You Will Be Angry To The Same Degree You Are Voiceless. Is That Right?

[teartracks]

Hello,

You will be angry to the same degree you are voiceless...Is that right?  And is the opposite true, that to the degree you gain voice, anger will be dispelled? 

teartracks

[teartracks]

CB,

Interesting implications, huh?

For sure and complex.

You will be angry to the same degree you  ____________________________________(fill in the blank).

Now I'm wondering how many issues could be inserted instead of  voiceless. 

tt

[pennyplant]

Dr. Grossman defined Voice as a sense of agency, mattering, making a difference.  I think literal voicelessness can be a symptom of this lack of agency, lack of mattering.  In my women's studies classes we learned about the difference between power over and power from within.  I think it's all related.

Pennyplant

[teartracks]

Hey All,

I just recently got to wondering if lack of voice was at the root of most or maybe all anger.  It doesn't seem it could be that way, but in my world it sure is/was.  That's why I posed filling in the blank, to see if others here had a different name or source for their anger than voicelessness or it's sister  powerlessness.  Dr. G's interpretation exploded in my head when I read it because it so clearly named how and where I was emotionally at the time.  Thanks PP.

tt

[axa]

TT,

What an interesting thought.  This has really got me thinking.  I spoke to a friend tonight about my passisivity and inability to speak up for myself.  She said that she felt my pattern was to withdraw and keep the hurt within myself and eventually get angry when I am telling her what is bothering me and not address the issue with the appropriate person.  I found this feedback very interesting and true in many ways. 

I have two situations with people which have behaved badly to me in the past months.  I was discussing these with her.  I feel unable to tell these individuals how hurt I was by their behaviour and I feel angry with them.  When we explored why I did not confront these people what emerged is that I am not afraid of loosing their friendship but that if I allow myself to show my vulnerability and say how hurt I am they may discount it and not HEAR me.  Its the same old stuff.  I know if I can find my voice in an assertive and true way it will be my path to freedom.  But I am lurking in the shadows, feeling angry and doing nothing other than complaining about it.

I do think my anger is an expression of my voicelessness.  I am searching for the courage to honour myself and name my hurt to the  people who have hurt me.  It is such a struggle.  Thank you for pointing out this.....  a huge light bulb moment for me.

Axa 

[James73]

Hey Teartracks

You will be angry to the same degree you are voiceless...Is that right?  And is the opposite true, that to the degree you gain voice, anger will be dispelled?

That is a blooming amazing sumation of not speaking up for yourself!! I definately used to feel very angry with everyone and everything when I never spoke up for myself and let people walk over me like the fool I was, this made me bitter about the people I let walk over me and I used to be a complainer/whiner/moaner/muppet mainly because I wasnt in control of my life rather the people who walked over me were. I was like a leaf in the wind being blown about but now I speak up for myself and kick a small amount of booty I am now a tree rather than a leaf and I take my pwn path rather than be maneuvered around by others - perhaps a sapling at present but eventually a tree!   

Also I believe when we become more relaxed and assured of our own boundaries the less angry we will become when standing up for ouselves as I am finding, initially I blew my top when standing up for myself now I find I am calmer than people I believed were super calm and instead they blow up before I do, granted that maybe becuase im defending by boundaries too far and stray into the land of the wrong but sometimes im right too, yey!   

Power to the people!!
James

[Leah]

Lots of superb pointers here on this thread, thanks Teartracks for starting this.  Lightbulbs flashing and bells ringing here.

With reagrd to experiences during the last week, I was not angry inside, more frustration, angst and despair.

Because I felt powerless, so powerless, with no voice.

That has to be the most soul flattening feeling surely - well for me it was and is.  It's all due to never having been heard, never been listened to - what I am ACTUALLY saying, throughout my entire life.

Frustration and despair, at the powerlessness of not being heard.  That's it.

Leah xx

[DivineSunshine]

True, true...but I get angry when I  find my voice, decide to use it, and then get beat down emotionally!  Told to shut back up.  That is when I got really angry and decided to let it show!

THAT is infuriating!

Sunny

[gratitude28]

Hi tt,
A few endings to your idea (a great one by the way)

You will be angry to the same degree you  ____________________________________(fill in the blank).

1. are not honest with yourself.
2. forget to inventory your behavior and ensure you are living in a healthful and helpful manner.
3. allow other's behavior to influence your feelings.
4. try to influence the way others live.
5. do not stop to count the ways in which you are grateful for what you have.
6. do not take steps to change what is unproductive and cumbersome in your life.
7. allow fears to remain unexamined.

