(Note added later: warning, long one!
)
Hi Wildlfower, how ya' doin'? I guess ya' feel pretty rotten huh? Us ACON's or, in my case ACOP's, go to guilt and takin' on blame pretty quickly. I'm one of those people who hear a police siren when I'm drivin' down the road and think it's for me, and I haven't even done anything wrong!
Or they ask to check my shoppin' bag at the checkouts and I feel guilty, like they're gonna find somethin' in there. hahahahahaha. And I don't even shoplift.
hahahahahahahah
But with this latest thing I feel/felt guilty too. Then I did a quick inventory and realised it was misplaced. I hope you can do the same.
There are lot's of things being worked out here. Sometimes I think way too many. I'm here to find my voice. And I can hear it loud and clear now, I think??? I'm expressing myself more and more and even H is recognising it, or so he says. Gettin' lots of affirmation
and even 'recognition'
from that department. And just as importantly, I'm picking him up very early, when he dumps a bucket, or should I say, tryies to dump a bucket of his crap (problems) on me. Now that is invaluable. I spend a whole lot less time back in showers trying to get rid of the smell. hahahahahahahahahaha
I don't know how far up or down the mountain I am in that dept compared to others here, but I do know I'm way more advanced than I ever have been in my life.
I saw voicelessness in the making yesterday. I cringed as I witnessed one of my friends relate to her 5 year old daughter. Yes I intervened, by offering to take the child for a walk, but she wouldn't come. So this scene went on for about 15 minutes, and minier versions repeated thoughout the day. Eventually the dad returned and everything settled down, but I couldn't stop thinking about that poor kid, and the poor inept mother. They've got a rocky road ahead!! I offer her books, internet sites. She's just so closed minded in this dept. Heaps of fun and open in other ways.
It's so frustrating, because after reading here all this time I can see what she's doing
and it's so obvious.
It went like this. The little girl wanted a drink. We went outise to sit for a while outside, because we'd walked for ages , had been inside at a model railroad exhibit.
Little girl starts whing, "I want a drink"
Mother, "Stop whining, you can have one when daddy gets back"
Little girl,"I want a ride on the train"
Mother, I said wait till daddy gets back"
Litle girl, "I'm tired"
Mother, "yeah, well that's cause you never stop whining"
Little Girl, "I want a drink"
(i"m butting in and offering to go buy drinks, take her for a ride etc, blaah blaah, but the litle girl won't take it from me. She only wants it from her mum.
The mother. "This could have been a really nice day if it weren't for you. Why do you always have to ruin everything everytime we got out? Whine whine whine, that's all you ever do. If you don't be quiet, we're going straight home and you're going straight to bed. You've ruined this day with your whining and now you've made me tired and all I want to do is go home to bed myself. So be quiet, stop you whining or we're going home. I was enjoying myself till you wouldn't shut-up."
I couldn't believe it. The kids only five. I had a picture in my head of the mother eventually finding a way to blame the kid for the conflict in IRAQ!!
It was bloody awful.
The kid, sort of quited somewhat, but then she got naughy. By pulling faces at other kids, and picking up rubbish bits of paper and dropping it on seats, or kicking things in her clean shoes. She was quiet from then on to her mother though. I haven't been out with them together for quite a while, but I remembered later that she's always related like this to her daughter ever since I've known them.
In their relationship the girl is supposed to wait till the mother is ready/ happy to offer her something. She's not supposed to ask for anything, it's interpreted and reflected back as putting pressure on her mother. Even for something as basic as a drink!!!! And I guess she wouldn't take one off me, cause it has to be approved by mother, who said no anyway. Oh groooaaan. It was awful to witness. And I felt completely knowing, yet totally useless.
We didn't leave right away, we stayed and saw the whole exhibit. Dhe did eventually buy the girl a drink, when she wantd one!!!!! When we went for coffee. But gee the little girl became really quite annoying and even embarrassing, opening all the sugar sachets. Then, another scene ensued!!!! Mother "Why are you always such a pain to take anywhere? I'm never taking you anywhere again!" The girl was even kicking dirt at the back of heels a couple of times. Little darling!
Anyway, long story, I know, I've lost my point now. What was it? Oh yeah. This woman is by a lot of standards a very good mother. But it doesn't help in this regard (voicelesness), and the child is only in first year of school.
It's a long one, (told ya
)hope you had a coffee in hand
, but I wantd to tell you what I witnessed, and how sad it was, and how sad for the little girl. They aren't going to have a good relationship when the girl is older if it doesn't change dramatically. And I can see my friend in 10 or 20 years time saying " I was a good mother!!! Why is he so difficult and selfish???"
Did I make my friend sound awfull. She's a really nice person to me, and to everyone else in our circle. And like I said, in some ways she's a very responsible, even fun mum. But when I observed this all happen I was witnessing in real time the creation of 'voicelessness'. And I was really quite tragic.
I haven't given up on getting through to her, the mother I mean. I don't give up that easy. I have managed to get through to her once or twice before on other issues. And man, it wasn't easy, but it is possible, and she did eventually appreciate it, and it was worth it because it's given us a deeper level of communication. She's not as superficial with me anymore. Scary though at the times!!
My friend is a physical giant of a woman
. Size 11 or 12 shoes, 6'3 or therabouts, works out with weights 5 early mornings a week. Over 140 IQ. Yeah, ya gotta be pretty gutsy to take her on.
And also, she can remove your appendics at 10 paces with her tongue, it's so razor sharp.
Anyway, I thought I'd share this with you, to get back to discussing the reason why we're here, and then to ask how your 'voice' is going?
and to say, "it's sounding good to me."
(((HIG x 2)))
CG
