Author Topic: Why do people read and not respond???  (Read 6811 times)

seastorm

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Why do people read and not respond???
« on: February 17, 2007, 08:07:10 PM »
I have been noticing that about five times more people read posts than respond to them. In one case over two thousand people read the post and  1 out of 100 resonded.

I started to get the "willies" over this. Some of the stories are so sad and yet people don't even write to say, "sorry bud, that is said". Some stories are really tragic and about human maulings that should never happen in a sane world but the people just read them and what????  I started to feel like there are voyeurs feasting on lurid tragedy, or silent witnesses who see but don't extend a hand, or maybe there are doctoral students doing research on the viability of computer support groups.

Imagine 2000 hits on a post and 20 replies. What does this mean?

I invite the silent people to say why they don't respond. I am really curious.

Sea storm

isittoolate

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Re: Why do people read and not respond???
« Reply #1 on: February 17, 2007, 08:56:05 PM »
Hmmmmmmmmmmmm

Hi

I am a 'guilty ' one., and I'll tell you why.

My experience with the psychopath lasted 4 + years and was just as horrendous as anyone else's whether an N or a P, but has been ver for 4+ years.

I don't feel like telling my story again and it hurts (yes, me with no emotions) to read of someone still stuck in the mix and not into No Contact, yet. I've already admited my life has been filled with junk and I don't know how much good advice I could impart!

There were no children invovled re P/N

There are instances whereby someone must have Contact with the N because of children----that boggles my mind.....as my eldest grandson lives with his N father, divorced from my daughter and g'son is already, at 20, showing N traits. The other 2, 17 and 14 with my daughter are both in Therapy because of N dad.

I'm understanding now that MY dad was an N and my sister is an N, and it's all blowing my mind, especially since 'know it all' sister  says, " read the bible and you'll be fine and throw out your shit".--somethiing like that--

We all have similar cirumstances, and like all kinds of different things that work for us in getting better. I'm just a babe, finding one thing at a time. Remember my first post and I said the psychiatrist said I had Avoidant Personality Disorder?---well I've tossed that away. I'm crawliing along just picking up what I think will help me, and when I have found something, I will post.

I posted about Shame, but Stormchild did so, 2 years ago. We will have to update our newbies with these findings.

Did I make any sense? I'm away from the N, and now I work on me, voicelessmess/shame and whatever else I come across.

Do I appear selfish?

Love to all
IZZY


mudpuppy

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Re: Why do people read and not respond???
« Reply #2 on: February 17, 2007, 09:05:15 PM »
I only respond when I think I've got something to contribute or might have some insight. I can't see the point in responding on a topic where I don't have experience or I know many people will be able to respond better.
Of course if I see an opportunity for a wise crack then I definitely comment, otherwise I don't contribute unless I think I've got something useful to say.

mud

Leah

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Re: Why do people read and not respond???
« Reply #3 on: February 17, 2007, 09:45:31 PM »

Guests reading the threads and posts

far out number the members Users at any given time

which would have a significant impact on the stats.

Leah


Jun 2006 voiceless seeking

April 2008 - "The Gaslight Effect" How to Spot & Survive by Dr. Robin Stern - freedom of understanding!

The Truth About Abuse VIDEO

Stormchild

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Re: Why do people read and not respond???
« Reply #4 on: February 17, 2007, 09:50:36 PM »
I find that the ratio of reads to responses is normally around 10 reads per reply. Anything in that range seems normal to me.

We do have a slew of folks who just read, here. Any active web site will have a lot of folks who drop in regularly to see what's going on but don't participate directly. And there are a lot of members who have zero posts, too. That's the "Cloud of Witnesses" I tend to go on about, and it's one of the things that makes cyberspace unique. More power to them!

For the folks who do post, though, it can seem pretty cold when someone starts a thread about something painful, or something that's difficult for them to discuss, and it sits for hours with no reply. [I've pulled a whole slew of posts because of this, myself. It seems as though the more emotionally charged the issue, and the more I really, really, really want someone to reply, the more likely it is that nobody will. I do think that when people step outside their usual roles, it scares other people away. Unfortunate, but part of human nature, I guess.]

Ages ago I suggested - and a few months back I think I suggested it again - that when someone posts in obvious pain, and people who do routinely post - just can't think of anything to say - then, typing a few parentheses around that person's name - giving them a cyberhug, at least - is a whole lot better than leaving them only an uninterpretable silence. Like in realspace, when we pat someone's shoulder or give them a hug at times when words fail us. That's something we can do even if we're hurting, ourselves, when we read what they've posted... even if it brings back painful memories for us, surely we can at least manage a hug for them?

We'd do that much in realspace, in a heartbeat.
« Last Edit: February 18, 2007, 12:11:25 AM by Stormchild »
The only way out is through, and the only way to win is not to play.

"... truth is all I can stand to live with." -- Moonlight52

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WRITE

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Re: Why do people read and not respond???
« Reply #5 on: February 17, 2007, 10:21:13 PM »
I was on this website for a long time before I posted anything, and then I did it anonymously ( you could with the old sites )
I was just so traumatised.

These days I have very limited computer access so I just log on and respond to one or two things or pms.

I still write my thoughts down even if no one responds with a post, it's useful and cathartic for me and I know from time to time someome will message me and say something was helpful.

