Hi Everyone,
I am new here. I ran into your board during a search and I am glad I did! I hope I've come to the right place to let it all out because there is so much that is eating me up and the people who I have to talk to I feel are too biased to understand sometimes. Ok, here is my story.
I have been married for over 16 yrs now. I don't really understand what is happening and what is the right thing to do anymore. My husband has been the love of my life and I have never been without him since I met him
until recently. Everything he ever wanted I did and gave to him unconditionally. I am a school teacher. He is a corporate engineer for a large company. I've done everything I can for him. When he wanted me to stay at home and raise our two boys, I quit and stayed home. When he wanted us to move and start his own business, I moved and went back to work. When he decided to close the buisness and go back to the corporate world(that meant moving the family up to the NJ area), I gave up my Texas life and moved. He promised us a better life, and a chance to make our family grow, something I wanted and yet postponed due to the start of his own business. So of course, I went! While we were there, he changed. He became very hostile and angry towards me. For 3 yrs, I took alot of his harsh words and, dear I say,.. neglect. The move was a culture shock for me and worse was that NJ wouldn't allow me to work with my 10 yrs of teaching experience and my Texas certification. So I was forced to be a stay at home mom. Anyone would've enjoyed it. I know I would have, had my husband supported me. But he didn't. He made comments about lack of money and how we couldn't afford to do things. So basically I shut my mouth up anytime I wanted for us to go out and enjoy our new life. I saved money as much as I could so we could do small things here and there, but it all became about lack of money. Belive it or not, I tried to look for a job, but nobody would hire me. You would think that a woman with a bilingual, early childhood, science and math specialist with 10 years of experience in elementary education would be able to get a decent job. But I didn't. Nobody would hire me. Maybe it's because I was hispanic. Maybe my fear got the best of m e and I didn't try hard enough. I don't know. What it comes down to is that my husband got frustrated w/me all the time. Fights escalated and worse is, I fell from the top of the stairs one day when everyone was at work and at school, and when they all got home, mom was practically bedridden. You'd think hub would've been compassionate then but it got worse. This meant I had to do things at home w/pain in my back. Nothing changed but me. My physical health went down. If it wasn't my back, it was the migraines I began to develop, or the broken cartlidge on my kneed I some how ended up with... or worse was the sudden development to a severe shrimp allergy I got suddenly out of the blue that caused me to go into shock everytime I got near it. All in all, I think you get the idea. After a few years, hub started to tell me I should go back to Texas w/the kids. I refused. I didn't want to seperate the family. His logic was that I would be able to work in Texas as a teacher, we'd have more money and family would be there for me to get help w/the boys. After 3 yrs of fighting this, I finally gave up and moved. This is where I am right now. He told the boys that we were still a family and nothing changed, that we have now 2 homes and blah blah blah... yet i found out a month ago, he took a woman and her friend (so he says) to Florida on a get-away weekend. After I confronted him, he said it meant nothing, yet 2 weeks after that, I found out he was taking her to Niagra Falls! I pay the phone bill so I know he just met her. I made the mistake of texting her, "He may not be a good husband but he's the father of my kids and they better not get hurt because of YOU! I know who you are." (yes stupid me) Well, my kids ended up hearing him yell at me on the phone when this happened b/c he called me whiile i was in the grocery store and told me not to bother her b/c she was an innocent and good woman. Of course that boiled me and it hurt the kids. All in all, up to date... I asked him if this was a serious thing w/her and he said no.. but he never has said it will never happen again. I asked him what it was about her that he was drawn to and he said, she is self-sufficient AND she doesn't make him feel threatened. Worse is, during all this turmoil, he tells me he got a vasectomy and can't get her pregnant. THAT broke my heart. It's been a year now and the boys and I are on our own. We are planning on buying a house soon with my new teaching job. I don't ask anything from him. I just take what he gives which isn't much. He got promoted in his job and is now on his way up the corporate ladder. He takes trips to see "the boys"... I'm no longer included in his words anymore. Everything is for the boys. Our 16th anniversary was this past friday. I got 2 dozen roses w/a letter attached saying, "We have alot to celebrate. We have 2 beautiful boys and a long term friendship". That's it. No "i love you" or "happy anniversary". Nothing. I've tried talking to him about what is going to happen but he blows up and yells at me. I did that on Thursday before the Anniv. and it was a mistake. He called to see how i was doing and i was honest. I told him i was down because our anniversary was coming up and I was feeling depressed and basically that I missed him. He got so upset ... he called his boss and told him he wanted off the project b/c he had too much stress coming from his marriage.
Made me feel like it was my fault. He then text me "I'm filing for divorce". Yet, the next day, he calls me like if nothing. Asked if I got the flowers and said he was coming in July for a week and a half to spend time with the boys. I am so confused!!! I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like the daisy with the he loves me, he loves me not... and I'm starting to wilt. I've been on my own for a year now. I have friends now. That includes guy friends too. One of them likes me but I've told him I am not ready and neither are the boys. He loves the boys and the boys love him too, except my little one is starting to put up a guard with him. We are going to counseling and the counselor told me that the boys think Mom is NEVER going to do what dad did. Mom is never going to date or marry again. I don't know how to feel. I don't know what to think. I'm so confused. Not to mention scared. Nobody understands why I'm scared. I can't deny it. I still have feelings for him. I feel sad for my kids b/c they have gone through so much (my little one is 9 yrs old and has had 8 homes!!!), I like the guy who's coming around b/c he makes me feel normal, yet I'm scared that if hub finds out about him, he will get mad at me and start yelling and causing me more stress than I already have. One thing I've learned in all of this is that being a single parent is the hardest thing any person can ever do when she doesn't get support from her family or friends. I don't even know what I'm asking from this group... to listen.. to help.. I am so confused about everything now. I don't know what's right or wrong anymore.
