Giving away my power

[poetprose]

My father in law is back from his winters in Florida, and every time he comes back I get this feeling of dread, this feeling of forboding,
and I get mad at myself, for allowing him to have that much power over me, yet at the same time I know he is going to call here almost every day, to complain about everyone and and anyone, he can't get along with any of his neighbors,  and if he needs something it will be us he calls, as he is only about A 20 drive from here.... (way to close for comfort), because when he needs or wants something he means AT THAT MOMENT... you are expected to put your entire plans and life on hold for him or LOOK OUT,  I not only deal with him but then i have to deal with my hubby being really upset after they talk on the phone, he gets my hubby really angry and then i have to deal with that........ it is like he is invading our family / through his  damm phone calls? 

I hate the fact that I feel so powerless , that i allow him to take away my power, just once i would like to be able to be in his presence and not have my entire being effected, I litterally feel a physical , spiritual, emotional physcological reaction arround him, it is almost like he has this way of making my entire being on edge, anxious, and get a real gloom arround him

does anyone else get like that? it just really irritates me that he has this power over me.....  what do you all do to be able to handle the people in your lives?

I hate this.... If it was a neighbor or a friend I could chose NOT to have these types of people in my life, but because it is family you dont get that choice.........

and the fact that I really belive that this man has never been told "NO" in his entire life, good luck to try and set him straight at 82
bullies always win
 

[Overcomer]

Maybe you should not pick up the phone.  I know n people hate not being able to talk to you whenever they want.  Also try saying you are booked solid if he demands your presence!  I feel unrest when I am around my mom too!

[poetprose]

Maybe you should not pick up the phone.  I know n people hate not being able to talk to you whenever they want.  Also try saying you are booked solid if he demands your presence!  I feel unrest when I am around my mom too!

>>>Maybe you should not pick up the phone.  I know n people hate not being able to talk to you whenever they want.  Also try saying you are booked solid if he demands your presence!  I feel unrest when I am around my mom too!<<<<

I think it would be easier if he had a mate, he has outlived 3 wives, and he is alone now, so we do answer the phone because what if something was wrong? a seious health problem, he owns 5 different residences, and when he comes back from Florida he goes to his cottage, he is miles away from his doctor, needs to be driven to the bank driven to the grocery store .... we end up taking him everywhere,  he is not the type to think "maybe by  me coming back here i am too much of a burden for the boys"....

he just doesn't ever think about anyone but his wants his needs.... and who the hell needs 5 properties at 82 yrs of age!!! he has let them all run to the ground,  I swear he just keeps them to gloat to boast and brag about all that he owns... on the one hand it is all that he has got........ his own brothers and sisters want nothing to do with him beause he is mean and arrogant

I am finding myself afraid to get old..... i told my hubby if I ever get that mean, or start intruding in my kids lives like that, where they are not happy because of me.... i said just shoot me...... dont ever let me get that way ,

my youngest daughter is 22 and she just got a job as a PSW (personal support worker) at a retirement home and even she said there are some really sweet elder people that she cares for...... it was like a shock* in her voice when she told me...

how sad is that??

[poetprose]

>>It's hard to set boundaries that are different from what your husband will set.  It's almost impossible to operate independently when it is his family.  In the last few years, his mother started hanging up on me if she was irritated (about anything!), so I wrote her a letter and told her I was through messing with her.  I told my NH that if he wanted to get together with her, he could take her out to lunch, but she wasnt welcome at my home.  He, amazingly, didnt push that decision and had the same relationship of arguments alternating with "normalcy" that he had always had--just without me in the mix.  It was heaven.<<<


funny but I told my hubby that if his oldest son does come out for a visit, that I would just go hang out at the mall for the afternoon, that I no longer wanted any thing to do with him,  I did not think that I had the right to tell him he was not welcomed here because this home is both my hubby and my home ,

With the FIL, I do avoid going over to the cottage as much as possible, and when i do have him here, birthdays or any special event,
I control the topic of conversation, I do everything i can to keep it light,  FIL likes cooking so do i , so we talk about recipies, he and I both share similar policital views so we talk about that

but he won't get away with gossip with me, or instigating crap within the family ( he loves to do that),  so i guess i do have a little power ....