something on my hard drive --who wrote it?

[isittoolate]

HI*
I've already sent this to Dr. Grossman to see if he wrote it.

What do you think? it has the word 'voicelessness' in the body of it!

The last line really got to me!

Love Izzy
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Some people have walls that block them from being truly intimate or present in another's life. When those walls are encountered by the other person, and there is no desire or inclination, on their part. to understand it's cause or origin, the only choice is to close communication.

It is how one can effectively and callously render another voiceless.   

When there is no desire to try to understand because the quest is too uncomfortable, those who are closed off have a tendency to lash out or push the other person away.  Sometimes, sadly, permanently.

What has happened is that the person requesting "entry" has brushed up against an old scar, one that is still sensitive and the tragedy is that the choice is to protect the scar by inflicting wounds on the other person, rendering the other effectively silenced.

Incredibly hurtful, callous and careless behavior.

It takes immense courage to open yourself up, however small, to be honest about feelings.

To be rebuffed or silenced, rebuked, cast aside - now that is voicelessness.   

How horrible and terrible!  To say "ouch" and not be heard.  To be accused of pushing and wanting more than is available when the truth is the other is not able to give and unwilling to try.
 
Forcing someone who is not an N or abusive, who is trying to communicate to end communication by demand and giving that person no choice to accept it is ABUSIVE in and of itself.
 
I would add that you cannot relate to someone who cannot hear you when you are in pain.  It's actually a gift if they run away from you.

[cats paw]

Hi-

  What does that mean that's it's on your hard drive?  No, I don't expect a whole tutorial about computers, but does it mean that you know how to check your hard drive and were able to track the origin coming from somewhere on this board?

   How could someone send something to you from the board with the safeguards that seem to be in place?  I read the help board before I ever posted, and with my limited knowledge of the internet, it seemed pretty safe.

Cat

[isittoolate]

hiya CP

I saw it somewhere and it spoke to  me--when? I don't  know, but I Copied it, then Pasted it to a document and saved it on my hard drive. I forget the origin.

...so I Copied and Pasted it back to here!

(Anything you save to your computer is on your hard drive, unless you save it to disk or USB stick!)

Your last line means nothing in this caper!

love
Izzy

[cats paw]

Goodness sakes alive!!!!

   Does that not tell my ignorance and I guess a bit of paranoia about the Internet?  Thanks, Izzy for explaining what you meant by phrasing your question that way.  So is it another way of saying it would be like the save to my favorites feature that I figured out how to use?

   I'm going to stop with all the computer questions because this is not a learn the computer support group!  That is, unless I get really stuck about something specific to this board.

   As I said, paranoia out the you know what!! I could't even figure out why I was thinking, "Well whoever wrote it and however it ended up on her hard drive, it's really good and I can see how she really finds it salient!

DOH (me and Homer Simpson) -

cats paw

[isittoolate]

Yes CP

You like something? Copy it, then open your Word processor, or even Notepad, and click Paste then SAVE AS.. and it's in your Documents likely, but it's your to keep for whatever length of time, as I did with this one.

Now what did you think of the writing itself? I'm still mulling it over but I wonder about the last line....

."...you cannot relate to someone who cannot hear you when you are in pain.  It's actually a gift if they run away from you.

I would like opinions before I express mine!

Thanks
Izzy

[cats paw]

Iz,

  That last line I need to think about a bit more, and I'm going to catch the end of a show I wanted to watch.  Sorry for my junk having taken up the space from your post.  Will return to it later.  Thanks for your tolerance.

Cat

[Hopalong]

Hi Izzy...

I may be wrong, but I think this was a post of Jac's.

 
Jac...

Where are you? And how are you?

sending you love.
Hops

[GS]

I would add that you cannot relate to someone who cannot hear you when you are in pain.  It's actually a gift if they run away from you.

That whole piece saids so very familiar.  I bet hops is correct.

I agree wholeheartedly about the first sentence and I agree about the second as well but it is the 2nd that causes us the most trouble.  So seldom (especially if we have suffered from painful relationships) can we see how true this statement is and more seldom still can we feel that it is gift.  Instead, the wounded and wounding part of us usually insists on trying to stay in relationship with a person or people who have no empathy with us.  I suppose that is co-dependence - that dread disease.

[axa]

I remember saying something about my hard drive being programmed to being attracted to Ns........ does this help


axa - deprogramming daily

[isittoolate]

No axa,---have you been into the cooking sherry?

 

Izzy

[DivineSunshine]

Hey Izzy,

I had been considering asking you something technical computerwise but didn't think it appropriate here, but...since we are kinda on the subject....

I am thinking of trying to access my NH's hard drives on his computer he uses while away from home (office/laptop) because I know he is hiding some stuff from me I could really use against him if I need to.  He is really good about clearing his cache (on his Macintosh) and keeping his history clear or browsing privately.  he also uses AIM, and some other instant messaging programs to chat with....people.

