keeping eyes on way out

[Gaining Strength]

I want to keep my eyes on the way out.  I am starting a post here to focus on positive, healing aspects.  - Pot

[axa]

Keep that goal in your viewfinder.

axa

[kell as guest]

I have been reading books which feature positive words.  Plus I know the steps I am taking are moving of forward in the big scheme of things.

[pennyplant]

I have trying to focus more on what is actually happening around me in my day to day life instead of always having my thoughts on what already happened or on what might happen.  Trying to be more immediate.  Trying to listen better.  Trying to take things as they come and really pay attention all around.

Pennyplant

[Gaining Strength]

I am using an affirmation to help me deal with feelings of shame, depression, comparison and impending failure that peck at me over and over, all through the day.  I thank God that he is transforming these feelings which come from my deep wounds into joyous activity. 

I am determined to move out of the dark, low energy levels and move into functioning, joyous energy.  Having realized the traps that I have internalized and perpetuated, I now have affirmations to help me alter the negativity to someting positive. 

The double-binds that I uncovered by reading co-narcissism are the very things that have held me down after I did womething well.  I cannot get over how bizarre it is to see that all these years I have allowed my parents need to see me fail actually keep me in failure.  As I have learned over and over, when I set my mind to make changes the ugly head of that behavior that I seek to change becomes bigger and stronger than ever.    But I am confident that this new energy will overcome this dark voice that has pulled me down all these years. 

So glad to have a place to share this.  Old voice want's me to be afraid but to much positive has happened and is happening.  i know I will succeed. - thanks - GS

[DivineSunshine]

Positive affirmation:

I willingly release the need for struggle or suffering.  I deserve all that is good!

I have about a ton of affirmation cards I got in December by Louise Hay and a few others in her field.  I think she might be the positive affirmation queen.

This one has been taped on my mirror for a while.  Thought I would share.  I try to say it to myself at least once a day. 

Another I heard this morning:

I am worthy of love and respect.

---Debbie Ford podcast  on abuse 2/16/06

She says write 20 things that you love about yourself every night for 20 days.  And why you should be loved.

Think I'll give it a shot.  Can't hurt can it?

Namaste,

Sunny

[Overcomer]

Hey, don't mean to hijack the thread but will someone define "double bind" for me again!!!!

Whatever is noble, whatever is lovely, whatever is pure...................think on these things!!!!!! 

[Bones]

Hi, Kell.

I don't have my textbooks at my fingertips at the moment, but I'll try to define the concept of "double-bind" off the top of my head.  A "double-bind" situation might be where it is a "no-win" situation.  An example I can recall with my Nmother when she bought certain foods.  If we didn't eat it fast enough, we were punished.  If we ate it faster, we were STILL punished!  If she thought we were lying, she beat us.  When we told the truth, she beat us.  It was crazy-making!

Bones

[Overcomer]

Oh, a no-win situation........like my mom saying if you do this, this and this......THEN I will back off.  So you do them and then you didn't do them well enough......or she didn't recall saying that.............

So back to keeping my eyes on the prize....................when my mother puts me into a double bind situation I will say, "Did you mean to put me in a double bind situation?"

[DivineSunshine]

Bones and Kell,

I think I have heard this referred to as cognitive dissonace or is that just the result of the double-bind?

Or am I way off base here.  Any ideas?

Sunny

[Bones]

Bones and Kell,

I think I have heard this referred to as cognitive dissonace or is that just the result of the double-bind?

Or am I way off base here.  Any ideas?

Sunny

I have to look it up.  Off the top of my head, I would say it's a bit of both.

Bones

[moonlight52]

Kell and Bones
 
Examples of "double bind" pretending to be a religious person filled with Holy Spirit but yet full of mocking others motive's .
Actions and behavior speak louder than words.

Bully's do this .And these are only reflections of a their lack of kindness .
Everyone needs their own path to learn that is all .... God - no separation.

The difference are in the choices we make
either to understand other's pain or not to do so .
All is OK no right or wrong just different paths...one can mock or live in fear or choose not to do so....

These things are done by ones that do not show who they are and live unmasked but as they say God See's All
Truth be told etc When one mocks others this usually is a big clue they are stuck in anger .That is sad.
Sad for those who believe there is something to win or lose.

[Bones]

I just remembered an example of "double-bind" from one of my psychology textbooks (can't remember which specific book).  The example was described by a psychologist, who was a student intern at the time of the incident.  An individual was an inpatient being treated for schizophrenia.  His mother came to visit him at the hospital.  When the patient went to hug his mother, she visibly stiffened as if she was rejecting his embrace.  When he drew back from her physical rejection, she demanded:  "What's the matter with you?!?  Don't you love your mother?!?!?"  He attempted to hug her again, only to be rejected again.

Does that help clarify double-bind a little better?

Bones 

[moonlight52]

Bones

perfect example

really the best

push pull

all that is needed in a no win thing

Is not to play that game

sadly these two did not understand the dynamic

[Overcomer]

That is a perfect example of double-bind!!!!!  Now for cognitive dissonance.......................that is the feeling you have when you walk out of a car dealership and have just signed for a car you love but you really can't afford........................you walk out and think, "oh, I don't know if I did the right thing by buying that car.............."  Another name for it is buyer's remorse......

Keeping my eyes on the prize!!  Independence!!!  (trying to keep the thread on topic somehow...........)