Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
narcisism?
cj:
Post deleted by c.j.
cj:
Post deleted by c.j.
cj:
Post deleted by c.j.
rosencrantz:
You're OK, c.j.! I thought about posting those words in response to your earlier 'little posts' but I didn't have anything else to say and it seemed a bit lame all by itself - so I thought I'd leave it til you'd posted some more. Sometimes a poster just needs to witter on a bit - and that's Ok, too.
Loved this :
--- Quote ---My response (well, um, sorry mum, I'm fucking busy losing my mind, sorry if I'm not to enthusiastic)
--- End quote ---
. Made me laugh out loud! If you've got a sense of humour you're well on your way back to recovery!!
What's the worst that could happen if someone doesn't like you?? Their loss, don't you think??
Actually a sense of humour is very 'attractive' - so I'm sure people won't dislike you if you get on out there a bit. But it's often difficult to be ourselves when we're waiting for the indifference barrier to go up.
--- Quote ---to which she responded (disappointed) 'I just thought you would you would be happy for me, thats all!'.
--- End quote ---
I'm coming to the conclusion that these difficult parents are just children who never grew up - they had children so they could get parented. Which of course messes up (had to choose my words carefully there!!!) the next generation. I don't suppose for a minute that they did that consciously. I mean, you get married, you have kids, right??! But once the babies arrive, their own memories of lack of parenting get triggered and things start to go haywire.
The thing to be aware of on this board is that we've all got pain and bother and strife in our lives so if you don't get a reply it's not 'you'. Plus, we don't have answers - we can only share our own experience if we happen to have one that's similar. People sometimes miss a post - or they are off doing things in their own lives and don't turn up for a while. Don't take it personally and don't expect too much and you'll probably get loads back in return - in time!!! ;-)
I've just read your earlier post - about not being able to get going because of all the ifs and buts going on in your head. You know the only way to fix that is to do one thing and then another. It doesn't matter if it's the wrong decision - you've wasted enough life already and if you stay put you're only going to waste some more.
You mention Uni. Go to Uni - best way forward. You can squander your time if you want and use it as a social opportunity - most students in the UK seem to do that!! - and there are usually good counsellors on campus who can help.
I know when I was at rock bottom many years ago, I took one miniscule step (signed up for a free evening class) and it led to so much over time....but that's what's scary, isn't it!!!
I didn't get what I really, really, really wanted out of life, but hey! when you've had 'that' kind of start and 'those' kinds of blocks en route, it's a flaming miracle to find you've picked yourself up by the bootstraps and actually got a life again. Just keep walking forward...step, step, step...
Oh, and no point in guessing what other people are thinking about you! You're going to ALWAYS be wrong - guaranteed! :wink:
R
Anonymous:
Hello C.J. on your thread! Just some quick lines from me now. I am friendly I guess – we all are here, it’s an unusual message board - and I am who I say I am (female, 42, in the UK). We get the occasional odd poster here but they go away. So it’s pretty safe here, you can talk away (just remember to keep deleting those internet temporary files after you post).
My story is too long! Enough to say problems with my childhood and mother, father, step-father. I had trouble being anyone distinct, was so used to being on my own and not talked to much. Didn’t see much emotion in the house and certainly not good emotion. I thought I was ‘normal’ until last year! Such a weight has lifted from my shoulders to know that it wasn’t okay and I don’t have to keep believing I’m a bad person because I felt it wasn’t right. I just told people here some real things my mother did and said and they told me: no, that’s not caring or loving, your mother is unwell and you need to look after yourself. It made such a huge difference to me!
You said:
--- Quote ---No, I'm not working, I already wrote why. (Sorry, I get annoyed if I feel people don't understand. Probably 'cos I fear being percieved as lazy).
--- End quote ---
Brilliant! I love it when people are plain straight with me! Thank you. I’m sorry, I didn’t read your posts carefully enough and I made you tell me again – sorry. But I’m really pleased you told me! It shows you do have a sense of self-worth and self-respect and I get to apologise straight away. That’s how I like it. Lazy is a strange word. People say it when they mean “look at you doing ‘nothing’ while I’m doing all this! I’m envious!”. I find I’ve got too much in my head to be really lazy…
Cats are not dogs, you’re right. Cats think that they’re Gods: dogs think that we’re Gods! I guess we need a bit of both for balance?
You said:
--- Quote ---Its like occassions when she would ask me 'Whats wrong????', if I didn't appear happy. I always had to be content, even when I wasn't. Being bored was ok, but anything more personal
--- End quote ---
I recognise this. I wanted to yell: “Just leave me alone!!!” She was always prying, wanting to get a response so she could tell me how to feel and how to support her! I wasn’t allowed to be myself. I remember listening to a sad song on the radio, curled up on a chair age 12. She came up, moved my long hair aside to peer curiously into my face and said in a sort of rough way “are you crying?”. (Rosencrantz, what’s the label for this type of activity?)
Rosencrantz has given you good advice above. So I’ll just say: you’re not really horrible and I think I like you okay? But you might decide you don’t like me! That’s okay. But if you decide that, you better tell me! I think that’s partly how friendship works…talk to you later/tomorrow/whenever…P
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