opinion and advice, pleace

[Lupita]

Thank you Deb. Thank you so much for taking the time. Today, again, he bullied me. Students can exempt the semester exam if they have A or B and did not have OSS. One of his favorite students has the grades to exempt but he had OSS. The student came to my class and brag about being exempt by the principal. i went to the principal and asked him if that was true and he said "I just might" I was so scared that I said "I will do whatever you tell me to do"
I am losing my hope, I am losing my high expectations, I am lowering my expectations, I do not care anymore. My students were behaving well this week, due to the fact of the actions I took before. It seems that poeple there do not like the fact that my students are behaving well now. It seems that they were happier with me when my students were making me miserable.
I only need to survive two weeks and a half.
Help me hout here, friends. Help me survive these two weeks.

[Margo]

Hi friends, thank you for all your advices.
Today and yesterday I had a good day, but today my boss scolded me with no reason. I was congratulating a mother because of the good behavior of her son who was one of the F in conduct that I was agonizing on quarter 3. For the first time he refused to angage in bad behavior despite the temptation he was being subjected by the worst student in the class. And he is the first one that has told me that I have to tell the kids when they do something good, so I told the mother that I was proud of him and that he was going to get an extra point for his general grade. Suddenly he came out of his office and told us in an ugly tone of voice that we should go to a conference room to talk about students. I know now what is all about. The worst student is the son of the secretary and she hates when I congratulate other students. It seems like she provokes her son to misbehave to show her power over the school, like to show teachers that if they want a job there, teachers have to put up with her son. I have the impression that she is the one that is ruining the life of that student. She wants to look like a wonderful mother with terrible children and she does not see that she is the cause of the misbehavior. She is such a manipulator. I see now. And she wants to blame her husband for the misbehavior of her children. She likes to look like a victim. She is a bad person. I feel very sad. I thought that working in a Christian school would be different, but it is the same hypocresy and the same politics everywhere. I am very disappointed and sad.

It never once occurred to me that a Christian school wouldn't be a bit worse than any other school.  Sorry you were dissapointed but...... people are people and hypocrits are a bit more annoying than the rest, IMO, lol. 

So glad you have a handle on that secretary and your boss.  Now.... you can manage to sidestep their traps and start wrapping your mind around handling their hostility.  I can't wait for you to calmly hold their eye contact and ask one of them "what exactly are you trying to say?" so they have to explain themselves in front of other people.  That won't be as much fun as pouncing on you then watching youi wilt.  Margo

[debkor]

Lupita,

Oh I don't know.  This is crazy making. 

So many contradictions from them.  They set their rules then break them only to remind you there are rules that you have broken(such as the bible you did not bring) to remind you of the rules set that they will consistently break. AHHH!!!
Reminds me of living with my exH. 
Is this what they call spinning?

Lupita I feel as disgusted as you just by reading what is going on.  This appears to be a no win situation.

They are not happy unless they are making someone miserable.  Boy do I now that.
Don't let them make you miserable.  That is what we did in the past.  We look for approval.  You do not need it from him.
He is talking in circles.  Get out of that circle.

Two weeks, Lupita,  two weeks to go.  Then you can get out of the circle and think a little more clearly.

Whosh!  your boss is making me feel  confused and I don't even work there. I feel dizzy!
Hang in there Lup.  Twooo weeks...
(((Lupita))))

Love
Deb

[towrite]

Lup - take it from one who's been in the exact same place. DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT!!!!!

TOWRITE

[Lupita]

WOW, WOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Deb, Tow, so I am not crazy!!!! You recognize my situatnion!!!!!!!!!!  You know what I amtalking about!!!!!!!!!

I know that other people suffering does not make a solution, but to know that  you have been in my place makes me feel so well!!!
Do not misunderstand me!!!! I do not mean that I am happy that you siffered the smae things, but I mean that I am not crazy!!! These people are making me crazy!!!!   But your words make me feel better with my self. Thank you.
 
Would you guys care to share with me what happened to you that is similar? With a boss? With friends? Please, please, tell about it.
Is there a thread that I can look for in this board that I can read?

