Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Missing puzzle pieces
cj:
So why do they cry? They are crying for themselves? Or acting?
clj_writes:
My mother did not emote. Nor did my father or brother. I think my mother cried about once a decade (no exaggeration).
Maybe for some people crying is staging how they *think* they are supposed to react in a given situation? A socially acceptable response of some sort?
Just guessing....
cj:
Geez I really need to register, would cut down on the post count a little.......
Common statements made by my mother.
'Its all my fault, I cant do anything right!' (in regard to my illness when brought up/discussed.)
'I'm wrong as usual!'
Crying and not letting ME ( god dont i feel stupid!)) console her after an argument. Drawing away, avoiding looking at me when im talking to her unless she wants to.
(in response to me saying im angry at the way she brought me up, later retracted through guilt of course!).....
'I know we didnt have much, but i did my best!' (making it about money/possessions, like I give a **** about what I did have matrialistically!)
surf14:
HiCJ and others,
In any minimally healthy relationship you need to be able to say, "that hurt my feelings". This is how one makes another more sensitive and how relationships are crafted to work. But yes, with an N, this would be considered CONFRONTATIONAL, which is ridiculous of course and leaves no room for negotiation or boundary setting. If you are not allowed to set boundaries how can you compromise or feel safe? It takes you to the no-man's land of relationship with an N: utterly frustrating, painful and totally self-subjugating. You become completely involved in a double-bind and that's pretty crazy-making. UUUGGGGHHH. Surf :x
clj_writes:
CJ--it is weird enough our initials are the same but our lives have a lot of parallels too!
'I'm wrong as usual!"
Oh, have I heard that one a million times. Sighs and pitiful sounds would accompany it, too.
Both my parents have low self-esteem, are workaholics, and are extremely bright and accomplished. They always told me how great I was but how was I supposed to believe them when they obviously thought they themselves had little value?? How could I trust *those* people? Plus anything "unacceptable" was ignored (hoping it would go away?).
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