CONFOUNDED HAD BROUGHT UP IN ANOTHER THREAD....
Confounded
Newbie
Posts: 20
Re: proposed new theory on understanding narcissists
« Reply #22 on: May 21, 2007, 01:38:12 AM »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In reading on the subject I have noted that N has a strong hereditary component. Thus, I am reluctant to focus on the environment too any great degree. This has been borne out by my personal experience.
After receiving the diagnosis of "N tendencies" for my H, and having continued problems with his periodic fits of insistence that he is always right (huh?) and anger, I called his mother, looking for explanations and suggestions. She advised, bottom line, that his father was the same way. She said that she "ignored" his dad, who "had some very strong ideas," and "once he got going there was no point in talking to him."
I am very interested in any article that can explain what the internal experience is like for the N. The way that thought process works, I cannot figure out.
I find myself thinking, "Well, if I'm wrong, and somebody corrects me, then they actually help me. They leave me better than they found me. However, if someone functioning as an N refuses to see or admit when he's wrong, then he's wrong twice. He's wrong once in the issue at hand, and again in his refusal to accept that he is mistaken. Why don't they feel embarrassed? It's like the Emperor's new clothes. He's naked for God's sake!"
I think it's pretty sad. Sometimes he seems to be posing (e.g., saying that he's always right) simply to aggravate me, and at other times, he seems to actually believe it. I don't think that he talks to himself internally. Maybe everybody has an internal dialog, although I have the impression that he may not (hmmm... is there something to this?). Anyway, if he did have an internal dialog, I think it might sound like this at times, "It's okay. I'm not wrong. She's wrong. I'm not wrong. She needs to stop saying that I'm wrong. I'm NOT wrong. I"M NOT WRONG! GRRRR!!!" But then at other times, he can now joke about it, saying, "Oh sure. I'm never wrong. Never. (smile)" It seems like he goes into a delusional state at times, and at other times he is somehow aware that he can become delusional.
In the end, since he hardly pays any attention to anything that is not directly related to his getting his needs met, he knows very little about many things that go on in his immediate vicinity. Thus, he often has little information with which to operate, and he makes numerous mistakes. We wants none of these mentioned. If I tell him that he didn't do something as we had discussed previously, he gets furious.
What ends up happening feels very odd. I start thinking that maybe I'm an N because I'm the one finding fault. But then I think, "I'm just trying to get him to act normal and remember what we discuss." I suppose that if I worry that I might be an N, when I become annoyed by his chronic inability to focus on anything outside his own priorities, then I'm probably not an N. But this talk of needing affirmation (I am more motivated by kudos than $), wanting to do things right (not pretend, actually do it right), and thinking that lots of other people can't cut it (I prefer to deal with other professionals, people who think and speak quickly), sounds like me. Except that I'm willing to do the work to get the kudos, and if I screw up I definitely want to know about it. So I just keep coming back the difference between genuine self-confidence and some kind of defensive false confidence, unable to be real, for fear of some horrible outcome. I don't know what that horrible outcome could be. Seems like it would be worse to look like an idiot insisting that one is right, when clearly has no clue.
If anybody knows, or has a source that explains, what the inner thoughts are in the N state of mind, I would really
SOME THINGS IN THAT OTHER THREAD SUCH AS
GIVING THE SOURCE OF A NEW THEORY OF NARCISSISM
BELOW
To help clarify to some, the proposed theory comes from an abstract for something that is online
and to view the full text, i think one has to join some way.
It is not my theory 
Abstract
Psychological Inquiry
2001, Vol. 12, No. 4, Pages 177-196
(doi:10.1207/S15327965PLI1204_1)
Unraveling the Paradoxes of Narcissism: A Dynamic Self-Regulatory Processing Model
Carolyn C. Morf
Behavioral Science Research Branch, National Institute of Mental Health
Frederick Rhodewalt
Department of Psychology, University of Utah
here is the url
http://www.leaonline.com/doi/abs/10.1207/S15327965PLI1204_ AND AN ABSTRACT OF THE ARTICLE ..BELOW
We propose a dynamic self-regulatory processing model of narcissism and review supporting evidence. The model casts narcissism in terms of motivated self-construction, in that the narcissist's self is shaped by the dynamic interaction of cognitive and affective intrapersonal processes and interpersonal self-regulatory strategies that are played out in the social arena. A grandiose yet vulnerable self-concept appears to underlie the chronic goal of obtaining continuous external self-affirmation. Because narcissists are insensitive to others' concerns and social constraints and view others as inferior, their self-regulatory efforts often are counterproductive and ultimately prevent the positive feedback that they seek-thus undermining the self they are trying to create and maintain. We draw connections between this model and other processing models in personality and employ these models to further elucidate the construct of narcissism. Reconceptualizing narcissism as a self-regulatory processing system promises to resolve many of its apparent paradoxes, because by understanding how narcissistic cognition, affect, and motivation interrelate, their internal subjective logic and coherence come into focus.
SO THAT BEING DONE NOW...
THE QUESTION HAVE ANY ACCESSED THE ARTICLE
AS TAKING FROM THE ABOVE ABSTRACT IT SAYS
Reconceptualizing narcissism as a self-regulatory processing system promises to resolve many of its apparent paradoxes, because by understanding how narcissistic cognition, affect, and motivation interrelate, their internal subjective logic and coherence come into focus.
OF SPECIAL NOTE THAT IS SPEAKS OF UNDERSTANDING BETTER THE NARCSISSIST'S INTERNAL SUBJECTIVE LOGIC ....
THE BUGGER IS THAT TO ACCESS THE ARTICLE ... IT COSTS...
HAS ANYONE MAYBE LOOKED AT THE ARTICLE
