Please, help me here. I will not be able to sleep. Your insight, please.

[Lupita]

Friends, nice people, please, give me your thoughts about this. I know I am right but I do not know how my boss is looking at it. The academic grades are untouchable. I respect that. But we also give behavior grades. The students that are extremely disrespectful, I gave them and F in behavior. Four of my students. Because they are failing the standards of behavior. They are very disrespectful. My boss told me I should be more compassionate. I told him that I would do anything he told me to do. He then told me, are you ready to deal with those parents? Then I told him I would do anything you tell me to. Then he said I am not going to tell you what to do. You are a grown woman and have been teaching for six years.
Deep in my heart I really believe that they deserved an F.  I know of two that will not complain. I know of one that will not complain. That makes three. There is one that his father is a coach at the school. He is very dishonest, lies constantly, and refuses to do my work. Still his academic work is not that bad. C. But I gave him and F in behavior.
Please, tell me if I did the right thing. I am shaking in my shoes. I need my job. I had the opportunity to change the grades but I thought I had to leave them. I thought I had to. If I changed them I would not feel well, if I did not. which I did not, I am shaking in my shoes.
OK, please, tell me what you think.
Love,
Lupita

[Lupita]

On top, that was not all, I had one that complained that she deserved a 100, she got an A, 90. But she said that she was going to talk to my boss. 15 years old. She is telling me that I do not have any power. That is the mesage tht I hear when a student is telling me that hse is going to talk to my boss. I called her mother and the mom came to school and explained the situation, explain what the child was missing and why she did not get a 100. The mother was content with the A 90, and told me that she would take care of it. Still I feel betrayed, because I trusted a student and for some reason my student turned her back at me. So, I do not know what I did. I am very sad and disappointed.
Somebody tell me something.

[Lupita]

I do not want to stop teaching unless I get a job in research, which i dont know how to get. But I wish I could conquer the teaching, and be a successful teacher. I thought I was a successful teacher since I have so many children and have problems only with a few. But those few take all my attention and make my day very difficult. I dont know what to do. I wanted so much to feel well. it is becoeming impossible. I need peace. need to talk to somebody.

[Lupita]

Are my superiors so blind that they do not see that I do a god job? I am a good teacher. Why do I feel so lonely? I talked to the team leader. She said that they deserved a bad grade. I have to deal with the complains tomorrow. Somebody help me. Why did I leave those grades? I wanted to send a mesage. Hope that the one that receives a mesage is not going to be me. Please, pray for me.

[Overcomer]

Maybe give them a D-?  Sometimes doing the right thing can come back to haunt you.

[debkor]

Lupita,

I think you are a very good teacher.  You have agonized over this handfull of troubled students. You have worried and beat up yourself trying to figure out a way to get through to them. They did not meet you half way.  They did nothing but try to  humiliate, disrespect and degrade you.  Your boss wants you to be compassionate?  Is he kidding me? They will get rewarded for bad behavior?
Your boss should be standing beside you on this. If the parents come then so be it.  I would not feel betrayed by the students. They are only acting the way they are allowed by their parents. I would be raising an eyebrow at the parents.
Stand your ground Lupita. If I had kids like the ones you teach you would be giving him a B for straight to BOOT CAMP.
They need a reality check and you just gave it to them.
You can handle the parents Lupita I know you can.  You know what is right.

Lupita
Are you afraid you will lose your job if you don't give them a higher grade for behavior?

Love Deb

[dandylife]

Lupita,
You have the evidence to back up your grades. You have stuck to it. Keep your certainty and you will be fine. You are a caring and fine soul. Your students will grow from this experience as well. They know as well as you do what grade they deserve. You are only showing a true and fair evaluation of the behavior you have had to endure and observe as well.
Dandylife

[Gaining Strength]

Lupita - Reading between the lines it seems that these students deserve an F in behavior.  I suspect your boss was trying to tell you in veiled words what OC has said.  They deserved an F but you deserve to be protected from what giving them an F may bring.  But I suspect that because of the abuse you have suffered this became an issue about power.  I suspect that because of some of your words, because of my experience and because of what I know about what happens to us when we have been abused early on in our lives.  You feel that these disrespectful children are sapping and challenging your power. 

They can only sap your power if you let them.  Don't let them get you.  Use ;your power to focus on the wonderful kids.  I know it is easy to say and very difficult to do.  But I think you can learn to focus your power anywhere else but on them.  You are more powerful than they regardless of how rude they are.  You will win this because you are powerful.  - I'm right here cheering you on Lupita.  You've got a BIG cheering squad and you will win. = your friend - GS

[teartracks]

Lupita,

There's almost no chance those students who are getting the 'F's' for conduct are losing  sleep over their bad behavior.  I think you should give them the grade they deserve and stop worrying and sleep like a log. 

teartracks

[Hopalong]

YOU DID THE RIGHT THING LUPITA!

