How Does One Go About Finding The Right Social Fit?

[isittoolate]

ok TT and Leah

What are you talking about that was about Christians?

What did I say that led you there?

I feel 'stupid'!

--then I see you post about clever, and analyzing along lines.............

What did I do?

See why I failed life?
Izzy

[teartracks]

Hi Iz,

I still like to think that a gathering of people would have at least one thing in common.

Iz,

One thing in common?  I'm going to think about this and when I figure it out, I'll let you know.  The answer will be new news to me too.

Hi Iz,

I have one.  Don't like it.   

Superficial Christians...  for heaven's sake!

Maybe that's why I woke up in the wee hours speaking to myself that Bible directive.  Interesting.

tt

PS  I know there are more but I don't know if they are worth searching out.


--then I see you post about clever, and analyzing along lines.............

I would never have thought to analyze the group at the dinner party along the lines you suggested of having at least one thing in common.

Don't know exactly wht leah was saying.  Say it another way leah, OK?

teartracks

PS  Iz, you're gonna have a hard time convincing me that you failed life!

[Hopalong]

Hey Iz,
I got totally lost too.

No worries...

Hops

[isittoolate]

PS  Iz, you're gonna have a hard time convincing me that you failed life!
TT

Well TT, I love the fact we are in the same age group, cause anyone in their early 40s is another generation. Did you ever live with no electricity, no phone, a two-holer outhouse, complete with Sears catalogue, and a battery radio?

Them were the days--the days of anal parents and lies! Then in '47, I was 8 and we moved to another farm with all the amenities.
I was afraid of the telephone and hydro (all the switches and outlets)

I think I was the super-sensitive kid of the bunch who took everything to heart, and too seriously, and believed that I still knew nothing.

I had to ask you to explain something that I took for granted and "having at least one thing in common" seems so simple, but then I seem to have a different point of view although not dangerous............I hope!

Hey Hops

I was writing as you posted. You were lost too? Well I feel better except that would mean you failed life too!!         

OMG Why wasn't life easy??????????????????????????????????


love
Iz

[Leah]

~  ditto  ~    Izzy and TT

Superficial and Shallow anyone.

My message to them is this PLEASE have the courage to "Let your Yes be Yes" and "your No be No"

I thank you 

Leah

Hi Izzy and Hops

By way of explanation, mine was anyone who may be superficial or shallow, just a generalism.

I don't perceive any of us to have 'failed in life' - look at us, here we are, working hard, making sense and moving forward.

No failures here my dears 

I need to go on a retreat, like Hops did.

And I can snore too !! 

Leah xx

[mudpuppy]

How Does One Go About Finding The Right Social Fit?

Seems a pretty simple question to me. Perhaps it isn't and I'm just a simpleton.

If when you are being yourself you are comfortable and enjoying yourself, you have found your fit.
If when you are being yourself you are not comfortable or you have to alter yourself to feel as though you fit then you have not.

Some people are most comfortable being the center of attention, others may be most comfortable at home alone with a good book. In either case that is the social milieu that fits their personality.

Just beware the chameleons who change their personalities from one group to another to fit in. They are lacking something elemental and can rarely be trusted, in my experience.

mud

[Hopalong]

I sometimes feel insecure because so many of the women in my church my age do not work and have lots of money. I sometimes feel and do awkward things because it's like talking about your money issues is part of being real...but it's also a taboo.

I feel rejected if I bring it up so I seldom do.

Hops

[teartracks]

OK, Iz and Hops,

Did we get it straightened out?


ok TT and Leah

What are you talking about that was about Christians?

What did I say that led you there?

I feel 'stupid'!

--then I see you post about clever, and analyzing along lines.............

What did I do?

See why I failed life?
Izzy
****************************
Hey Iz,
I got totally lost too.

No worries...

Hops

By way of explanation, mine was anyone who may be superficial or shallow, just a generalism.That's what I thought you meant Leah, but it didn't hurt to ask again, right?

Love to all,
tt

[Hopalong]

Well enough...
I don't mind being confused now and then!


Hops

[gratitude28]

tt,
I haven't read through the responses yet, so forgive me if I am repeating or missed a lot of discussion. This jumped out at me from your original note:

[And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.  /quote]

Yes, TT, you should love your neighbor. But you don't have to necessarily LIKE your neighbor. Would you be there if they needed help? Are you polite and kind? That is being a good neighbor. But liking someone doesn't have to be part of it... They are different from you and you are not in a comfortable relationship with them. They enjoy certain things and you don't or vice versa. Doesn't mean anything bad about you.

I also relate with not being able to enjoy the circus and freak show LOL I always feel I have to entertain everyone present and make them feel good in some way or another. Makes for a stressful encounter every time. I think that is something we would need to work on to change.

(((((((((((tt)))))))))))) Hope this helps in some way.
Love, Beth

[gratitude28]

I see I did the quote thing wrong again. Was supposed to purpleize only your words. Ooops. Sorry.
Love, Beth

[teartracks]

Seems a pretty simple question to me.

Hey Mud,

It is a simple question.   I know how to ask those.  Answers I'm not good at!   

Kidding aside, this part of what you say is my fit.

others may be most comfortable at home alone with a good book.
 
But there is a kind of unspoken pressure for loners to be more social.   As Annali Rufus says,  Nonloners call loners crazy. Cold. Stuck-up. Standoffish. Selfish. Sad. Bad. Secretive. But we know being a loner isn't about hating people. It's about essence, about necessity. We need what others dread. We dread what others need. 

Then occasionally, I actually have a desire to be social. But it is bothersome when I go away asking myself, What was that?   It is then that I think maybe I'm wierd and get on the board to get feedback.

Mud, you're no simpleton!

tt

                                         ***********************************


Hi Beth,

Yes,   TT, you should love your neighbor. But you don't have to necessarily LIKE your neighbor. Would you be there if they needed help?     Yes.      Are you polite and kind?    Yes.   That is being a good neighbor. But liking someone doesn't have to be part of it... They are different from you and you are not in a comfortable relationship with them. They enjoy certain things and you don't or vice versa. Doesn't mean anything bad about you or them, right? 

What you say helps, Beth.  Thank you. 

tt

[Gaining Strength]

I sometimes feel insecure because so many of the women in my church my age do not work and have lots of money. I sometimes feel and do awkward things because it's like talking about your money issues is part of being real...but it's also a taboo.

I feel rejected if I bring it up so I seldom do.

OMG Hops - that's exactly where I am in life.  Surrounded by people with money some of whom I grew up with but not a fit there and yet not a fit with those exactly without either. 

[teartracks]

Leah,

In spite of being a loner, a retreat sounds good to me too, but I'd find a way to cloister, I'm sure.

tt


Hops,

I sometimes feel insecure because so many of the women in my church my age do not work and have lots of money. I sometimes feel and do awkward things because it's like talking about your money issues is part of being real...but it's also a taboo.

I feel rejected if I bring it up so I seldom do.

You can talk to us about it ((((((((((Hops)))))))))))).

tt

 

[Leah]

Just beware the chameleons who change their personalities from one group to another to fit in. They are lacking something elemental and can rarely be trusted, in my experience.

mud

Hi Mud,

You have expressed the meaning of my waffle!

Thank you

Honestly, "chameleon" came to mind, in respect of my waffle!

Leah