You are so deam right that I cannot think clearly now!!! I am so scared!!!

I am so disappointed!!!!  I was thinking that a Christian school would change my life but I am changing my way of thinking about churches and Christian schools.

I am seriously considering the possibility of looking for a job somewhere else. But I don't know if they will give a good recommendation. HOw to get a job if they do not do that?

Maybe I will suck up to them now and tell them that God is giding me in a different direction. But I do not want to be hypocrit. God knows that I do not want that. I am very confused and sad.

Please, keep posting here, please, keep helping me. Thank you. God bless you all.

By the way, the surgeon has to evaluate me. There is a delay in the pass of bile from liver to intestines. Two reasons can be. One is a stone, the other is a tumor. But there is no history of cancer in my family. I pray the Lord that nothing bad comes out.

Lupita

[Lupita]

Please, friends, keep talking to me. To know that somebody is listening makes me feel better. Thank you.

[debkor]

Lupita,

I really think that it is just a stone.  I can't wait till the test is in so it can ease your worries. 


Ok let me think, I have so many *crazy making stories* I could be here all night.

I'll do one with my son’s school.

When we ruled out medical with my son and finally got the disability *learning disability* I thought I would lose my mind at one point.
The school tended to want to stick to ADD since they did not know what else to do.
I had him tested by THE SCHOOL PSYCH who said to me DON'T EVER LET ANYONE TELL YOU OR TRY TO TELL YOU YOUR SON IS ADD, OK which means the school told the PSYCH to look for that.

The report came back saying *reading disability* that is it.  OK whatever.  He was modified with things and had been put in a class *regular class* with two teachers so one could work with the other ones who needed extra help.  He did better but struggled all the way through. 
He got through that year only to go to his next and I would get a letter from his teacher, maybe I should consult his doctor about what is going on, meaning she was thinking ADD!!!! 
OMG! Didn’t we just go though this and RULE IT OUT!!! Here I had to go again!!  I spoke to her and asked didn't you get any information on his previous year or his report.  She said No.  Apologized and the rest of the year went well.  Still struggling but doing better.
I finally got disgusted and sent his report off to a Pat Evans, IN ENGLAND, who wrote back that he was dyslexic.  I felt some comfort to putting a name to what was wrong.  Reading disability just didn't cut it for me.
I went into the school armed with paper upon paper.  I gave Pat Evans email address, books she suggested, blah blah.
OK all is good. They never bothered with any of it. We did our own tricks at home also to help him get things.  Including colored paper, what his eye to his brain would see with different colors.  Did it help, maybe, not sure? I found a web site from a kid who was dyslexic and created it at the age of 12 it’s called, I am dyslexic, and best thing I ever came across. 
I go to ANOTHER IEP to what?  To get suggested ADD, AGAIN!!! 
We went at it!! Two teacher spoke directly at each other *like I was not even there* about my child.  I went crazy!
The special ed teacher decided she was going to take me on.  She actually leaned up and into my face and said how my child moves in his seat. I said does he get out? No. Does he disturb your class? No. ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME MY CHILD IS ADD! No I cannot say that I am not a Dr.. That's right you are not!  He is dyslexic, why can you not say that.
We are not allowed to say it!  Can you say he is ADD, No we are not allowed to say it.  You are implying that, correct!
I am not implying anything.  If you are going to *silent label my kid* then do the right one. READ your own report FROM your SCHOOL PSYCH. 
Then all the sudden they got nice.  They contradicted themselves and at this point I just wanted to get out of there.
Then they said he really didn't move in his seat? What? Was I crazy cause they just said 5 mins before they he does.

My son was now in the 4th grade and became addicted to help.  He begged to be cut free and fly on his own.
He felt ready and I agreed.
Now was the IEP for this year.  This time they thought they were smart.  We all went into the meeting, same thing different year. It was not in the regular office because of so many going on at one time.  There was a man sitting at a computer doing whatever.  We all spoke and again I did my regular speech with exception of saying let him out of the IEP program.
He wants to fly on his own.  They suggested that he be reevaluated (I know why) they were so determined that they thought he was Add because of the difficulty of learning. They seemed horrified that I wanted him out of the IEP.
At the end of the meeting they said, oh yes, and by the way there is the school PSYCH right there.  He will be the one testing my son. *set up* they just happened to bring my child into this meeting when never before? Please they wanted him to observe my son and it was a blessing that they did!!!
I shook his hand spoke to him and made a date for the test. 