Just remember the deep slow breathing, holding your chin up and your shoulders back.
If you speak to a complaining parent do it with calmmmmmmmmmm.
Confidence.

You ARE the authority in the classroom and you have done those kids a favor by grading them honesty.

If you're shaking in your shoes, go right ahead and shake.
BUT SPEAK THE TRUTH ANYWAY.

You can do this. You ARE doing it!
I am so impressed.

hugs,
Hops

[Lupita]

Dear nice friends, nice human beings, it is so nice to have this board. This is not the first time I get nice words and encouragement here. It is very comforting that I can come here and find support. Thank you for your kind words.
It is very difficult to teach high school. Teenagers are very difficult to deal with. Of course there is a majority of students that are very nice and hard workers. But those few that offer so much defiance of authority, consume so much energy, and cause so much stress to the class and to the teacher.
I hope that I can answer to any question they ask in a wise way. Those parents are known for constantly blaming the teacher for the behavior of their children. They do not understand that the student has passed much more time with their parents and family than they spend with the teacher, and that most likely, the behavior they show has been learned at home.
There is no positive reinforcement for teachers. Guess, there is no positive reinforcement for any job. If they keep you, that is your positive reinforcement.
I trust in God that I am doing the right thing. I will know in the next few days if I have any repercussions for trying to educate my students.
Please, pray for me.
If you have any words that I can use in a parent conference, any sentence that can impact the parents, please, tell me. Thank you for your help, and for taking the time to write and to advise.
So, any ideas, any nice vocabulary for a parent conference that I know is going to be upset, and not taking responsibility. I need to use nice words that convey the true with out offending the parent. I need to make them understand that I dislike the behavior but I love the children. I am willing to help. But I cannot spend all my class convincing them that they have to do the work. We can have more profit of our time together if the students do not offer so much resistance.
Thank you friends. God bless you. I usually go to bet at 9:00 PM but cant sleep.
Love,
Lupita

[insomniac]

I think you said the words you need in your last post.  There is no point in giving grades for behavior if they're not honest grades based on the truth.  Better they get an F now in school and learn to improve their behavior, or get an F in life later on (so to speak) and not be able to keep a job, have good relationships, etc.

[Hopalong]

"X is a very bright young man/woman.
S/he has so much potential, and I truly don't want to see him/her lose the chance to do all s/he can with her life because s/he has not learned to treat other people with respect.

I have given him/her this grade in behavior because I want him/her to understand that attitude has consequences, and because I believe that this may be a wakeup call that will help him/her avoid problems in the future. Whether in college or in the working world.

S/he may not believe it right now, but I really do want the best for ____. I hope you can help him/her try to understand that. Thank you very much for coming to talk to me."

That help?

Sleep well, Lupita, with a clear conscience.

Hops

[gratitude28]

Hi Lupita,
I tried to write back this morning, but my computer was having connectivity issues.
I think there are so many things going on here...
The first one I will mention is that I think you are approaching the system as if you were in your home country.The administration does next to nothing to help you out here and will not give you advice, because then it is on your head if you mess up. In America, you are in charge of making the decision... and defending yourself. That is why I had a tough time teaching. My skin isn't thick enough for the criticism and I abhor grovelling to parents who let their kids run wild. The fact is, the parents of the kids who misbehave are going to be your worst parents. So you can decide to do the right thing for you - give the kids the F, and then hold your head up and explain why (I also keep lots of documentation now... you have to). Or you can take the easy way out, give them a fairly bad grade and go on. There is no right answer... just what is right for YOU.
Take care Lupita. Write back and tell us how you are.
Love, Beth

[gratitude28]

Hi Lupita,
I tried to write back this morning, but my computer was having connectivity issues.
I think there are so many things going on here...
The first one I will mention is that I think you are approaching the system as if you were in your home country.The administration does next to nothing to help you out here and will not give you advice, because then it is on your head if you mess up. In America, you are in charge of making the decision... and defending yourself. That is why I had a tough time teaching.
My skin isn't thick enough for the criticism and I abhor grovelling to parents who let their kids run wild. The fact is, the parents of the kids who misbehave are going to be your worst parents. So you can decide to do the right thing for you - give the kids the F, and then hold your head up and explain why (I also keep lots of documentation now... you have to). Or you can take the easy way out, give them a fairly bad grade and go on. There is no right answer... just what is right for YOU.
Take care Lupita. Write back and tell us how you are.
Love, Beth