Why do people read and not respond???

[Overcomer]

(((leah)))) you, too!!

[Gaining Strength]

Sometimes I read and don't know what to say.  Sometimes I read and cannot sort out what I want to say.  sometimes I read and have nothing new to offer.  Sometimes I read and can't quit writing.
 
Sometimes I post and feel so left alone with what I've post and then I wonder, "Why did no one reply?" and feel rejected until I remember why I don't always reply. - GS

[seastorm]

I dont want anyone to feel defensive. I think it is amazing that a post can have over 2000 hits and yet have only 25 replies.  Theer must be an army of people who just read and don't post.
I felt like an idiot about posting and it took a sort of jump off the bridge and see what happens effort to post the first few times. I expected to be revealed to be a bad person or a useless , stupid person worthy of scorn.  I think it helps to take a risk and communicate here.
I don't mean peopel are lazy or disrespectul. They are quiet and out there.
Maybe they know someones thread or story really well and they follow it. I have a lot of imagination and I wonder about the people who visit and just pass by. Maybe something here has changed their life or helped them in some small way.
So this is not a critcism or an attack. 

[Stormchild]

((((((((((Seastorm))))))))))

I didn't feel attacked or criticized and I didn't feel as though you were attacking or criticizing anyone else... you just noticed that a lot more folks read than respond, and were wondering what that meant.

Hugs to you --

[Leah]

(((((( Sea Storm sweetie ))))))


You asked the " silent people to say why they don't respond. I am really curious."  

Which just goes to show, just how valuable a person you are, a curious thinking person.

You asked a most interesting question ...... and it provided interesting feedback and thoughts,from all of us who do post,
and you invited those who never post to exercise their voice, if they wish to ........ wonderful stuff!


(((Leah))))

[SilverLining]

The regular posters do such a good job, often I have nothing more to add   Time and attention span are other issues for me.  Reading/ writing too much on the computer starts messing with my brain after awhile.   So I don't reply if I don't think I can do justice to the topic.

[Lupita]

What if we are afraid of saying something stupid? What if we say something that hurts? What if we do not know what to say?
I agree with the cyber hug. It is like at work. Some people totally ignore me at mork. Like those students ignored by the popular cheer lieders. But I believe that at least a good morning should always be observed. Something that many people dont do and when you say good morning it is like you dont exist. Hope I am not saying anything bad.
Lupita

[CB123]

Lupita,

I think you are the very kind of person that Seastorm was talking to when she started this thread.  People who have something valuable to say, but who are afraid to participate.  All of us would hate missing the chance to know you.

You didnt say anything stupid, Lupita.  I'm glad you are here.

CB

[Lupita]

What if people get disappointed for not having any response and they start modeling their posts with the objective of getting responses? That would be terrible. Because then people would not express them selves and would not be honest. What if they do it unconsciously? Maybe we can model our personality to become more likable to be able to have friends? But, then we would not be ourselves and would not be honest. I am confused. Guess everything I feel is confusing.
Lupita

[Hopalong]

Lupita, hon,
When I was much younger I could not stop groveling and apologizing, because I felt terrible shame simply for existing. I think a lot of it was the religious messages I absorbed. Shame and guilt from the get-go, starting with being female.

I finally recognized the degree to which this had distorted my sense of self when a friend said to me with real caring and seriousness, I wish you would stop apologizing so much, I feel uncomfortable saying anything to you because I don't want you to feel so guilty.

I answered with real caring and seriousness, "I'm sorry I apologize so much."

 

Hopalong

[pennyplant]

We have seen each other on our good days and our bad days and I have noticed that the people here are very accepting of the bad days.

Oh, how true this is.  That is one of the very important things I have been able to learn here.  That when things go bad it is not always a forever thing.  There were times when fights occurred here on the message board and I lost hope and thought, wow, I don't even fit in here.  But for some reason I kept reading even when I couldn't put any responses together and I got to watch some of the ways difficulties get resolved.  I never had that modeled for me while growing up!

I still have a long ways to go.  But I am changing!

If people model their posts just to get a response, that might be a stage in their learning process.  The thing is, others will respond from their point of view.  Such a post can still be a learning situation.  There have been posts on occasion that have raised red flags with me.  I have slowly learned to trust my instincts.  So, even that was useful, maybe not in the way the person intended.... And sometimes I have learned that I was nervous about a post when I didn't need to be.  So, I'm also learning to be open-minded rather than dismissive right away.

This is quite a place!

Pennyplant

[Leah]

Hi  ((( Lupita )))

You have raised some interesting points, and, I can see that you are a most thoughtful person.

Happy to see you here on board.

Keeping posting as you feel comfortable.

CB has given you sound advice.

Leah x

[ANewSheriff]

seastorm,

Thank you for asking this question.  I hear you loud and clear, however, I am one of your culprits.  I came here almost a year ago and was very active at that time and for several months following.  My life has gotten very busy in a positive way.  I do not check in as often as I would like.  This group was very key in assisting me through some major life changes and awarenesses.  I am beyond grateful and wish to be there for another in need as this group was here for me; not to mention I like to keep up with the lives of those I met here. 

There are times I read a post and its replies and do not feel that I could add anything other than, "Yeah!  What he/she said.".  Truthfully, I do not wish to minimize the person's issue with an, "I am so sorry."  It seems trite.  I guess what I am trying to say is that sometimes words fail me.

I read a post yesterday that hurt me so deeply (for the poster).  I wanted to respond.  Again, words just failed me. 

You have struck a chord in me with your post.  I will make a more solid attempt to be responsive in the future. 

ANewSheriff             

[Lupita]

In response to CB
I did not have that when I was a child. My parents did not send me to kindergarten beacuse they thought that was a waste since they did not learn nothing there but only went to play. Also, my mother always told me that the only person I should love was her, because only her would give me a kidney if I needed it, and only her would love me. She always said that I did not need any friends, that friends only cause problems, and she did everything she could to avoid me having any kind of social life. I was never able to invite a friend to my house, never ever. So, at 50 now, thinking it is never too late to start having friends, and to stop being isolated, old dogs dont learn new tricks, i am trying to be a likable person, but not usccessful yet. It is an effort, huge effort. Sometimes, impossible.
Lupita

[seastorm]

Dear Lupita,

Your responses have been invaluable and have opened up real dialogue. Good for you.

I think that I am the one with the problem of counting the number of posts. I am so imature sometimes that I DD count them. Actually everytime. And if I don't get any responses I start compulsviely going to the computer until I do. Well, this needs to come out. There it is.  I don't care if someone just says "that is too bad" or "I am rooting for you" or "you are a weenie".  It is somethng.

From putting out my truth and my story I have moved from a suicidal recluse to a person who feels supported and  who is believing in herself through a huge life transition. When I first started posting I had no self esteem and I was afraid of rejection.  I would hope that if there is someone who was like me ( hurting, scared, in limbo) that they would start writing ANYTHING.  I think that people here pick up on the smallest clues of someone testing the waters and they shower them with warmth and acceptance. I just love that.
( My grandfather was a travelling evangelist and I like to spread the word to. This is the closest I have come to a loving community.

Sea storm