attorney said, maybe I was just being a bitch.  Wonder what the attorney's eyes looked like when he was calling me a bitch.  Wonder what they looked like when he saw the Front page of the Newpapers when my husband was locked up. 
 
Deb

[debkor]

Oh and by the way.  Speaking about the attorney and what his eyes looked like.

If and when he saw the title of the paper.
The headline said:

Disgraced and my husband profession and Gutsy housewife.

The writer who wrote this became friends with me.
I found out that her fist husband was an N. 

I hope that attorney changed his way of thinking, but he probably was an N too.

Deb

[axa]

Hops

I remember my last xNbf telling me with flatness and truth "I have a very very dark side". Me, of course, to self: "Oh, how honest he is, that's good, he must have a conscience...etc."


You sound just like me/  XN told me after a significant lenght of time i must admit, that I had no idea how devious he was..........too true.  And yep, I thought well at least he is straight with me. 


Arrgggh! Actually, I believe that Ns are human, they do suffer, and even some, sometimes, feel guilt.

XN did feel some guilt but it could he could get rid of it in record time. As soon as he got some supply from me it was as if the wrong doing had not existed.  I wonder did he feel guilt or was it just another way to get supply.  I think XN suffered to some extent but again his ability to switch on and off the suffering always felt strange.




I think  That is not the same as being ethical or aware or responsible or repairable, however.

too true.  XN would sometimes talk about insights into his behaviour, which always was a big hook in for me, but would do nothing about it.  He would try and sabotage any solutions I would come up with for our problems.  He did not want a solution he enjoyed the buzz of my anxiety and fearfulness/ I know it made him feel very powerful.  So while he admitted what was going on was not fair or right he was not willing to repair anything. 

AXA

Hops
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