Reaching THAT point - where you snap and it is over!

[Overcomer]

A few days ago, CB commented to me on another thread that she could tell that I was done - OVER - finito!!!  She mentioned that it appeared that I had hit the end of my rope as she did with her husband and as many of you have done in order to get to the point where you are now........on the road to recovery.

For me the snapping point was age 42.  That was a full five years ago.  Since then I have been on the road to freedom and recovery.  Sometimes things are ok so I just bide my time.  But I have this underlying feeling of anger - resentfulness - bitterness.

My goal to get out is strengthened because I have hit my wall.  I am so over this.  My only recourse is to change my life course.  New job.  New body.  New attitude.  I feel like if I do not get away from my nmom, I will die little by little every single day of my life.

Does anyone else here relate to this?  This hitting a brick wall and KNOWING that it is over!!!!

[Hopalong]

Yes, I can relate, Kell.
For me, it was at the end of 2 marriages.

But I can understand completely how you reached that point with your Mom too.

Maybe this last long mile is just for you to release the anger, so when you do move on, you feel peaceful.

You deserve some peace. And since she's not going to give it to you, you need to create it inside yourself. I believe in you, I'm sure you will find the way to do that.

Hops

[teartracks]

OC,

Yep, I can relate.  I love Hops description of her relationship with her Mom nowadays.  Kind detachment.  That's where I am too.  It is blessed relief, but it took a while to get there.

Best to you dear one.

tt

[isittoolate]

Dear OC

Oh Yes!

Then your time has come and you GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All the Best
Love
Izzy

[gratitude28]

Hi Kell,
Yes, I know whatcha mean. But I think I am at a new point... one where I want to declare my disgust... but I am not sure that is a good idea.
I also realized this week, going through some old notebooks, that I was working through this before I understood what the problem was. It took me years to find the root...
Take care Kell,
Love, Beth

[debkor]

OC,

Oh sure can relate hitting the brick wall knowing it's over.  When I think of my anger back then I think I was more bored with myself that made me angry.   Oh I sound like that Bruce Springsteen song,

I get up in the evening, and I ain't got nothing to say
I come home in the morning, I go to bed feeling the same way
I ain't nothing but tired, man I'm just tired and bored with myself
Hey there baby, I could use just a little help

You cant start a fire, you cant start a fire without a spark
This guns for hire even if were just dancing in the dark

Message keeps getting clearer, radios on and I'm moving round the place
I check myself out in the mirror I wanna change my clothes my hair my face
Man I ain't getting nowhere just sitting in a dump like this
Theres something happening somewhere baby I just know that there is

You cant start a fire, you cant start a fire without a spark
This guns for hire even if were just dancing in the dark


You'll get to where you need to be OC. It just feels like it cannot come soon enough but it will come.

Love
Deb

[Overcomer]

Well I got an email from my mom yesterday after she went to a Women of Faith conference and it sounded like their may be a short moment of weakness in her-she asked for forgiveness'

[Gaining Strength]

Forgive her and then read, The Dance of Anger. - GS

[cats paw]

 
  Do you remember the song "It's Too Late" by Carole King?  Could that apply to another side of the feelings you're dealing with about your mom?  That is for some reason what came to my mind when I read what you said about she asked for forgiveness.

  Not to say that it's ever too late to forgive anyone- ever.  But how about reconciliation? Is that what you would like with your mother?  Is it possible?  What would it look like?

  Just a couple of thoughts, as this is something I am working on in my life.

cats paw

[CB123]

Kell,

Here's a thought--I think that ultimately forgiveness is the best thing for you and your mom.  But!  I think you are pretty much locked into a dance, and I think you will have your best chance of forgiving (and she will have her best chance of changing), if you have some distance between you.

Anyway, that's my best advice--forgive from a distance.

CB

[gratitude28]

Like the famous parting words...

"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."

Talk about a breaking point!!

[Overcomer]

That is exactly right!  I have told my mom that I WANT to like her.  I want a relationship with her but it will get to the point where I will hate her if I do not get away from her, and I do not know why she cannot understand that-it is like as long as I stay and take the abuse.  She knows she needs me but will not give me a chance to do it without her.  It is her way or the highway!

[Overcomer]

Yes you are so right!  I Have always wanted her approval and support but she will NOT give it.  But what I really want is not to in but to stay and have HER leave!  Or I want her to give me money so I can stay home with my child!  I think she owes me!  She has taken so much from me over the years-specifically my self esteem.  I guess I am having a hard time letting her win again!  But he I have to I will move on and I told her so!  It is just so exasperating!

[GAP]

I've been thinking about hitting the brick wall and saying enough is enough.  Most people hit the wall, say enough is enough and then can't make a move.  I left my marriage before I became a zombie, while it still hurt, while I still loved.  I have so many friends that hit the wall, then stay.  You pay a price when you stay, you lose part of who you are, you cope in ways that often aren't healthy, you have trouble looking yourself in the mirror.  The classic saying sh@# or get off the pot rang thru my head a lot in the last couple weeks before I filed for divorce.  I had tried everything, talked and cried as much as was humanly possible and truly saw the only options as divorce or suicide.  I know if I had stayed I propable wouldn't have taken my life but I would be living half a life, half of me had to die in order to survive living with an abusive man.

[gratitude28]

GAP,
I wish there were a point like that for me. I am trying to figure out what IS equal to making some action on the pot??????? I think it would require some sort of confrontation. She covers her tracks well, so I am sure anything I confronted her with would be spun into something I had done to abuse her. Besides that, I think she is just waiting for some sort of "situation" to liven up her days.

God grant me the serenity...

Love, Beth