OC – I haven’t posted because you seem to have it so together where your momster is concerned, where, although I am doing better, I am still in a bit of denial with mine.
I don’t know that I have any good advice regarding the job. Recently you seemed to be in a really good place with respect to your NM – it sounded as though you found a pretty impressive balance where you could stop the cascade of negative emotions that occurred when she acted up.
Ten or 20 years from now, do you have any idea where you would like to be? If she is 70 now, it seems likely your NM won’t be actively involved in the business then. Will you be in charge after she is no longer working there? I ask, because it seems to me that you know that business inside out and may be able to turn it into what you want and run with it – once you are handed the reins. If you go to another store, will you be able to take it as far as you might at your NM's company? I don’t know enough of the details – but, if it were me, I would think about where I wanted to be in 10 or 20 years.
That being said, I would also have to take into consideration the wear and tear of dealing with an Nmom. Can you put up with her nonsense a little while longer – or has it become too much? If you can put up with the antics, I would think staying where you are might put you in a better position in 20 years. However, if the stress would take too much of a toll, I say take the other job and run.
Not much help – huh?
From a business perspective, can you get an offer on the table from the other job, and use that to maneuver to where you want to be in your mother’s business? This is done all the time in corporate world that I work in – you get another job offer and your current employer counters with a similar or better offer.
I don’t know your momster. How would she respond if you were to say to her, I have a job offer from xxx. They have offered me more money and more responsibility. I really want to stay here as I know the job and everyone here. For me to stay, this is what it would require – and then outline it and get it in writing (such as a guarantee that when she retires that you will take over in charge of the company – not someone else, she can’t liquidate without giving you a percentage of the proceeds, autonomy on certain decisions, and so on). I do have to add a caveat; it might be very difficult to get an N to stick to the agreement. Getting it in writing might help, but if she is anything like my genetic donors, she might try to slip through that as well.
And BTW – my father was really, really toxic – when he was alive, I ALWAYS wanted a third party there (absolutely dreaded it when a third party wasn’t there). With my mother, before I went NC, I decided that either a third party would be present during all conversations or the conversation would be recorded.
Not much help, sorry.
Peace
