Suicidal

[seastorm]

Dear Jac

Please stay on the board. You are in terrible pain right now. My heart goes out to you. Nothing else matters except your beautiful spirit right now.
No wonder the pain is overwhelming. You have been through things that no child should have to go through. You were the lamb of Jesus and you still are. Give your burder to God. It is too much for you to carry alone.
Please give your burden to me and the others who want to hear from you.
There are lots of silly things said but when the chips are down we smarten up and care.
The shame and humiliation of being abused should not be YOURS to carry. Give it back to the offenders. It is not your fault. Any of it. The adults were your trusted guardians and what a disasterous job they did of protecting you. Instead they were guilty of the soul murder of a child and this followed you into adulthood. Your chidlren need you just like you needed your parents. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporarty problem

You sound like the pain you are feeling now is unbearable. Go to the hospital and get medication. You should not be alone right now and you need support for how you really feel inside.
I am up and awake and will be standing by to talk with you and support you in any way that you need.

Dear one, you are precious and irreplaceable.  You are not unloveable at all. If it felt like no one was listening, then I am sorry. That is a horrible feeling. Please feel the love and healing that is directed to you.

The power of God is in you and the grace of God surrounds you.

Love
Sea storm

[gratitude28]

I am still here Jac.

Sela is so right. Do you want the people who hurt you to win??? Do you want them to take what is left that they didn't ruin?

Join the club on imperfect people. There is no one who is perfect (or even nearing it).

And you won't punish anyone jac. You are hurting yourself and NO ONE wants to see you hurt.

Hang in there girl and call someone. I have made the help line call and it wasn't fun but I sure would do it again (and again if necessary).

Love, Beth

[seastorm]

I read your post again.  
In your family you are the only one who wants to talk about the abuse. This can create a very difficult role for you in the family. Really deadly. You can become the scapegoat.  The scapegoat in the family is very often the one who tells the truth about what really went on. They are not thanked for shedding light on the dark areas in the family. Instead, they are loathed for it.  You seek to be heard in your family and have been told to shut up and quit trying to spoil things.

I have heard many survivors of childhood sexual abuse say the same things. This is so wounding to them. It never seems to end.
It is so important to tell your story to someone who understands about raped and sexual abuse and violent mothers. The regular population can't seem to bear to hear it. It overwhelms them completely.  This makes these people very unsafe of surviviors because the last thing a person who has been sexuallly abuse needs it some invaldating, minimizing person who is trying to shut them up. When the memories start to come seek to tell your story to those who CAN listen.
I want to hear your story. I swear that I do. I have heard the stories of women who felt they would die from the pain of their memories. They survived and were able to go on and get to contentment in their lives.

I am talking a lot. I would rather listen. There is nothing that would make me not like you. If I have hurt you, I apologize with my all my heart.

Please, please know that you are loved.

Sea storm

[debkor]

Jac,

Still here too.

I'm sorry if I hurt you by not listening like you really needed.  

Love Deb

[vunil]

{{{Jac}}}  I have been away from these boards for a really long time and don't know what is going on here, or with you, but I wanted to send my love and a hug.  I would be glad to get to know you better-- please post and let us know you are here?

[Hopalong]

Hi jac,
I fell asleep but just woke up again, Jac, thinking of you...

You better come on and please please tell us you're hanging in, you've gotten some help, some ears in real life too....

Jac, it's just a couple hours until sunup...

Sunup...

Love you Jac. I really do.

Hops

[reallyME]

brokenhearted (Jac)

I hear your pain and I want to let you know that it's ok to go for help.  I had to do that twice in my life, after being in very traumatic relationships with people.  It's ok to reach out and cry out.  We are ALL hearing you and we all CARE.  Forgive me if I was caught up in the situation online or in my own personal life here, to notice your pain.  That isn't like me at all.

If Deb is going to wrap you in a blanket, give you coffee, etc, then once you are resting, I will sing to you.  I've been told that there is an anointing of peace on my voice.  I'd sing to you till you felt the warm love of God upon you.

Please stay with us, hang in on life girl.  We care.  We truly do!  There is nothing that we can't all get through...TOGETHER.

hand in hand,
Laura

[Hopalong]

Leah,

I don't get angry very often but would you please BACK OFF.

If you have anything more to post in defense of your posts or criticizing others', of course you can do so but would you please have the decency to not do it on this thread?

Thanks very much.

