Hi everybody:
Warning you up front that this may be a little intense. It's a pretty big "dump."
I went to the emergency room two weeks ago with severe chest pain--the kind where you hope you'll pass out so you won't have to feel this way any more. Inconclusive results, even though they went all the way to an angiogram (which I would NOT recommend). Afterwards, my blood pressure zoomed up to stroke level and wouldn't budge, so I ended up staying for about 36 hours until they stabilized me. I am now on an elephant's dosage of blood pressure medication. They've done a bunch of tests but found nothing.
Well, except for the lump in my breast. They found that during a CT scan, when they were looking for a blood clot in my lungs.
So now it's another round of diagnostics for that. I realize that it's probably nothing. I have a pretty extensive family history of this sort of thing.
A milder version of the chest pain comes and goes. My legs hurt so much I can barely walk (circulatory problems diagnosed last summer). I've hit some sort of all-time low at my job. My boss is extremely angry over the amount of leave I've had to take; the fact that my absence has its roots in serious (or potentially serious, anyway) medical issues seems to escape him. Truthfully, I guess it doesn't matter much, since most of the time, nobody notices whether I'm at work anyway. Really, whole days go by without me talking to a soul.
On the whole, I'm swirling, and that drain sure looks inviting these days. I'm desperate to make some changes in my life, but even feeling decent seems like The Impossible Dream.
Like I say, folks, sorry for the dump. I'm just really, really low, and a little scared, and way out of energy.
Thanks for the safe place to let it out.
Daylily
