Lack of voice again

[axa]

Yesterday I saw my T.  Whom I have great respect for.  I went in and had a rant about XN now that I realise that he has been on dating sites since 2005.  The session progressed and what was interesting was that she pointed out that somehow I seem to have a sense that I do not believe she hears the truth of XN's behaviour.  This came up at the end of the session - ran out of time.  Will bring it up again next week.

It is back to my sense of not being heard.  I know she was shocked about him putting the drugs in my bag and she expressed this but I find it so h ard to believe that she believes me.  Is it something about the fact that I feel I am not heard anywhere in my life.  I am so conscious about not dumping on friends.  Mostly I think because they all thought I was crazy to stay with him for so long that feel unable to say; anything much about him.  Also there is my shame about being with such a toxic person.

In my life I am a very good talker.  I think this is linked to my voicelessness.  I talk but I do not feel heard.  This is so much part of my injury. I wanted XN to hear me.  I spent so much time telling him and of course he heard nothing.  Here we go again, just because I state clearly what I feel, need etc I have some twisted idea that I will be heard.......... pollyanna again.

This is hard work.


axa

[Gaining Strength]

That voicelessness is a powerful wound in my life.  I didn't have a word for it until I came here.  Now that I know this I can see so many ways it has and continues to affect my life.  But I am convinced that it is my PERCEPTION of being voiceless that traps me in voicelessness.

It is so interesting that your T, "pointed out that somehow I seem to have a sense that I do not believe she hears the truth of XN's behaviour."  She sounds like an extraordinary therapist. 

It is back to my sense of not being heard.
Do not dispair that you are recognizing your voicelessness.  Each and everytime you see this and process it you are progressing.  It is not a one time process and POOF you are over it.  It does take time.  You are rewriting a deeply imbedded message in your brain and you are replacing it with a new habit.  You are just getting the hang of it - identifying how you feel voiceless and overcoming it.  Be patient and celebrate each time you recognize it now.  Be glad that you caught it again.  That is how you will eradicate that dis-ease.  This is a good sign not one to worry about.  These are growth pains not a sign of slipping backwards. 

I bet you are dieing to get back to your T to finish that conversation!  You are doing well, Axa.  It must feel strange but you are doing well. - your friend - Gaining Strength

[isittoolate]

Hi axa

How interesting that the therapist picked up on that!!!

You are being heard!!

Did you ever find that, before, you repeated yourself  because there was no response from the other person, regarding a comment of yours that required an OMG! or "Good for you", or whatever? That is what I did and when there was no response, I was hurt and bewildered and felt unheard! Now I pay more attention to what I am saying, and discerning if a response would be required, as maybe people were bored and thought me repetitious. I feel I am communicating better.

......then some people don't want to hear about out troubles, because they don't know how to respond.

xx
Izzy

[Stormchild]

... or they just don't care.

In my experience most people who care, but aren't sure how to react, will tell me:

"I care about this but I don't know how best to support you. What do you need? How can I help?"

Honest to God, it ain't rocket surgery.

[towrite]

I grew so tired of my XN saying she "didn't know how" to respond when I said something significant. She never asked me to show her either, once again proving what an N she was.

Towrite

[Stormchild]

Not knowing can be excusable. Not wanting to learn, though, is a dead giveaway.

[axa]

Guys,

I think fundamentaly it is a case of they just dont care. 

TOWRITE  XN spent the last year saying I dont know/ I dont know what to do.  etc.  I would recommend a course of action and say now  you do know and of course he would still do nothing.  I think that this type of response is very interesting.  Its a sitting on the fence to see what you know/dont know so that they can continue to scheme.

Izzy,

Not sure how much people ever want to hear others troubles.  Seems to me most 3D people are so busy they dont have time to listen.

axaq