Hi Wildflower,
Belly dancing, how totally cool.
I'd never be able to master that! My head would fall off.
I'm so glad you started a vent list re the P/A stuff, a victim impact statement of sorts. That's really what I wanted to talk to you about. To see if you wanted to do it. And to see if I could help in anyway, having lived with someone like that in adult-to-adult relationship. (hahaha, adult-to-adult, a bit of a joke there). But also how I observed it impacted on my kids. That would be interesting.
Yes, that visitor did annoy me, more so than make me mad. And a couple of those responses I found ignorant and annoying too. Oh how totally arrogant of me to say that. Coooool.
hahahahahahaha
I get so frustrated though with people who want to tell me how to think. And how to translate an "I love you". Come on!!!!! Funny, I thought I said some pretty nice things in that post, about men in particular. That didn't get recognised, noticed or go down too well, did it? Apparently it was hate-filled. hahahahahaha.
Anyway, enough of that, sorry I've been slow in posting back to you, I didn't have time to do 2 earlier, and I felt I just had to shoot one off to Portia after I read her post. She's so sweet and I think missing R. Shit, I hope she doesn't read that, or she'll hunt me down and beat the shit out of me (hahahahaah) me for saying that. I meant to get back to you earlier but other things got lumped on me in the meantime. Sam old jazz, books books books. End of financial year fiasco!!
I meant to tell you, the most amazing thing happened the other day. I went down the back and saw a bright coloured bird under the clothes line. I walked over towards it and it didn't fly away. So I went closer and closer, got down on the ground and just sat near it and guess what? It walked over to me, so I put my arm out and it climbed on my hand and up my arm. It was a perfectly tame parakeet. The prettiest bird, and Indian ring-neck.
My friend (the tall one) found a picture of one on the web for me. I put up a sign at the local shop but no-one's rung yet. It is so so so friendly and tame and beautiful, so I got a little cage and keep him/her in there when I'm out, but when I'm home I take him/her out and let him wander and crap all over the house. Tom (the cat) doesn't bother it, I just say, "No Tom" and he walks away and leaves the bird alone. Surprise and delight. Anyway, I've decided to keep it. And however we whistle, he copies almost perfectly. Somebody must be missing him awfully.
You know, I guessed you'd been giving the Imposter Syndrome some thought. It's a powerful contradiction of a complex isn't it? A very good thing to reject. I'm working on that one, and have got my husband in the act to pull me up when he hears me doing it. He loves it. He's finally been licensed to correct me on something. hahahahahahaha
And I loved the story of the guy who says stuff to you on your way to work. It's sort of a cool social act with unknown consequences, huh?
What I think is good is when we learn to direct our anger and frustration at those who anger and frustrate us, and not take it on innocent victims and bystanders in our lives. That's the whole shit aspect of P/A. It's all they do. They never deal with there anger in a timely or appropriate manner, so those closest at home cop it's weird perversions. After all, they have to pervert it to justify it, and for it to make sense to them. Do you get what I mean?
Let's take my ex for example, let's say his car wouldn't start. It would end up getting taken on me and the kids. he had to justify this in his pea-brain, so he'd find some small thing to go psycho about to us/at us. When what he was really angry at was himself and the car.
So now, I find I'm learning about this stuff too. Like if something makes me angry, do something about it, to it, for it. Contain it to the actual thing/person. Don't allow it to bubble over and make a mess everywhere else. Don't justify it. Don't exaggerate it. Deal with it, then leave it behind or alone or whatever.
Yeah, that visitor post is actually a very good example. I do find such bullshit nonsense, factually unsound, tedious, frustrating and boring. Nobody else had to agree with me. And I migght add, privately just between you and me, I was suspicious. So I decided to say so. I gfelt good after I did. And even after my comment drew some fire, I still felt good and decided I felt no need to resile from anything I said, or apologise. I thought "Go suck a lemon, cause that's what I really think." hahahahaahahah. For me, and I'm doing it a lot more out here in my real life, it's having very positive outcomes, and I don't find myself stewing and wishing I had of said something, and getting so frustrated I take it on others.
So where does that lead me? I think your mum was taking out all her internalised, undealt with resentments and hostilities and repressions on you. Didn't want to deal with her problems and responsibilities. Avoided them. Blamed them. Kidded herself that she fulfilled them. Lived in a fantasy. But the risk here, now, for the children of such people is that as the recipient of such 'nurturing' they could have absorbed that 'style' without wanting to or even realising it, and then end up doing the same inlater in life. That's what I wanted to talk to you about.
So then, if we're brave enough, how can we determine
a) if we do it
b) when we are most likely to do it
c) who we usually do it with
d) how often we do it
e) how we do it
I can't think of any more questions to add to that list, but I'm sure there are plenty more
Now I know visitor is a real nonsense comparison in some ways. But what I'm saying is, by dealing or expressing ourselves even with little things as they come up, we get a chance to be corrected, express our opinions, and grow our brains, hearts and psyche's. And also we begin to learn about and appreciate our own personal style, character, nature, and preferences. That's wholesome and positive, don't you think, for someone who just plain was never allowed to be, or express.
Anyway, I have to attend some domestic matters now. Like I'd better get that washing into the machine before it jumps in itself. I hope we can continue on this P/A topic at your leisure.
(((HIGS)))
CG
