opinion and advice, pleace

[Lupita]

My principal is mad at me. I have a very trouveled student with terrible defiance of aouthority. He is constantly complaining that I am singleling him out. Today my principal sonlged me out in Sunday scgool. I thonk I hae to stop going to that church. I do not need to see my boss on Sunday. There was a student and a mother in the Sunday school class and they saw it. He asked me where was my bible. I said that I did not bring it. Then he said what do I do to students who do not bring text book to class. I said they get a zero because they need a text book to do the work. He said you have a zero. Then I wanted to sit in a chair that is mro confotable to me so I am short and the other chairs ar to hight my feet hang. He said that I am rearanging his funiture. All in front of everybody. The schoo board attend to this same Sunday school. I felt horrible. Why do you think he was doing that? I asked his wife if I was irritating people n the class and she said i was fine. still I think he is tryng to send me mesages that he odes not like me anymore. What do you think? He laso told me in a rpivate meeting some days before that if God brought me to that schoo is to benefit me, not to benefit the school because he has a stack of teachers that wnat tot each there. I feel very sad because I have worked very hard ofr this school and many of our students have been expelled from other schools. It is very hard to work there. But of I start looking for a job somewhere else, I do not know if he is going to give at least a decent recomendations. Please, give me advice. What to do, what to say. I cant even sleep. On top of all I have another CT-scan tomorrow and I ma escared. Please, do not give me consolation. Please give me ideas to focous on the solution adn not on the problem, Please please, you thoughts are important to me. I know that Seastorm was a high school teacher. Anybody else? Sea? Leah, Hops, CB. Margo, Cat, Qrite, enybody, Deb, please, talk to me. I do nto wnat to do the spell check. So forgive me for that.
God help me here.

[Lupita]

Somebody talk to me!!!!!

[Overcomer]

OK, Lup....I wouldn't go to that church as long as your boss is there.  That is why I stopped going to my nmom's church...I have to work with her and I don't want to be with her on Sunday, too.

And as far as your job?  I think I would either go with the flow and just do what they want from you or get out.  Sometimes it is hard to play the game and you need to feel good about it.  If you can't then get out.

There that is my thought - but I have never been a teacher so who knows how hard it is to get a job, etc,

[Hopalong]

Lupita,
I am so sorry; you do not need this fear on top of waiting for your test results.

I can't promise a solution. But I can say I think he is enjoying his ability to scare you. I think if he says something like "rearranging my furniture" you could say, "It's God's furniture, and He's okay with me trying to be comfortable."

If he says something to put down your teaching, I think maybe the safe thing to do is say, "I will always do my very best, and I never stop learning. I thank God for his help and strength."

I know this is inadequate. And I acknowledge the inconsistency of me being an agnostic and advising you to use faith language. But it's real to you. It's the basis of the school too. It's a religious school and I think you are wise to remind this man that you have those values strong, strong, strong in you.

love
Hops

[gratitude28]

Lupita,
I would avoid this situation at church... However, he has NO RIGHT to interfere with anything you do outside of school. You should have your own right to worshiop any way you want. He is a bully and a nasty man. There is no easy answe for you, unfortunately. You can either continue to do the good job you are doing and ignore him, or you can file a grievance with the board. I would begin documenting things like this IMMEDIATELY. When you have collected a few examples of the way he is treating you, take them to your grievance committee. This is not an easy thing to do, I know. The alternative is to just hang in there. But to be proactive, you will have to fight against his terrible treatment of you.
I am sorry you have to go through with this. Especially while you are dealing with health issues.
Do you have any support near you?
Love, Beth

[debkor]

Lupita hon,

This is a hard one for me Lupita.  I went to Catholic School through High School.  I hated  it.  I swore I would never send my kids and I held good on that.  I found them to be the biggest, abusive phonies even back then when I was little.
It has changed now and the schools I believe are mostly run by teachers (like yourself) not nuns anymore.
I wish I had a teacher like you back then. I would be honored if you were my kids teacher. 

