Spy,
I enjoy the way you express your feelings, because I like to post in this group, but something has to really interest me for me to contribute...your posts help give me things to want to comment on lately. Thank you.
you said:
I so easily blame myself for stuff and it's a horrible thing to think that people may get off on that...
I have met a lot of people who feel this way. Sometimes I have to really keep myself "in check" on things, and guard myself from belittling people. Your post helped me realize that I'm not narcissistic in this sense. I don't get off on seeing people blame themselves...in fact, it really upsets me when I see the damage in a grown adult's life, that usually their upbringing had to do with.
There are some people I know very personally, who, their first reaction to anything is to react defensively to protect themselves or else to self-blame. My first reaction is NOT to get off on that, but usually I have to keep myself from rolling my eyes and saying "oh brother, come ON...you KNOW I wasn't blaming you for THAT." Lately, though, I've begun realizing WHY people self-blame or defend, and my heart breaks for them.
I will tell you this. Anyone who belittles you, rolls their eyes at your pain, or gets off on you hurting, is doing it because they are UNABLE TO FEEL YOUR FEELINGS or, in more complicated verbage, TO EMPATHIZE with you. I am usually very empathic, but when I meet adults who are stuck in childlike states of mind, I've had to learn to FEEL with them FIRST, then respond with kindness and understanding, rather than feel the "oh brother, come off it, grow up" type of feelings that I sometimes battle.
Remember that the Narcissistic person, learned to practice NOT feeling remorse, guilt, sadness over people's pain...and over the years of practicing that, PRACTICE MADE PERFECT at it.
It's not YOU, it's THEM.
~Laura