These are a few I can think of. Very very good topic.
Love, Beth

[teartracks]

Hello all,


axa, 
But I am lurking in the shadows, feeling angry and doing nothing other than complaining about it.
I've more skill at maintaining my boundaries than a few years ago.  Still,  sometimes, I allow things to slide for much longer than I should, waiting for what 'feels' like the right moment to bring it up.  I think there are several reasons I do that.  I just don't want to face off at the time it happens (lack of backbone).  I want to think about it and not take a chance of being wrong (probably veiled perfectionism).   I'm your fellow lurker, at least part of the time. 

james I speak up for myself and kick a small amount of booty I am now a tree rather than a leaf and I take my pwn path rather than be maneuvered around by others - perhaps a sapling at present but eventually a tree! .

I think I want to be Sequoia instead of a pumpkin. 


stray into the land of the wrong

It's tough having to maintain boundaries and keep a check on our Wrong-ality facter too!  I can handle  it, can you! (Isn't there a commercial on TV that says that now?) 

Leah  .
Lightbulbs flashing and bells ringing here

Happy for the lightbulbs and bell ringing!   

Glad your BP is OK.  I'm all for lowering the stress.  Love your gentle spirit, Leah.

DivineSunshine True, true...but I get angry when I  find my voice, decide to use it, and then get beat down emotionally!  Told to shut back up.  That is when I got really angry and decided to let it show!

Sounds like someone was trying to stomp on your good nature and you let them have it!  Felt good, eh?

Beth,
1. are not honest with yourself.
2. forget to inventory your behavior and ensure you are living in a healthful and helpful manner.
3. allow other's behavior to influence your feelings.
4. try to influence the way others live.
5. do not stop to count the ways in which you are grateful for what you have.
6. do not take steps to change what is unproductive and cumbersome in your life.
7. allow fears to remain unexamined.

All good.  I've rubbed shoulders with every one of them.  I can tell by the content that you have too.  Wow, all of us here have made good progress.  It feels soooooo goooooood!

tt

[James73]

Hey TT, yes a Sequoia would do the job - a worthy goal indeed and one to strive for me thinks!  and yes I can handle that wrong factor now so im right there with you TT shoulder to shoulder we'll mow the path! 
Love ya
James

[teartracks]

Hi James,

Sequoia it will be!  Sequoia to Sequoia/shoulder to shoulder!

Thanks,

tt

[moonlight52]

Hi all,

I have experienced a lot of fear but I believe fear and anger are close emotions .
My fear-anger was turned inward.

moon

[teartracks]

Hi bean,

Here's a hug for you!
 

Because she could not face a day being pleasant, and life was living hell with her and my father. 

I had every right to be angry, to feel angry and to express it.  She tried to take my soul.

Here is a post that summarizes the NUniverse me and my siblings were born into.  # 25   http://www.voicelessness.com/disc3//index.php?topic=4368.msg67522#msg67522 

It was a very dull, expressionless, emotionally flatlined existence.  My soul was confiscated so early that I never had a chance to develop a sense of anger or knowing me or self, not the way you express. 
When I dropped out of denial, I was very angry at  N.  That anger morphed into rage that lasted a few weeks.  The rage abated, but the anger lingered for almost seven years.  The thing that seems irregular about me and anger is that aside from the anger toward N, I can count on one hand the times I've felt real anger toward others.  I attend a twelve step program.  I hear others talk about how angry they are.  I can't relate to that kind of anger.  After examining that feature of my personality, I've decided that I am not an angry person by nature.  I dealt with the anger toward N and now with that neutralized, I figure that where anger is concerned, God gave me a little extra grace.  For that I am grateful.  However,  I am very familiar with several of the many sisters of anger to a greater degree. 

Also, I was fearful all of my early life.  Moon makes a good point on that one.

bean, take care.  Stay in touch.

tt

[teartracks]

Hi Moon,

You sound so on top of everything.  We've come a long way, baby!

I have experienced a lot of fear but I believe fear and anger are close emotions .
My fear-anger was turned inward.

Anyway, I agree with you on this, at lease it has been my experience.  I was so fearful for the first thirty three years of my life.  I feared everyone then.  Fear with N was justified.  With most others, it wasn't, but I didn't know the difference.  I didn't know how to identify safe people.

Hugs,

tt