Ok lets get to what I think now. 

I know (as a fact) many parents have put their children into Catholic Schools due to the fact they are expelled from their original schools or they are just so out of control.  They think that the Catholic School will straighten them out.  Parents see the school as discipline schools.
Now you are also talking about tuition (big money these days)  So in some way they want you to discipline but then want to discipline you for doing it.  I guess in the private sector they think they can because they feel they PAY FOR IT. 
Also if private school don't work next step is Juvie Hall or home school. 

As far as your boss does it shock me? Nope.  They embarrass people because they can.  Is it right? No Of course not.
It is not you Lupita.  He is a JERK and I'm beginning to wonder if the children are little money bags to him.

How dare him make you an *example* in church.  You are an authority figure *teacher* not a student (troubled one at that).  I'm sure Lupita this is all about money on his mind and not education.  Don't take it personal.  You know who you are.  You know what kind of teacher you are.  Don't let anyone *ever* make you feel any less then that. 
He does not sound to educated in manners.  He made himself look pretty ignorant to me.  I wouldn't be looking at you Lupita I would be looking at him. 

God brought you to that school to benefit you?  Not you benefit the school? 

YOU... ARE... A ... TEACHER.... A... REAL...HEART....FELT....NOT... JUST... A.... JOB.....TEACHER....YOU... FEEL....YOUR...STUDENTS....YOU... WANT... THEM... TO...LEARN...TO...RESPECT...TO SUCCEED....YOU... WORRY... AND...AGGONIZE... OVER... THESE... CHILDREN....
YOU ARE A TEACHER!!!!!!!!

Who's benefit is it?  It is theres Lupita. Don't let them tell you any other or feel any other.

That school is lucky to have you just to stupid to know it.   

You don't sound very happy there Lupita.  Maybe you should start looking around for another school.  Just put out applications see whats out there. 

You hold your head up Lupita don't let him get to you.  You know your good maybe it's the job that's not good.

There are so many kids that need you and this school may be holding you back from being able to help kids that really want to learn and Bosses that are willing to let you sail your ship.  Not try to sink you.

So Lupita I do understand about private schools. I feel for you. 
Hope your test come back all good to Lup.  Thinking and praying for you.


Love
Deb

[dandylife]

Lupita,
Abusive people love to keep their abuse "covert", hidden, undercover. That's so they have an out, something to save face if they are "found out". So they will say something they can later say "oh I was just kidding" "Can't you take a joke?" "I was simply commenting on....x" (all innocent). The way to get this out in the open and let them know you won't tolerate it is to say, "Did you mean that as a joke? I didn't find it funny." or "Are you trying to make me feel x (bad, ashamed, guillty, whatever)?"

The person usually gets sheepish, turns red, blusters, and quickly hightails it away from you. And they are likely never to mess with you again. Especially if someone overhears! That's the best situation for you. They hate to embarrass themselves, they want to embarrass YOU.

Dandylife

[Lupita]

I just wanted to say thank you for all your ideas and thoughts. They are very important to me. I did not think of him as a bully but I think that all of you are right. Because there was no reason for him to tell me that God is doing me a favor by bringing me to that school. I work very hard and get very little money from them. Students are very difficult and arrogant. He did not have a reason to lower my self esteem. The self esteem that I did not have and that now I have in negative numbers. Probably he is mad because I am holding students accountable and he wants me to give better grades and paper the kids. But I do not know how to pamper because I was never pampered. He does not understand that. I know he wants me colaborate more with students. But I want students to work and do their part. I want to prepare them for college. I do not want to give not earned grades. I think he wants me to give more of my self to the students, but I have so much work, that I cannot give more, I donot know where can I get more energy , they pay very little and I have to teache piano lessons after school to be able to supplement my income and that makes me more tired. Parents do not want to take responsibility and I cannot memorize for the children. Thery are young adults, not little children. Please, keep posting, keep advising me. I have only three more weeks of school. I need to survivie those three weeks. I need words to say to him and to the students. Please, keep posting here. I am taking notes and reading everything you write. It is very helpful. Thank you friends. God bless you.
I had my CT, results on Wednesday.
Please keep writing here. Please.
Love
Lupita

