Oh my gosh, I feel so much better, so supported and LISTENED TO !!!
Thank you all for your insight and input.
I have a much brighter view of the future now.
I guess I need to get over the dispair that my mother will just never be the ideal, no matter how much I want her to. This is something my therapist mentioned ages ago - knowing isn't everything - but it's a very good start.
My sadness about the breakup has turned into relief with just the occasional twinge of regret. Reason has returned.
Something that I find is interesting - I led a fairly balanced life - I was selfish in the way that I think children of Ns learn they "have" to be if they're going to get anything they want, but I think I was coping really well, all things considered. As my relationship developed every N aspect in me was magnified - I guess I was reliving alot of the garbage I went through with my mother. None of my previous relationships had been with Ns, just with incredibly kind, caring men. This guy kind of bowled me over and even though I knew from they day I met him that we shouldn't date, I dove in anyway.
I think this happened mostly because I needed my mother's narcissism to be made more clear to me so I could grow. I don't think I would have read "Trapped in the Mirror" if he hadn't been making me so nuts.
So again, growth comes out of tremendous pain.