Hope everyone is doing okay tonight.

seastorm

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Re: Why do people read and not respond???
« Reply #6 on: February 17, 2007, 10:46:11 PM »
This is so interesting to me.

I agree Stormchild. Really painful disclosures are the popular ones to reply to but need to be attended to quickly and some kind of empathy would be helpful. People are at all different stages of healing and disclosure so there needs to be room for this. And there is most times.
A couple of times I have felt like I was left blowing in the wind and it was very hard to wait and wait.

I recognize everyone who posted here and I am not thinking that they should post more. Some people read the posts and never reply. They are the great unknown.

Sea storm

Stormchild

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Re: Why do people read and not respond???
« Reply #7 on: February 17, 2007, 11:28:24 PM »
((((((((((Seastorm))))))))))

((((((((((big old manx kitty with tufts between his toes))))))))))
The only way out is through, and the only way to win is not to play.

"... truth is all I can stand to live with." -- Moonlight52

http://galewarnings.blogspot.com

http://strangemercy.blogspot.com

http://potemkinsoffice.blogspot.com

Hopalong

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Re: Why do people read and not respond???
« Reply #8 on: February 18, 2007, 12:03:20 AM »
Respectfully, I take another tack.

I feel fine with lurkers and silent readers.
I don't know who they are.

You who post are real friends to me.
I think of you at times during the day just as I do my 2D friends.

But those who only read...I think they have their reasons.

I don't want anyone who just reads here to feel unwelcome.

I'm willing to process a lot of my stuff here in cyberspace because I trust the group process here.

But maybe so many others don't feel that safety, or aren't drawn to being public.

It's okay with me. I don't want anyone to feel obligated.

But I'll provide a ((((((((())))))))) anytime to someone who needs a response, and if nobody's noticed --including me--I invite you please to SAY...hey, I really need a hug.

You'll be swarmed in parentheses, I swear.

love,
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

debkor

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Re: Why do people read and not respond???
« Reply #9 on: February 18, 2007, 12:51:11 AM »
To remain silent I believe is ok. For the people in pain the victims of abuse if they want to read till their eyeballs fall out and never say a word it does not offend or bother me at all.  I hope that the post on here gives them some comfort and know they are not alone even if they never respond.   It’s harder for some then others to be able to express what they feel or not even know what they are feeling and be able to do it in comfort. I know this all to well and have been there done that. I hope they don’t feel guilt for not saying anything and remain coming, reading, learning and searching.   
We all do things at our own time for our own reasons and sometimes it goes unspoken.
They may choose to speak or not but the bottom line is everyone who is here or traveled here is here for a reason. 
There is no pressure here you speak or you don’t but we all share (voicing it or keeping silent and that is the beauty of this board.)


Love Deb.


seastorm

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Re: Why do people read and not respond???
« Reply #10 on: February 18, 2007, 01:03:58 AM »
I think it is ok to read until your eyeballs pop out too. Very good to read.

I was wondering. I was curious and a bit paranoid all of a sudden. No attack intended.
I welcome all newcomers. I was new a short time ago.

Sea S.

Dazed1

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Re: Why do people read and not respond???
« Reply #11 on: February 18, 2007, 02:05:30 AM »
Sometimes I want to post, but don't have enough time to do so.

Sometimes I don't post because I feel that I can't add anything constructive.

I like Storm's idea of cyber hugs.

Izzy: You ain't crazy or selfish. Do what makes you comfortable.

Agree with Hops: non-posters are fine.

I like to think we are all free here and can act as we choose.

dazed

Leah

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Re: Why do people read and not respond???
« Reply #12 on: February 18, 2007, 07:32:07 AM »


I invite the silent people to say why they don't respond. I am really curious.


To all the silent people ........ ((((((((((( you are always welcome here ))))))))))))))
Jun 2006 voiceless seeking

April 2008 - "The Gaslight Effect" How to Spot & Survive by Dr. Robin Stern - freedom of understanding!

The Truth About Abuse VIDEO

Overcomer

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Re: Why do people read and not respond???
« Reply #13 on: February 18, 2007, 08:09:42 AM »
Hey all......I have to tell you that I often times read these posts on my phone.  It is so hard to write on a phone.  So when I get home and have access to a computer, I usually go to what I am obsessing about right now and that is my trauma post...................just trying to process this job situation and it is consuming me....so I apologize for only thinking of myself in this instance.

I also have to admit that some posts interest me and others do not.  I may read and not have anything to say.  Some posts are long excerpts from some psychological journal and I think the purpose of those posts are to be informative.....

My two cents.....
Kelly

"The Best Way Out is Through........and try laughing at yourself"

Leah

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Re: Why do people read and not respond???
« Reply #14 on: February 18, 2007, 08:21:55 AM »

Hi Kell,

Sea storm was inviting the 'silent' ones to respond on this thread.

All who have responded so far, are the ones that do post, you and myself included.

Agree with what you say regarding informative postings - exacting as it says on the label - for reading and digesting
coming back to as and when.

Have a great Sunday ((((Kell)))))

Leah x

Jun 2006 voiceless seeking

April 2008 - "The Gaslight Effect" How to Spot & Survive by Dr. Robin Stern - freedom of understanding!

The Truth About Abuse VIDEO