Author Topic: falling apart  (Read 2805 times)

daylily guest

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falling apart
« on: March 28, 2007, 03:29:01 PM »
Hi everybody:

Warning you up front that this may be a little intense.  It's a pretty big "dump."

I went to the emergency room two weeks ago with severe chest pain--the kind where you hope you'll pass out so you won't have to feel this way any more.  Inconclusive results, even though they went all the way to an angiogram (which I would NOT recommend).  Afterwards, my blood pressure zoomed up to stroke level and wouldn't budge, so I ended up staying for about 36 hours until they stabilized me.  I am now on an elephant's dosage of blood pressure medication.  They've done a bunch of tests but found nothing.

Well, except for the lump in my breast.  They found that during a CT scan, when they were looking for a blood clot in my lungs.

So now it's another round of diagnostics for that.  I realize that it's probably nothing.  I have a pretty extensive family history of this sort of thing.

A milder version of the chest pain comes and goes.  My legs hurt so much I can barely walk (circulatory problems diagnosed last summer).  I've hit some sort of all-time low at my job.  My boss is extremely angry over the amount of leave I've had to take; the fact that my absence has its roots in serious (or potentially serious, anyway) medical issues seems to escape him.  Truthfully, I guess it doesn't matter much, since most of the time, nobody notices whether I'm at work anyway.  Really, whole days go by without me talking to a soul.

On the whole, I'm swirling, and that drain sure looks inviting these days.  I'm desperate to make some changes in my life, but even feeling decent seems like The Impossible Dream.

Like I say, folks, sorry for the dump.  I'm just really, really low, and a little scared, and way out of energy.

Thanks for the safe place to let it out.

Daylily


moonlight52

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Re: falling apart
« Reply #1 on: March 28, 2007, 03:46:47 PM »
 (((((((((((((((((((((((((daylilly)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

What an ordeal I am so glad to hear your blood pressure is ok now.It is good that it is under control....
Let us know about your tests.As for your boss he sounds like a jerk......

Letting go of feelings here is safe and calming.I hope your doctor is one you trust and like.
Nothing is impossible so I am sending energy and love to you.
and hoping the fears dissappear....

Blessings to you Daylily

moonlight


Hopalong

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Re: falling apart
« Reply #2 on: March 28, 2007, 05:56:26 PM »
Me too, Daylily....much comfort and love.
This is a very hard time for you, I'm so sorry.

I hope you get excellent care, and please care for you.
(This is not the time to worry about the peeved feelings of an uncaring boss.
He's not the abandoning parent...he's just a jerk boss.)

Please keep posting.

love,
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

teartracks

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Re: falling apart
« Reply #3 on: March 28, 2007, 10:00:28 PM »



Dear daylily,

Your wisdom and sense of right actions for the hard times have been like ballasts along the way for me.   With everything in me, I'm sending you good wishes and prayers.   

teartracks
 

daylily guest

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Re: falling apart
« Reply #4 on: March 29, 2007, 11:37:06 AM »
Dear moonlight, CB123, hopalong, and teartracks:

Thanks, guys, for the words of support.  I appreciate them greatly.

daylily

oc

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Re: falling apart
« Reply #5 on: March 29, 2007, 01:58:14 PM »
day:  I am with you.  Lets just lay around together and have a good cry.  Sometimes life throws you for a loop doesnt it?  Praying for you.

Leah

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Re: falling apart
« Reply #6 on: March 29, 2007, 04:35:25 PM »


(((((( daylily ))))))
Jun 2006 voiceless seeking

April 2008 - "The Gaslight Effect" How to Spot & Survive by Dr. Robin Stern - freedom of understanding!

The Truth About Abuse VIDEO

Overcomer

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Re: falling apart
« Reply #7 on: March 29, 2007, 04:37:40 PM »
I have a computer not a phone!!!  Day, when it rains it pours.  From the mouth of one of my favorite people, Rosanna Rosanna Dana, "It's always something, if it's not one thing it's another!!"  If our health isn't affected, our relationships are.   (((((((((((daylilly))))))))))))

It's ok to unload......I'm gonna unload, too, on my CRAZY thread!
Kelly

"The Best Way Out is Through........and try laughing at yourself"

gratitude28

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Re: falling apart
« Reply #8 on: March 29, 2007, 10:18:25 PM »
((((((((daylily)))))))))))

I swear these horrible things seem to slam you all at once. I had one year in which I had my thyroid go absolutely crazy... had it taken out, busted my knee - couldn't walk for months until they fixed it and had my back so bad I was entirely bedridden for a month and a half and had to have surgery. I was so tired of it all I wasn't sure if I could go on...

I thank God I did, because as bad as that year was, it is over and I have memories, but they are getting smaller. It was horrid, truly.

I'll pray that your breasts are just getting a bit lumpy :) and there is nothing bad there. And work is no concern until you are healthy. Your boss is an uncaring jerk if he is being that way.

I think you might need to just kick it into survival mode until you hit a break. Do whatever you can to help yourself get through this. Overindulge in something you love. Keep writing and look back at the notes as you pass some of the obstacles.

(((((((((((((((daylily)))))))))))0 such a beautiful name. I always feel happy seeing it.

Love, Beth

"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable." Douglas Adams

WRITE

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Re: falling apart
« Reply #9 on: March 29, 2007, 11:02:05 PM »
Hi Daylilly

good to see you back, even though you're having a rough time and I'm sorry for that.

It's not a dump to tell your friends you're havign problems and ask for support though.

You've helped and encouraged loads of us here and this is somewhere you can bring your current anxieties and be supported right back.

It's a lot to come to terms with long-term illness, and if your boss isn't being appropriately kind that's another worry.

I hope you post as much as you feel you need to and have a place to vent and share.

Love to you

~W

Sela

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Re: falling apart
« Reply #10 on: March 30, 2007, 10:44:04 AM »
Dear Daylily:

Sending you much good energy, plenty of sunshine and a wack of courage!!  So sorry for all you're experiencing and just want to remind you that this too shall pass.

Hoping you will focus on getting well, taking care of yourself, healing, getting strong and poo on your boss or anyone else who doesn't like it!!

((((((((((((Daylily))))))))))

Sela

Gaining Strength

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Re: falling apart
« Reply #11 on: March 31, 2007, 07:49:42 PM »
Daylily - so glad you dumped - hope it can help.  Hope you have a big CRACK in this stuff and suddenly the light bursts in and your health is restored and your boss is replaced with an encourager.  That's what I hope. So glad you dumped.  This is a very good place to do that. - GS

James

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Re: falling apart
« Reply #12 on: March 31, 2007, 09:21:32 PM »
Hey daylily, forget about your boss hes f**ing waste of space and If I was there id twat him the nose the uncaring git. To be honest
you are well on the right track as you know you need to make changes in your life because you are unhappy, and coming on here will definately help you begin to sort out your hurt. Everyone on here is great and you will find great empowerment from their words (and hopefully mine too  :D ) , we have all suffered and are all trying to sort out our lives and minds and you will not be alone in your time of need. My thoughts are with you always.
James

Hopalong

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Re: falling apart
« Reply #13 on: March 31, 2007, 10:24:47 PM »
Ditto to everything sweet James said.

Hope it's a bit better ((((((((((((((((((Daylily)))))))))))))))))))))

Update us when you can, and meanwhile, sending strength and calm to you,
and love,

Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

debkor

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Re: falling apart
« Reply #14 on: March 31, 2007, 10:59:15 PM »
((((James))))

Our online body guard!!  Our protector,,

Your very sweet James, You deserve thee best!!


And yes Ditto what James and Hops said.

Love
Deb