Just wondering if you have any ideas for downloading keystrokes or hard drive info even after it has been cleared, I have heard there is a way but I am not sure.  I can find my way around mac pretty well though, and so can he, which scares me while posting on these boards and blogging, but I have to chance it for sanity and record keeping.  It is not like I am having an intimate thing or looking at "garbage" while I am  supposed to be working.  Maybe I can use it as character reference or something---dunno.  Pretty sure he is up to no good though.  Just wanna prove it to myself.  instead of feeling neurotic about it all the time.

Thanks, anything you think would help, even a help site you know of or something---or anyone out there who knows anything for safety, spying, or covering tracks would be appreciated!  I know, weird request, but I find myself in this position right now.

Namaste,

Sunny

[isittoolate]

hiya Sunny

Are your computers networked? You PC, he Mac? (You must be for this part!)  I am not familiar with Macs but if they have "print and file sharing" there is your first option, hopefully.

(The N's computer was networked to mine, but I kept turning OFF, File sharing, so he couldn't "see" my hard drive. Then I would return to comp and find it turned on again. So I pulled up his computer and saw a File Folder called Downloads. I checked for a certain program--and found 10GB of pornography. With a knee-jerk reaction I hit Delete key and it was gone---from his computer. Oh my! He NEVER asked about it

If you are not networked, there is a Program called Keylogger. (Just type that word into Google Search.) You buy it, then send a great photo to him via email ( if you are not in this habit get started so he won't be suspicious) and keylogger is attached but inviisible. It sends back to you, in a text file, every keystroke he has made.

The only way he can know it is there is if he runs a Spyware Detector. BUT it doesn't say from where it came!  You would know it is gone because you have no more reports and............................... you must have a poker face!!!!!!

(After I left N, we were on speaking terms for a bit and he asked if he could come use my new XP (2002) since he was not on it yet, to 'help fix a client's file'  I said okay and he sat at my brand new XP computer and did whatever he needed to do, while we chatted. On my next Spyware Detector scan, I found KEYLOGGER.....poof gone!)

Let me know if this made sense???
Love
Izzy

[axa]

Izzy,


I must have been on the cooking sherry but dont remember.......... I try and read as many posts as possible but obviously got mixed up on this one.................sorry.

axa xxxx

[DivineSunshine]

Izzy,

Thanks VERY much!  yes, it does make sense.  And we have networked computers at home, so if he is home I am not safe to do anything in another room because he is probably watching remotely.  He can also access my stuff and i am trying to be careful, but he is obsessed with Macs and knows quite a bit.  I have just relied on his Nism to not give enough of a dam* to start getting into my stuff.  Too self involved--you know!  Right now, he thinks i don't get on much from my injury, and he has kept computers away from me, but when he leaves I use them and try to be safe and mostly just hold my breath.

We use exclusive Macs.  i imagine there is something like the spyware type program you mentioned, but Macs are pretty safegaurded for this which is why he uses them, so I have been very perplexed.  But, my poker face is getting really good these days!  Have to.

He has spent all morning downloading my user window to another computer in the house and i have been dying wondering if he will find anything.  This has happened before and created a real big mess!  I was stupid enough to vent one day on my hard drive processing program and forgot to delete it---it was ugly.

Anyway, I will look into all of this, I am pretty sure it will come in handy!  he has decided to bring home all his paperwork for me to do since he does not want to.  He figures I have tons of time with 6 children and a 5000 sq. foot house to take care of to his perfect standards.  And whatnot.
(By the way, i am forcing myself to walk now, it is 6 weeks to the day of my skateboarding wreck and I can't stand his "help" another day.  So, ready or not.......I am back.  Just FYI--if you remember my situation.)

Must hurry he will be sauntering in or spying from another room any minute.  Sorry for typos or nonsense sentences.  Hope it makes sense.

Thanks again,

Sunny

[isittoolate]

hi Sunny

You are Welcome, anytime!

Nothing like an N to make a person Neurotic.

The N here always appeared to have something going on in his mind, like a plan to kill me or something. He would do things like make a BIG DEAL out of putting an envelope in his jacket pocket, take it out, look at it again, re-insert, then go out.  That brought on full blown paranoia with me. (The final payment to the hitman?)

Glad to hear you are taking your baby steps.

Forensics is one name of a program that can find what had been deleted from a hard drive. N found out about it when he deleted 5 years worth of Accounting files from a client's computer. He said, "I f***** up!" That was the only time he admitted to making a mistake.  Forensics saved his butt, at the time anyway.

Anyway, good luck with all your paperwork. Do you get paid?????

Ask anytime!
xx
Izzy