Hops

[Leah]

Hops,

This situation would never have reached this stage - all due to the enabling, and lack of wisdom and insight, in the first instance. 

My posts were and have been supportive - which is true, whether you like me or not.

I felt a little bit downhearted and received no support at all - but that's by the by.

However, back to my reason for posting, my heart felt feeling is that by my posting "Hearts Cry" regarding Bean's situation, may have

planted an "idea" with Jac.

My real life experience is that I actually happened to come to the rescue of someone in a real life suicide attempt.

Presently, I feel physically sick.

That's real life.

I have emailed Dr Grossman as I believe you have done also.

This isn't about just about cyber, it's real, and Jac needed wise counsel, insight and support here, not enablement, and certainly not

the "bat and ball games" which has been ongoing for what is it --- 3 years now ??

That's real life Hops.

Leah xxxx

Yesterday, Jac posted via mobile phone, and therefore, Dr Grossman hopefully, will be able to contact her in real life.

[Dr. Richard Grossman]

Hi Jac,

Many people here (including me) care about you.  I hope you will get the help you need (therapist, ER, hotline) to get through this crisis period.

Best wishes,

Richard

[debkor]

Jac,


Still waiting for you.  Please come on.

Love Deb

[Notalone]

Sometimes our own words fail us.



Tough, you think you’ve got the stuff
You’re telling me and anyone
You’re hard enough

You don’t have to put up a fight
You don’t have to always be right
Let me take some of the punches
For you tonight

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don’t have to go it alone

And it’s you when I look in the mirror
And it’s you when I don’t pick up the phone
Sometimes you can’t make it on your own

We fight all the time
You and I… that’s alright
We’re the same soul
I don’t need… I don’t need to hear you say
That if we weren’t so alike
You’d like me a whole lot more

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don’t have to go it alone

And it’s you when I look in the mirror
And it’s you when I don’t pick up the phone
Sometimes you can’t make it on your own

I know that we don’t talk
I’m sick of it all
Can - you - hear - me – when – I -
Sing, you’re the reason I sing
You’re the reason why the opera is in me…

Where are we now?
I’ve got to let you know
A house still doesn’t make a home
Don’t leave me here alone...

And it’s you when I look in the mirror
And it’s you that makes it hard to let go
Sometimes you can’t make it on your own
Sometimes you can’t make it
The best you can do is to fake it
Sometimes you can’t make it on your own

Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own, U2

[Bones]

Jac,

Don't let the bastard abusers win!  I've been through similar abuse and I REFUSE to give those !@#$ that kind of pleasure!  Don't give in to them!!!!!!

Bones

[oc]

jac:  I have always appreciated your posts and I have to say that I am ignoring the defensive posts that some people do in the midst of your frustration and anguish!  This is about you and people ganging up on you.  I dont know about you but i cannot deal with the people who feel the need to put their two cents worth!  Love to YOU!

[DreamSinger]

Dear Jac,

I pop in every now and then, and although I'm not a regular poster, I am, without a doubt, a sister who understands, at least in part, what you are feeling. I'm sorry for the pain you are feeling. I'm sorry for the feeling that you are not being heard. Please, pause a moment in this pain that is sweeping over you to listen to the sound of your own heart beating. It is gently calling your name, through the tears, through the pain, through the hopelessness.

Hear your own voice. It speaks for life...not just survival, but life, full and rich, and everything you so deserve.

Here is a song. It sang for me. Please let it sing for you now.

Peace
Demian,
  ~DreamSinger

Future Song
copyright DreamSinger

Broadband   Dial Up

The future's creating the present
Against the backdrop of the past
And every dream will call me
Until I answer them at last
My future makes the sun rise
No more a slave of time
I'm not defined by yesterday
It's what I'll be that shapes my life

It doesn't matter who hurt you
Or whether guilt still haunts your heart
For when you walk with compassion
Your soul will heal its scars
You know it's not enough
To no longer fall
You got a right to fly
You can soar on Spirit's call

So tell yourself the truth
Of where you've really been
No matter how dark your secret
Let the healing work begin
You can feel the pain inside you
Name your rage and set it free
Then turn to face tomorrow
And decide what you will be

Because the future's creating the present
Against the backdrop of the past"
And every dream will call you
Until you answer them at last
Your future makes the sun rise
No more a slave of time
You're not defined by yesterday
It's what you're becoming that shapes your life