The Wizard of Oz & Other Narcissists

[Dazed1]

Hi All,

I'm reading a book called The Wizard of Oz & Other Narcissists by Eleanor D. Payson.

Although I have not totally finished reading it, I want to recommend this book.  It's the best book I have read on how to heal from being raised by Ns.  It gives comprehensive advise on how to deal with the wounds we have suffered and how to move on.

Other books I have read have identified the symptoms and consequences of being raised by Ns without giving enough of a road map towards healing.  This book goes into depth on exactly how N parents damaged us and what we can do to heal. 

For example, the book talks about what type of "projections" a parent projected onto the child and how those particular projections have specific ramifications in the life of the adult child.   It gives examples of how to find your "true self".  For those who want to continue their relationship with their N parent, the book discusses how to do so without nullifying your "true self".  The book also discusses the ramifications for adult children in romantic relationships.

I have found this book immensely helpful and wanted to share my find.

dazed

[Overcomer]

I ordered it and cannot wait to read it.  Although I have to say that I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.  I truly believe that all the crap I am going through is making me see things so much clearer than ever before.  I realize that my nmom has NO power over me.

[Leah]

Hi Dazed & Kell,

I have a copy of "The Wizard of Oz & Other Narcissists" by Eleanor D. Payson.

When reading it could not put it down.

Leah

[DivineSunshine]

Dazed wrote:

For example, the book talks about what type of "projections" a parent projected onto the child and how those particular projections have specific ramifications in the life of the adult child.   It gives examples of how to find your "true self".  For those who want to continue their relationship with their N parent, the book discusses how to do so without nullifying your "true self".  The book also discusses the ramifications for adult children in romantic relationships.


I was remembering back yesterday of when my N H said to me.  "Why can't you just let all the stuff your parents did to you GO?"

(As if I complain all the time which is nowhere near the truth.)

Because it has indeed affected my romantic relationship with him. And I am using the term romantic very loosely.   BUT the kicker here IS:  IF I just let it go---then he would have to go to.  Because the fact that they did what they did to me, is exactly why I put up with his N behavior!  If I let it GO (and I will) he doesn't get that that means letting him go too!

Twit.  

Can't even have compassion.  But if you ask HIM---he's loaded with it.  It oozes from him.

Yeah, like green slime from the monster movies!  Yuck.

He does know I let N parents go.  And that scares him.  He is acting all kinds of weird because of it.  Like OZ, I guess.

Just venting....thanks for the ear.


Sunny

[Overcomer]

My H says that, too.  He thinks I should be able to just let it go.  But my analogy is like being in quick sand and someone says to you, "just let it go."  You are still sinking and the only way to be saved is to get out of the pit and walk away....................

[Dazed1]

Hey Kell,

So glad you’re going to get this book.

Since I’m familiar with some of the stories of people on this board, I kinda wanted to give a shout out to those people who I thought might really benefit from this book and Kell, you came to mind.

There’s good info in the book on how to maintain a relationship with an N parent:

P. 106 “As you recognize the unique dynamics of your NPD parent’s defensive manipulations, you can counter them with effective limit setting strategies that will improve the quality of your interactions, regardless of change on the part of your NPD parent”.

So kell, I’m really psyched that you’re gonna get this.  Maybe I’m too in love with this book, but, for me, it’s a cool bottle of water in the dessert.

Enjoy, Honey!!


Hi Leah,

You and me with our sagging book shelves!!  Sounds like we each have reference libraries on Nism and the dysfunctional family. 

Read on!!

Hi Sunny,

You’re SOOOOOOO right!!  If you “let go” of your N parents, he’s going with ‘em!!! 

He just doesn’t get it.  But that’s really the problem:  The crap that we suffered due to N parents shows up in our love relationships, as well as in EVERY aspect of our lives!!  It’s just amazing how pervasive it is.

Love to all of you,
dazed

[Overcomer]

Hello Dazed et al:  I ordered this book AND Trapped in the Mirror..............I got free shipping and they both cost me $21.................I got them in five days.....USPS...could have gotten them quicker if I wasn't so cheap....

So I am reading both simultaneously..............I'll have to say that the Wizard book is an easier read.  And I also have to say that I prefer to read and identify with things more than I like to learn how to deal..........not that I don't want to deal with it, it just doesn't ring my bell like reading about people exactly like me and my Ns.  It is so refreshing to finally realize that I am not the one with the problem!!  I am not the crazy one......but I was lead to believe I was for many years!!!

Thanks for telling me about these books.  I am on my way to getting better

[Dazed1]

(((((((kell))))))))))

It is so refreshing to finally realize that I am not the one with the problem!!  I am not the crazy one......but I was lead to believe I was for many years!!!

Glad you feel they're helping.

Right on!! &  Read on,

dazed

[Overcomer]

Just finished The Wizard of Oz and other Narcissists.......................very good book.  I finished it in two days.  Got it yesterday. 

I cannot believe the amount of people who do NOT know about Narcissism.  You never see Narcissists Victims Anonymous................only AA or Al Anon.  I'd like to start one but how many people even know what it is?  I know the therapist that my nmom and I went to see didn't.  I emailed him prior to our sessions.  She had a one on one session with him first.  When I walked in everything he said was an exact copy of what I am sure came out of her mouth.....lies, manipulations of the truth, etc.  Our therapy was over.............................

I'll think it over and let you all know some more of what comes to me as I think about what I read.....