WHOO HOOOO!!!!!!  Report came back and a personal phone call!!!  MY SON WAS READY TO FLY!!! 
He no longer needed assistance!!! He was taken out of the IEP program.  He struggles still but he's come a long way!!
Nothing like being heard!  Validation!!
And the rest is a success story!  He got Almost 90 on his report card. Whoo hooo!!

So yes Lu pita, this was my crazy making time with a school.  *The teachers made me feel* Spinning.
One would say this, the other would say that, the report would say this, they would ignore that, they would agree to disagree, well you know how it goes Lup, and so there ya go!  That’s' my crazy making school story. 

Love
Deb

[debkor]

Oh and to be fair.  The teachers did a very good job with my son.  They were good teachers even if they made me crazy sometimes. He did learn and they taught him well.

Love
Deb

[Hopalong]

(((((((Deb))))))))

Hi Lupita,
I'm praying for you and visualizing that little bile duct just releasing its blockage and everything clearing up and you being in radiant health.

I'm glad it's Friday. Especially for you.

I''m not sure you would be a hypocrite if you are able to leave for another job and need to say to your current abusive boss, God wants me to go in a new direction.

Your definition of God is up to you, not him, and if you find that God is a much vaguer concept as you leave that school than it was when you arrived, that's okay.

Faith takes many forms, and words and works are personal. Don't be ashamed of doing what you need to do to take care of yourself and take steps to protect your future.

Have some fun and peace this weekend if you can, dear.

Hops

[Lupita]

Margo Thanks.

Hop Thanks, have peace for two days is nice. Will try. Will not go to Sunday school because I do not want to see my boss.

Deb:

I am not prepared to reply to you. I am shocked for what you have suffered. To the point that I can't even think what to tell you. When you as a parent send your child to school, you are sending the most beautiful treasure you have. Your baby. And you need to be able to trust that your baby will be well taken care during those hours away from you. And if we as teachers do not show empathy for a desperate parent, we are dead meat. We should not be in the education profession if we do not provide support to a desperate parent. But also, desperate parents terrorize teachers many times. It is like doctors. A doctor that is threaten is not able to take care of a patient because when a person has fear, the person cannot think clearly. That is why I do not offend my boss, because I do not want him to have fear of me. I want him to know that I will be loyal to him and if I cannot be loyal to him i will just leave. I do not threat my doctor, although I know he is as guilty as sin, because he gave me pills that damaged my liver, but I need him to get me out of this mess I am in, if I threat him he will fear me and wont be able to think clearly. It is a good technique not to scare people that have power over us.  Someitmes parents are scared and they scare other people including teachers. Now we have been told that we cannot give advice, if a student needs advice we havet o send them to the councelor because if we give advice we can get a low suit because we are not licensed advisers. We cannot give hugs, we cannot pet a student, people in general have created an evironment of fear and now teachers and principals are scared to do good things that can be twisted and used against the person that is trying to help.
I am not giving excuses for the way you were treated. no way. You were not treated feirly. You were not provided with trust and comfort, you were sunk in soudbt, in fear of the unknown. You were not helped appropiratly. You were finally helped but that was not good. Fortunately it was a problem of time. Probably your son could have gotten out of it on his own with out so much trouble and name calling, names that stay with the person for the rest of the life, no good for certain professions, when they grow up. Probably you could have helped your son on your own. With what you know now you will be able to help a child with out asking anybody else.
My point is, it was bad because, if it was something that could have affected your child forever, and cause permanent damage, and the help was so slow, then, the child would be in deep trouble due to the slowliness of the system, the slowliness of the help arriving.
I promise you that I will be more careful with children with "learning disabilities". Many times, children are lazy, and parents trying to get answeres, find a learning disability. We never know. But I promise you, after reading your post, I will pray everyday for the parents of my students, I will pray everyday for God to give me wisdon and for God to help me help parents.  I will counciously try to be more empathetic to desperate parents. I will. I will. I will. Deb, I promise you. I will try to be more helpful.
I will not tolerate disrespect, though.
And, Deb, these people at my school have been extremely disrespectful. I know you know that.
I am very disappointed of my Christian school, I the third church in a row, of churches in general, I am totally disappointed of selfish narcisistic bitches called pastors, and from religion in general. Not from God, not from Feith, I knwo God has been taking care of me.

