Hi Spy
Ok, first of all, at the risk of not sounding or seeming a bit N'istic myself, what's to "figure out" here? These people have all the classic signs of N'ism.
When my partner died... Her and her husband were great. They came to collect me and took me back to their house for the night. My friend L came with me to registars etc and they were with me for the funeral...
Typically, narcissistic people start out with you by gift-giving, being wondrously kind, flattering you left and right, so they can dupe you into letting them "dig their hooks in"
A few months later we L and her husband and all kids decided we would go away for a break... I found out that they had booked with out me..
this would be what we call RED FLAG #1
Both her and her husband always laugh hysterically at my driving and ridicule it
wondering how soon after all the gift-giving, niceness, THIS started up. It usually seems to take them about 6, 9 mos to a couple years, to begin dropping their facade and mask. Devaluing is all part of the Narcissistic Cycle.
When I arrived at their house there was no one there. I ranng and they were both at L's mum's I drove over there and ended up driving them both back so they could leave their cars at her mum's house where they were safe. L's mum offered for me to leave my car there but L's husband said no we didn't have time to call a taxi.
And NOW the PUNISHING of you begins from the N people. Sighs
In Spain we hired a car between the three of us.. I asked if husband could give me a lift to my mum's.. He said no.. In fact he ened up giving me a lift nowhere.. I got the bus there and back and not a word was said about it..
they LOVE to watch ya squirm and feel DESERTED. I believe it's their way of turning you into who they were as a child, so they can "play parent" and do the punishing and feel the power.
L asked me to take day off and come with her to a meeting as she had taken a lot of sick time from work and was being called in.. I did.. A few weeks later I asked her to do the same as I had a hospital appointment.. She simply said No I have to work..
Yep, of course...you are supposed to be at their back and call, but when you need something, forget it...they are too busy, sick, injured, upset, etc. That's the name of the game...ONE-SIDED
My daughter as you all know is expecting a baby. I am so very excited about it. I mentioned it in Spain and L's husband said... "I hate babies" He ridiculed people who liked them...
Narcissistic people will do ANYTHING to destroy what makes you happy, since they are so miserable deep down inside...and, oh, ENVIOUS of you too.
I rang L yesterday to see how she got on with her job interview.. She said they had had a party at the weekend. When I asked who had been invited she said everyone.. The usual crowd.. They had not invited me... I said nothing..
Yep, they LOVE to cause you to feel EXCLUDED from things, while they act like having not invited you, was the most reasonable and logical thing in the world...and you are supposed to just take it in stride! UGH...Like, "well I don't see what you are so upset about...can't you just be happy for others or for me?" SICK THINKING HERE!
They did cook me tea every week on a Thursday for a while after ex N left, but have only been to my house twice in the past year...
Learn to TREASURE those moments...when they DON'T come over to see ya.
When they come to my place, If they bring their dog, my dog has to be locked out.. My dog is a big playful softie, and the two dogs love to play but theirs is not alowed in case my dog hurts her!!!!!!
Oh brother! of course, their PRECIOUS dog might have his fur tarnished a bit! Gimmee a break! Send them back to SPAIN, and "their little dog, Toto too!"
I am very confused though I could go on and on but for fear of boring the pants off everyone I will stop..
Please give me a clue..
You didn't bore me a bit, Spy, but you are less clueless about this than you think, by virtue of the fact that you brought it to us to help you with. Follow what you are hearing inside. In the words of the TELETUBBIES, "Run away! Run away!"
~Laura