"surrogate". parents

[poetprose]

I was quite fortunate to have one very good friend when I was a young girl, her parents were litterally life savers for me at times.
I would call them and ask if i could spend the weekend with them, ( actually many many weekends) because i did not want to be at home , as the weekends at home were really hell.... I do not remember them ever saying no to me....

I remember talking with my physcologist about this and she explained that in a sense these serogat parents that I picked, in effect became a real good idea of what a "parent" should be, loving supportive and they made me feel safe....  she said i was one of the lucky ones , who reached out and found solice , and a place of belonging. Where other kids did not... she believed I might have had much more emotional problems had i not been able to to do this....

I was wondering if anyone here also was able to find a sort of part time family to help you throught your rought childhood?

I call this family my gaurdian Angels ..... I lost contact now but i am always thankful for the sense of belonging they gave me

[anon123]

Sorry for doing this. It may be N of me, but it's "surrogate".

At first, I thought you misspelled "scapegoat", then I realized you meant surrogate.

[poetprose]

Sorry for doing this. It may be N of me, but it's "surrogate".

At first, I thought you misspelled "scapegoat", then I realized you meant surrogate.

Thx , last time I ever ask my daughter how to spell a word )

[poetprose]

Poet,

Yes, I do understand what you're talking about here.  Patricia Evan's book on Verbal Abuse goes even further:  what causes us to grow up with a sense of empathy is that surrogate in our lives.  What the verbally abusive (N) lacks is a surrogate of this sort.

My grandmother was that to me.  I spoke of her in another post today--she gave me those things that my mother couldnt give, not to mention the fact that her home was a haven from the crazy alcoholism my dad lived in.  Interestingly, I think my mother was just selfless enough to make sure that I had that.  Or, probably just as likely, my mother hated being left with all the child care so being at my grandmother's every single weekend gave her respite. 

Also, Anonymous--can't remember where it is off the top of my head, but at some point the board decided that we would pay absolutely no attention to spelling errors.  Ignoring them is part of the gift we give each other (it replaces the soup-making and quiet hand-holding that distance prevents us from giving).  Hope you will come back and misspell to your heart's content! 

Love

CB

That is wonderful that you had your grandmother!!!, I know now that my mother was too emotionally beaten down....classic of being married to such abuses.......  Now I am really interested in reading this book by Patrica Evens, maybe that was what my physcolgoist was driving at ( the empathy ), because she said by them taking me in like that, not only gave me my first real understanding of a parent*.. but that it probably prevented more problems later, and to be glad that i had a "breakdown" because she said it was the ones who don't have that crash who can not be fixed........... I wonder if she was talking about NDP?  I'll have to ask her about that

[anon123]

CB,

I commented on one mispelled word, which was a biggie.  I thought that was a gift.
I apologized in advance of doing so.

If I was walking around with a dirt mark on my face or my blouse was unbuttoned or I had spinach stuck in my teeth, I would want someone to tell me.  Why is this different?

Your comment was a little slap on my wrist and I didn't think it was necessary.

[debkor]

anon 123

If I was walking around with a dirt mark on my face or my blouse was unbuttoned or I had spinach stuck in my teeth, I would want someone to tell me.  Why is this different?

Your comment was a little slap on my wrist and I didn't think it was necessary.
anon 123

I don't think CB did anything other then what I would have done. 

How is it different?

I could pull you aside and tell you instead of yelling across the room or in front of everybody that you have something in your teeth or you shirt is wide open.  Why? Cause I would not want to embarrass you in front of other people.

Again how is this different?

If you would of pointed this out to my son (in front of people) he would of been very embarrassed.  You see he deals with this everyday of his life.  My son is dyslexic.  He has suffered with feelings of shame and hated school due to the fact he felt different and thought he was stupid.  He is not.  You may be able to wipe your teeth or button your shirt but my son will always have this disability.   
I know you probably did not think of this Anon, who would?  Just letting you walk in my/his shoes. 
 

Love
deb

[anon123]

Deb,

Sorry, but I disagree.   I also have trouble spelling and am dyslexic, so I use a dictionary.  I too spell phonetically, so I saw where the mistake was.   "Ser" sounds like "sur".

FYI: I use a great on line free dictionary is http://www.m-w.com.  If you type in the word phonetically, it gives the right spelling and pronunciation.  I love it.

I did apologize.  Guess that meant nothing.

I feel like this is like the king who has no clothes.  Why is it wrong to bring someone's attention to it? 

As you know, having dyslexia and trouble spelling makes life difficult.  I work hard at reading comprehension and spelling because they don't come to me naturally.  So, I have to (or choose to) work harder at these things.

A wonderful English teacher I had once told me that she also couldn't spell either and she dealt with this by using a dictionary.  That gave me hope because here she was teaching English and yet she couldn't spell.

When I misspell a word badly because I'm thinking of it phonetically, I want to be corrected. 
Guess I see it differently.

[CB123]

Your comment was a little slap on my wrist and I didn't think it was necessary.

