divorce hurts

[Hurt]

Hi Hop,

First if there was a protocol violation then it was unintentional.  I had left a PM for another member who's story really moved me emotionally (CB) it kinda of sounded familiar in context.  Did I also send you one? I was up late reading some of these threads and found some very helpful.  If it appears forward on this forum I will heed your warning.  No threats here just looking for answers and healing.  Anyways to answer your question on entitlement... interesting choice of words!  I would say I feel entitlement for only what I have worked for. (Be it monetary gain, spiritual health, or understanding)  What do you mean by tracking anger?  Can you talk about this in greater detail?

thank you
Hurt

[Brigid]

Hurt,

After all those years of marriage you had Brigid  and he walked out.  So, so sad why do we hurt people we love?  It is a lesson in priorities, I wonder if your X regrets his mistake now?

He walked out because it was the only way he could get what he wanted.  He tried hard to get me to throw him out, and I should have, but I cared more about keeping my family together and the affect the divorce would have on the children at the time.  It was all such a shock at the time and I was in shock and not thinking clearly at all.

He never really loved me, so hurting me is not something he could understand.  Remember, he is n and they have no empathy or ability to love.  He pretended very well for a long time, but ultimately his true colors came out and he was able to very coldly leave without a second thought.

I don't think he regrets anything, or ever will.  I don't think he is able to feel that either.  He just keeps trying to find ways to make himself happy, but he is so deeply damaged internally, that it will never happen.  The relationship with the girlfriend still interests him because she is still "unavailable."  She only just filed for divorce from her marriage in December and it will be awhile before she is able to be with him.  Once she is free, she won't be as interesting, but he doesn't get that and probably never will.

Brigid

[Hopalong]

Hi Hurt,
Nope, you didn't PM me. For some reason I was concerned about your voice. Thanks for explaining.

About anger...I know that the Nspot within myself I have experienced, and was sickened by, was an entitled kind of rage when I was at my breaking point with my Nmother.

The message I got from my anger at that point was a kind of How Dare You? That thought was screaming so loud in my head that I heard it. It was not nice. But the good thing was that it helped me spot "entitlement". I am fortunate that I raged only once...it's a coruscating memory though.

I don't know what your bitterness is about, or even if bitterness is a form of anger, but I think it might be.

You mentioned being abusive to your wife. Was it physical?

What kind of abuse was present in your childhood, and from whom?

These are the kinds of questions that will lead you to answers, I think.

Hope that helps,
Hopalong

[Hurt]

Hi Hop,

Yes, there was physical, and emotional abuse in the marriage.  The biggest part was the infidelity.  I think you are right in that bitterness can equal anger.  This will be a good discuss for T this week.  The childhood memories were a strict father, a push-over mother, and not really having that much money.  We worked a farm and the parents fought mostly verbally , mother taking the blunt of the exchange.   I wouldn't call it a bad childhood nor would i say life was easy.  Does this answer your question? 

Thanks Hurt