[Lupita]

I am very thankful if you can post tonight more ideas. I will read this at 5:00 AM before I go to school, so I can have more ideas from you. Thank you so much so much so much so much.
God bless you.
Lupita

[teartracks]

Dear Lupita,

I can't add much to what has been said.  I know you asked us to exclude consolation.  Sometimes, I just don't know what to say except I'm reading your thread and wishing you love, joy, peace, wisdom, and reconciliation with your circumstances and relief from the presence of the boss who seems to be on a power trip.

tt

[Lupita]

SS, if you put your list here everybody would benefit from it. Thank you for offering. If you dont want to do that I would promise you to keep it private if that is what you want.
Thank you.
Please friends, keep writing me here. Thank you so much. I take your opinion very important in making a balance. Thank you again.
Lupita

[Margo]

Somebody talk to me!!!!!

LUPITA!  I just got on line, lol!  Had I read this message when you posted I would have said that you DO NEED TO CHANGE CHURCHES and that your principal is bullying you and I wish I could stand in for you and handle it!  I was so mad reading the first part of your post I COULDN'T FINISH THE THING! 

The thing is..... your posture tells him you're a bullying candidate.  He feels he can push you around and get away with it. 

We have to get you into an imaginary helmet, where bullying words can't just get in and confuse you like they do. 

If I was in this position I would sit down and write write write about it till I had distilled it down from screaming insane madness to complete understanding and clarity.  That way.... the next time he addresses you...... there's only clarity and you don't get confused or off balanced by the next innapropriate insane thing that comes out of his mouth. 

You've internalized the problem and you've internalized the solution, yes?

Keep posting on this one.  Margo

[Lupita]

Hi friends, thank you for all your advices.
Today and yesterday I had a good day, but today my boss scolded me with no reason. I was congratulating a mother because of the good behavior of her son who was one of the F in conduct that I was agonizing on quarter 3. For the first time he refused to angage in bad behavior despite the temptation he was being subjected by the worst student in the class. And he is the first one that has told me that I have to tell the kids when they do something good, so I told the mother that I was proud of him and that he was going to get an extra point for his general grade. Suddenly he came out of his office and told us in an ugly tone of voice that we should go to a conference room to talk about students. I know now what is all about. The worst student is the son of the secretary and she hates when I congratulate other students. It seems like she provokes her son to misbehave to show her power over the school, like to show teachers that if they want a job there, teachers have to put up with her son. I have the impression that she is the one that is ruining the life of that student. She wants to look like a wonderful mother with terrible children and she does not see that she is the cause of the misbehavior. She is such a manipulator. I see now. And she wants to blame her husband for the misbehavior of her children. She likes to look like a victim. She is a bad person. I feel very sad. I thought that working in a Christian school would be different, but it is the same hypocresy and the same politics everywhere. I am very disappointed and sad.

[Lupita]

My fear is that I do not know if he is just being a bully because he has the power or he is sending me mesages that he does not want me there anymore. Feel sad. After all I have done and so hard worked in that school. It is very disappointing.

[debkor]

Lupita,

Who knows what he is feeling.  He does not come right out and tell you. He does these little (hidden messages) that you are not quite sure what he is getting at.

Maybe he is pissed that you stood your ground and could not do what he clearly wanted you to do (give a higher grade then deserved to the students). It paid off to be who  you are which made the students become who they are capable of being.  That pissed him off because he obviously didn't think the students would be capable of such a thing.  You just made him wrong so did the student.
Your boss wanted the easy way out just like your students.  You did not let either of them get it.

Maybe he is just having a little  *hissy fit* he was wrong and sometimes people cannot handle that.

Just see how it goes for a bit. 


Love
Deb