That may be Anon, but I did think it was necessary--which is why I said it. 

I know Poetprose.  I have spent many hours reading her posts, she has spent many hours reading mine.  I dont know whether or not we always agree--probably not--but we have a history together.  We have "done time", so to speak. 

I hope you will come back and spend time on this board as well--sharing your life, sharing each of ours.  I think once you get to know us, you will see past our spelling errors to who we really are.  And we will know you as someone besides "Anonymous".

CB

[anon123]

CB,

Don't want to share any further.

You feel justified in your "slap", but I think it wasn't and it reminds me of my father, who I think is an N.  He too felt justified in his slaps.

So, because you have history with poetprose and I'm new, you feel justified. 

No one has acknowledges that I did say "sorry" before I made the comment. 

[debkor]

Anon,

Yes I did see your apology and it did mean something.  I believe you and believe you meant it.  I know how hard you work.  It's not easy.
I was trying to say that some people (like my son) get embarrassed.  I think CB was trying to say the same (but I cannot speak for her).   
We just want people to feel relaxed and not worry about the spelling.


 Here was a question my son had.

How did the ancient Egyptians use rolling friction to help them build the pyramids?

His answer:  put briks on the loges push the to the pyrmid.
Which means:  Put bricks on the logs push them to the pyramid.

If he was to get graded on his spelling *as you can see above* and have to whip out a dictionary everytime he wrote something he would shut down. 

Correction is good but not all the time. 

We just see things different.

Now I'll let it go.  We both are entitled to our opinions.

Love
Deb

 

[anon123]

Dear poetprose,

I want to apologize to you.

Due to my comment, your original point has been lost.  For that, I am sorry.

I didn't think I would cause all this hoopla. But, I thought to myself, what if poetprose wrote a letter in the future and spelled it that way?   I thought you'd want to know the proper spelling.  Knowledge is power.

I definitely could have expressed myself in a softer way, but, I was in a rush.  My bad.

I'm glad you found surrogates.  It seemed to have made a big difference in your life, a big improvement.  Finding surrogates shows there are people in this world who really care. 

We're taught that blood is thicker than water, but friends and neighbors can sometimes quench our thirst for meaning and human connection better than family can.

Wishing you all the best and hope you find people who quench that thirst.

PS:  I ran spell check and found I misspelled "definitely".  Those "ite" and "ate" words kill me!

[Gaining Strength]

to all:

Most of us here are very sensitive, having lived with extraordinary  pain in our lives.  Sometimes when we reach out it bumps into one of our old wounds and when we say so we bump into your old wound and round it goes.  It can be very difficult to navigate in a narrow hospital hallway full of wounded patients.

I encourage us all to be full of grace when we are bumped into. - GS

[poetprose]

Hi Anon 123

Apology accepted!!! no worries, and thankyou for the correction!...  I should have used the spell checker, instead of trusting my daughter hehehee!!!  (maybe it is genetic)

I made another spelling error yesterday on another forum in wich I have been attending for a couple of years now, The only thing was that someone picked it up before I realised I had made the boo boo, and I became the brunt of the joke on all his topcs...

ouch!! Now that one hurt....... I did not react, I just apologised and corrected the word...... The mod PM'd me and apologised , said don't sweat it , as that guy was one post away from getting banned anyways...... 

I know my spelling stinks, and I do have to take responsiblity for it ...... lest' I be the brunt again


so no worries and thank you for the correction we can close the door on it !

[poetprose]

to all:

Most of us here are very sensitive, having lived with extraordinary  pain in our lives.  Sometimes when we reach out it bumps into one of our old wounds and when we say so we bump into your old wound and round it goes.  It can be very difficult to navigate in a narrow hospital hallway full of wounded patients.

I encourage us all to be full of grace when we are bumped into. - GS

AMEN!!

"An Ordinary Poem"

I met an ordinary person
In an ordinary place
Speaking ordinary words
From an ordinary face
Gone in an ordinary moment
without an ordinary trace
Suddenly I felt extraordinary
In an extraordinary sort of way
With an extraordinary perception
Of an extraordinary day
Now I meet extraordinary people
With extraordinary faces
Speaking extraordinary words
From our extraordinary faces..
We are all extraordinary
in our extraordinary ways
Living extraordinary lives
in extraordinary days..

[poetprose]

Poetprose

I used to get hung up about spelling and grammer or is it grammar? And punctuation and stuff. I still notice it but it doesn’t make me flinch any more and sometimes I enjoy it! I liked ‘serogat’ because it made me say it out loud and get the meaning more slowly. From a book I read and really enjoyed:

I dont have nothing only words to put down on paper. Its so hard. Some times theres mor in the emty paper nor there is when you get the writing down on it. You try to word the big things and they tern ther backs on you. Yet youwl see stanning stoans and ther backs wil talk to you.

(Riddley Walker)

Enjoying your poems too, thank you.

See I had no problem reading your post at all... :-0))  Whatz all the hubbub about  hehehe!