Oh Axa, I really do know how you feel and the angst in your heart, that empty pang as it were. My niece will be 18 soon and I still miss her terribly.
But getting back to your XN's D's 18th birthday - of course you loved her very much and you are still coming to terms with the painful separation and loss. And as you had been in discussion with the planning of her special birthday party, then it really hurts, to be cut-off and left out.
You are going through a bereavement grieving process with the D as you had become quite close, doing things together. So the separation and loss would be the same as if she were your own D. Your love for her was obviously so very unconditional, so you need to allow yourself time to grieve and slowly heal. All you can do is treasure the moments you enjoyed with her, as one would in any other grieving process.
Detaching from the whole family is what is best for you.
Time to take care of you now Axa.
Warm wishes,
Leah
