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Missing puzzle pieces

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surf14:
HI CJ and others;

I'd hazard a guess the 'superficial' element serves a function, i.e. not being in touch with yourself, (and in reflection not being in touch with others either). Getting in touch with yourself would be disasterous if the N was to see how he/she really is.

This is really the crux of it!  The narcissist in usually very bright, I know my mother is but they are terrified of looking within because their ego's are sooo fragile. They really loathe themselves but have built a false-self to defend against that.  Any remote reference to their self-centeredness, cruelty or tendancy to abuse can be met  with extreme rage and denial; even a bland reference to " you hurt my feelings when you said that" can be met with rejection and ostracism.  It is absolutely taboo for them to really look at who they are and how they affect others.  Surf

cj:

--- Quote from: surf14 ---HI CJ and others;

.......even a bland reference to " you hurt my feelings when you said that" can be met with rejection and ostracism.  It is absolutely taboo for them to really look at who they are and how they affect others.  Surf
--- End quote ---


Well from my experience, i could never have said something like that, something so conscise. I mean this is alien to me, that openess and um...sort of ability to have those sort of exchange. Feelings werent 'allowed' to be put on the table for discussion, as if she couldn't be, or didn't allow herself to be critised, or seen as falliable. If they were ususally it came out scattered (in blind rage!), in my confusion, I think, and of course it was back to the old guilt tripping, on her part.
I think intelligence can be 'modified' by a persons attitude, the more people close themselves down, or don't want to learn, the stupider they become, and this of cpurse would be true for N's, and what they don't want to see.

cj:
Sorry if that post seemed about me specifically as usual, just weird the way this feels like its unfolding before my eyes, thats all. Thanks surf.:)

cj:
Actually what i meant to say was something like 'you hurt my feelings' would have been considered anything but a bland statement, in my experience (sorry, accusation rather  :wink: )!

clj_writes aka Christy:
"They really loathe themselves but have built a false-self to defend against that. Any remote reference to their self-centeredness, cruelty or tendancy to abuse can be met with extreme rage and denial".

Oh my goodness, yes!  Any remote reference...what a truism that is!  My mother immediately goes into hurt, offended, "I had a painful childhood" pitiful mode.  Then I'm awash in the guilt yet again.  I spent most of my life avoiding the land-mine of "remote references"!

BTW, please pardon my difficulty listening at the moment.  I have almost a roaring in my ears from telling these truths so openly and it is making it difficult to "hear" much else.

Thanks for the insights!
Christy

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