Is there a link between childhood sexual abuse and NPD?

[Margo]

I haven't read anything on this topic.  Has anyone heard of a correlation between child sexual abuse and NPD? 

[seastorm]

Hi Margo,

Yes, I have read about this. The child who is destined to be an N experiences " a seizmic  blow to their ego " when very young. Lack of mirroring and bonding with a caretaker or parent, neglect, sexual abuse are soul murdering to a child. At some point they " split " from their real selves and go into another state where they are omnipotent and powerful. This grows and evolves into a false self that must be preserved at all costs. There is a real self in there but it is much too psychologically threatening for the Narcissist to live from that place. Even approaching that vulnerable and historically powerless place is extremely threatening.
At one level I have compassion for such sociopaths, liars and swindlers but at the same time I know that the cost of their comfort is my safety and sanity. They do not play by the same rules and live only to manipulate and survive.

Sea storm

[poetprose]

Do they know that they are allowing their ego to bully their inner child into submission?

if their inner child is still there, why can we not draw him out and work/ treat that one

[teartracks]

Margo, 

I can't post to your question for I don't know, but I'm all ears to any insights or comments from others.   Thanks for the thread.

Seastorm,  the information you shared, is it online or from books?  If you can point me in a direction, I'd like to learn more on this subject.

Poetprose, you ask a very interesting question.  I'll be lurking to see what the responses are.

tt

[Overcomer]

After I read this I think I may point blank ask my nmom if she was sexually molested as a child.  When she asks why I would ask such a thing I will respond with, "I am just trying to figure out why you do the things you do...."  and leave it at that.....I'll let you know her response!

[isittoolate]

Oh my! OC

What a great idea!

All uphappy children ought to be able to ask that question of their parents and receive an honest answer and maybe many things can be nipped in the bud!????????????????????????

xxoo
Izzy

[Hopalong]

Hey Kel,
Can you tap into a place where you hold the little girl inside your mother for a moment?

Hops

[Overcomer]

I cannot imagine how she will react to that question-even if she was abused as a child I cannot imagine her admitting it to especially me-but I will ask and if something did happen I will be very loving-But she wont admit it knowing her.

[debkor]

OC,

I did ask that to my mom and she looked at me and said, Why do you ask me that?  The answer went unsaid, but did it really?

Love
Deb

[Hopalong]

Hi Kel...

I meant get into that space before you ask the question, without knowing the answer yet.

Hops

[Overcomer]

Oh yeah.  Because I just know that there is something in her past that hurt her so much that she HAD to protect herself-unfortunately her self preservation puts me in a terribly uncomfortable position!  I will try.

[axa]

Poet,

Firstly I want to say that anyone who was sexually or otherwise abused as a child my heart goes out to them.  I know Xn was abused emotionally whatever about anything else but I do not want to be the figure he batters to rage at because of this abuse.

Why we cannot reach the child in them, I believe, is because they are so split off from that part of themselves and are defended with walls of iron, there is no penetration.  They do not want to heal.  I see so many people here desperatly trying to heal, Ns are not like that they just want to continue the abuse.  My experience is that they abuse that child part of themselves over and over again by using it as a hook to keep the other person in the abusive relationship.  All those poor little boys which we loved, allowed ourselves feel vulnerable around and in stepped the N to knock us back into the pain.

I think its as simple as this THEY DON'T WANT TO CHANGE because it is everyone else who is wrong not them.  They are preoccupied and obsessed with getting what they want and are not willing to look at their part in their lives.  Exit one victim, send in another and the merry dance continues. 

I know XN never wanted to change, went to therapy but was not willing to do the work.  He has left a trail of hurt people after him but that was never of any consequence, he just wanted to get on with what he wanted.  Its like dealing with a two year old.  They do not have the emotional maturity to reflect AND resolve.

axa

[poetprose]

Hi axa , Thankyou for your response, I've shared the same thoughts as you at various points in trying to understand N,

My childhood was extremely insane, I was raised in darkness, and i do believe it contributes alot to my mood disorder, personally I don't believe you can come from extreme abuse in childhood years and grow up and NOT have some sort of problems... various degrees  yes, but ultimately you are effected....

I've debated this with my neighbor ( her mom was extremely abusive) who totally disagrees with me on that one, and that is ok, I repsect her opinion...


you mention this; >My experience is that they abuse that child part of themselves over and over again by using it as a hook to keep the other person in the abusive relationship.<<<<

I've thought alot about what you said in trying to understand my step son , I do see alot of N traits in him, and even if he isn't N,

I see no signs of him even considering getting physcological help,  as i mention before he has spent his entire life in and out of detention centres, and jails etc..... when someones entire life is mispent , and courts and lawyers become your parents , you will never convince me that he doesnt have some kind of pathology ....... i think he is addicted to the thrill , breaking laws , riding the edge of life , testing , mocking the court system... blaming daddy* for everything wrong in his youth, at the same time idolizing his mother who he lived and lives with...  even though she in my opinion she died emotionally years ago.... and just shut down...but to be honest I think back to his young years and i am mad at both of his parents, they really did not get involved , i am mad at both of them , it is like they just didnt want anything to do with him, i think they should have interviened got in his face and dealt with the signs of an offender, now he is who his is....... an adult who i dont think can even work for a legitamate employer , he could not handle the authority over him.......

my step son dispises*, LOATHES  me because i got involved in his life.... he sees me as an intrusive B*, but i know why , it is because both his mom and his dad never really ever deatl with who he is....... they won't ever really talk about his criminal side... but it is because the step keeps them in the dark, he controls all conversation, and reacts if you ask a question that might be to close for comfort , his  "other" life... is not exsistant..... so he makes me out to look like I'm nuts!!!! he just lies and deny's if he can do that then it doesnt exsist right??? 

my step daughter told me that her brother is a very very * private person and wants that respected..... but what he doesnt realise is that his life is already exposed , and open book..... and he is NOT going to dictate and control my thoughts, it is like he thinks his actions don't effect other people in his life...... I believe in accountability to one another, I think he thinks he is a free agent to do as he pleases and we are suppose to just go along with it........... he and I just do not get along...  so no i do not respect his interpretation of "private".........

the problem is that I have learned to much, to pretend that he is just a victom of a nasty childhood... and that he is a victom of the police........... his mom and dad dont read anything or get involved period......... they close their eyes and then everything is fine

so yeah........ you are right these people do chose* not to deal with , take responsiblity for , that is what makes it evil in my opinion

if my step s said to me, I'm in councelling now i have a serious problem... i would bow at his feet in tears , I can respect a sick man or woman who admits they are sick, and wants to do something about it.......... but not this lie and deny crap

thx for letting me vent )

[Overcomer]

 WOW!  I was and an going to try to remember that my mom must have made to feel less than when she was growing up but I agree that it probably will not do much good.  She sees me as the one with the problem.  She would never in a million years admit that she was anything other than perfect.

[towrite]

Margo - I have long believed there is a link. The Ns I know, incl. my parents and my ex, certainly had traumatic and emotionally deprived childhoods, if not abusive. They were invisible growing up. My X-N was clearly abused, psychologically, emotionally, and possibly sexually. This is verifiable. I haven't read anything about it, but it stands to reason there must be a causal link there. For a child to be beaten into submission, hounded into invisibility, guilt-ed into abandoning their true selves, what other way is there for them to go except into N'sm? Unless they go insane or become campus murderers.

Towrite