Love you Deb. Thank you. Please. Deb keep talking to me.

Dear friends, please keep talking to me. You give me comfort and that helps me keep going. Please, help me survive this two weeks and a Half.

God bless you all.

Lupita

[Lupita]

Please, friends, keep talking to me. i come every day here to see if I can find a new idea in how to survive, how to deal with my boss, how to deal with difficult parents and how to deal with difficult students. Thank you all. Everytime I see that someone has written to me is like a little comedown to my anxiety.

Love

Lupita

[cats paw]

Lupita,

  I'm glad that you've made a decision that seems right to you to not go on Sunday. You deserve a restful weekend.

cats paw

[Hopalong]

A nice long walk in a beautiful place to you, Lupita.
Rain or gray or shine...the natural world is with us, sending its mysterious strength.

Hops

[debkor]

Luptia,,

These teachers were good teachers.  I don't think I was the one with the fear.  They were.  I understood exactly what I was dealing with.  I understand they were frustrated.  He was learning. They did a great job teaching. They were kind to him. They took the extra 900,000 miles to get him to learn. 
They thought when they couldn't hold his attention, that his attention was his disability.  I understand them thinking that.
They just would not *hear what I was saying* or they were *listening to me yet not hearing me*. They also ignored any report and thought what they wanted.  I didn't have to be a mind reader to figure out what they thought.
That really pissed me off.  After 4 years of this I *enforced my voice* if it caused some fear, then so be it. They were trying to bully me Lu pita.  I did not allow it.

One thing I would never tolerate myself *like you* is for my child to be disrespectful disability or not.  He never was.
That's the first thing I asked.

Lupita I would have to say my biggest problem was really with the Principle.  Talk about Narcissistic Bitch!! I don't really know if she was one but she could of been the *poster child* if she was.
Whoa when I disagreed with her, especially in front of the rest of the teachers I saw all eyes turn to her, like oh no! Then turn back to me like Oh now your in trouble. For a minute I thought to myself, oh no now I'm trouble but snapped out of it real fast.

She instantly changed her face.  I really mean that too.  Her body went stiff,she crossed her arms, talked through her teeth, low, calm, firm. She was trying to intimidate me. Pffft, she wasn't the biggest or baddest *N* I ever came across.
I have learned from the best *exNH* possibly a psychopath too!  She didn't have nothing on him.  Plus I went to Catholic School nothing was more intimidating then scary looking Nuns.    Now that would of been interesting to see them both argue with each other.  He probably would of just punched her or asked her to marry him.  She went on and on like I was some kid that she was repremanding.  I heard the same *freaking story* for 4 years now.  I just put my hand up and said enough! I have heard it all. Do what you deem necessary and so will I. 
She was so mad, I could feel it in my bones.  She was really pissed that I blew her off! 
So it has nothing to do  really with teachers,religion,Doctors, Professions.  It is just the people themselves and they are all over everywhere. 
Your Boss would be a big Jerk, in school, in the parking lot, at Wal-Mart or on the toilet because he is who is, not where he works.
You are not crazy Lupita they just want us to think we are. 
I don't think that N's scare me as much as they annoy me now.

P.S.  Lupita if you really want to get out of that school I wouldn't really worry about them giving you a bad recommendation. That is very risky these days.  They are not allowed to blackball people to where they cannot get a job because of bad recommendations.  Plus you are not a bad teacher.  Don't lose  your confidence cause of this bad experience. 

Love
Deb

[debkor]

Whoops,  sorry wrong author when I was typing away. The correct Person is Patricia (Pat Heaton) from England who red the report and helped me with my son.

Love
Deb